The Secret Service Oath of Office

The Secret Service Oath of Office:

“I, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God."

Now before everyone gets all twitterpated, this is how I would rewrite this oath to reflect today’s reality:

“I, stand here with my left hand on the Bible and my right hand in the air, and don’t have a clue why.  I will support and defend the parts of the Constitution, my boss says I will defend and ignore the parts he doesn’t like against some of our enemies, both foreign and domestic; that I will clean my gun and collect my check, while trying my ‘damndest’ not to get hit by a bullet meant for my boss;  that I take this obligation for a boatload of money, a Cadillac healthcare plan and an opportunity to write a book, when my term is over; that I have many mental reservations, but they are so overwhelmed by the perks, I would be a idiot to not do this; that I will make every attempt to follow the law, when I can, and discharge my duties just enough to keep the checks coming.  So help me Allah.”

Of course, the president doesn’t allow his bodyguards bullets, as they might use one, at close range, to defend the REAL Oath of Office.

Let’s face it folks, the Oath is a joke and is taken by everyone from the President on down to Notary Publics.  But since there is no enforcement of the Oath, it is meaningless. 






Mr. President, I will begin obeying the laws as soon as you begin enforcing them.


The Dumbplumber