Redding, California Diary:May 30: Just moved to Redding. Now this is a city that knows how to live!!!Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It isbeautiful.I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live inan air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How dopeople get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windythough. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% ofmy body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson thought. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I leftthis morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th: The wind sucks. I feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and theAC repairman charged $200.00 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now.$300,00 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixedtoday. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate thisstupid city.
Aug 8th: If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'mgoing to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, theradiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over! Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.
Aug 14th Welcome to HELL!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew out the damn windshield in the car. The installer came to fix and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Redding!!!
What kind of sick demented idiot would want to live here????
Willwrite later to let you know how the trial goes.
This was sent to the Dumbplumber by his mother. You have to know the Redding area to appreciate the humor.