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Saturday, August 30, 2008

McCain's Rovian Moment

John McCain’s pick of Sarah Palin for his VP is a stroke of genius. My only question is, who on McCain’s staff put her selection together? It sure as hell wasn’t John, he’s not that smart.

With Palin’s pick, John galvanizes Conservatives, who were on the sidelines waiting for him to grow a sack over Shamnesty, Free Speech and a host of other issues he sided with Democrats on. He attracts Hillary’s women voters who are still smarting over the dissing of Hillary by Obama’s machine. He fills the needs of Independents and moderates of both parties who are still looking for someone to represent them. And he has picked a partner with more “balls” than all the insufferable gasbags on Capitol Hill.

No, in analyzing this pick I wonder more about the brain-child that landed on this nomination more than any gnashing over Palin’s qualifications. Whoever “that” person is, is the next Carl Rove. However I suspect that witnessing the demonization of the “real” Carl, over the past 8 years, this advisor will remain in his foxhole until Fox News needs someone to replace, hereto date, the most brilliant political tactician of our time.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Race for Second Place

Let me get this straight. Obama has picked a VP choice who has been D.C. so long they are naming buildings after him. He has a voting record so laced with contradictions and innuendo, you could write a book about it. He is only 6 years McCain’s junior and has a temper and record of confrontation that will take advertisements criticizing McCain’s advanced years and hot headedness off the table for the rest of the campaign.

McCain on the other hand is for open borders, stifling free speech and bankrupting the U.S. to pay for Al Gore’s fantasy of fighting Global Warming.

Yup, this is probably the first presidential race where the contenders are both hoping to come in second.

But hey, I could be wrong.

Double Standard Spending

Somebody really needs to explain to me just how it is that Liberals can complain about the National Debt in one breath, then can’t wait for Obama’s health care initiative, raising taxes on the rich and big corporations(which everyone knows will simply be passed forward to customers) and a massive government program to convert America to renewable energy, when our existing infrastructure won’t accommodate even modest additions of wind and solar projects.

It is appalling how many people support the notion of universal--or mandatory--health care when there is no argument that Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, MediCal along with other entitlement/giveaway programs not only do not resemble the programs as originally proposed, but have morphed into gargantuan bureaucracies, bloated and corrupted, fraud and incompetence.

Do we fix these programs first? No. We just look the other way and propose yet more socialist programs.

While Liberals whine and complain that the Iraq War is bankrupting us, the fact is the graft, corruption and fraud attached to the above mentioned programs would pay for the War several times over. But do we lift a finger to launch a war on fraud? NO.

So here’s a prediction for you. If Barrack Obama becomes president, the National Debt will hit $12 trillion before it ever sees $8 trillion again. And you won’t here a peep about it from the folks that voted him in.

Sorry Conservatives, McCain--for all his fiscal ranting--won’t do much better under a Congress hell bent on taxing and spending their way out of a hole.

But hey, I could be wrong. The

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

T. Boondoggle Pickens

Just when you thought that T. Boone Pickens was to be our savior in the energy wars, up pops the blogosphere on his ties with “The Nan”. Seems that Nancy Pelosi--one of the richest members of Congress--jumped on the Pickens “Boondoggle” early by buying shares in his Pickens Plan here–here back in May of 2007.

However, the Savior forgot to mention in his carpet bombing of ads on his Plan that he is the biggest provider of natural gas for transportation in California. His ads clearly profess to wean us off gas for electricity by replacing it with wind power, but he conveniently forgets to mention that he will profit handsomely selling the natural gas for transportation. Oh yeah, and by the way, he is finagling his way into a water bond ($110 billion) to pump ground water from West Texas and sell it to the big cities, drying up the scares water supplies supporting rural communities already struggling to survive.

Yes, my fellow Americans, cynicism lives. T. “Boondoggle” Pickens may well pull off the biggest scam in Texas since Billy Sol Estes was caught selling grain elevators that didn’t exist. His “Plan” covers up a water grab of monumental proportions (200,000 acre feet per year) while cloaking the entire project as saving America.

God you got to love it. Nan, a socialist hooking up with a “good ole boy”, “back room” robber barons looking for profit, while McCain, a “pretend” capitalist reaching across party lines begging for votes.

But hey, I could be wrong

Monday, August 04, 2008

Pelosi and the Oil Hoax

So, now let me get this straight. Nancy Pelosi and Company say the Republicans are “staging a hoax” by continuing to occupy the House of Representatives during the August recess. Does Nancy even know what a hoax is? I would submit a hoax is what Congress does when it is “IN” session.

Besides, what is the downside for Republican Congressmen who are willing to continue the debate on lowering our cost of energy, when the rest of Congress is off working on their tans, hawking their books and schmoozing with their big donors, while the rest of us are pumping $4 gas? They are on salary, it doesn’t cost us a thing and besides it is really pissing Pelosi off.

What Nancy fails to notice from her million dollar view of San Francisco Bay is that those little ants out there in those little boats and cars are voters. To her peril, Nancy will spend more time trying to sell her book and keeping the lights out back at the House floor during this recess than actually doing something about the biggest threat to our Country than anything since 9/11.

So enamored with her 3rd position from the Presidency is Nancy, she will wrap herself in her arrogance, surround herself with Secret Service and devote her entire vacation to aggrandizing herself and her position, while America crumbles around her.

In the meantime Republicans rightly smell blood in the water. If they don’t see the an opportunity to drive a Mack truck through the hole Democrats have left open, with their summer recess, their driver’s licenses should be revoked. The Republican Revolt isn’t exactly crying fire in a crowded theater, but it sure the hell beats the smoke we’ve been getting lately.

But hey, I could be wrong. The

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Letter to my Representative: grow a pair

Dear Mr. Herger,

I post my opinions on my website,, but it doesn’t take a Dumbplumber to realize that America is facing it’s biggest threat since 9-11. Perhaps you haven’t noticed, but the current energy crisis is little more than a fabrication by Liberal forces to cram the green agenda and the Global Warming Hoax down America’s throat. In doing so, they have exposed themselves to the unintended consequences of business failures, high unemployment and the appearance of worldwide weakness, which I’m sure they plan to carry on to the November election, so we can be “saved” by the Democrat Rock Star, come Messiah.

The only questions are: whether the Republicans can break the trance over the “true believers” long enough for them to realize that they are mere pawns in a game where economic suffering and indeed human lives are at stake; can Republicans leaders clean up their acts on Capitol Hill and once again generate respect from our citizens, by standing shoulder to shoulder with “blue dog” Democrats and; can you turn this charade around and place the blame for the suffering back on the Liberals, where it belongs.

If there ever was an opportunity to turn your fortunes around this is it. Time to make the Liberals “famous” for the shenanigans going on now. You have but a few weeks of a window to determine whether Conservatism will “right” our course or leave us doomed to the Liberal agenda. This is a golden opportunity, handed to you by Nancy Pelosi. Don’t blow it.

Sham Wow!!

Perhaps we should take a moment and reflect upon my current medical malady of the “trigger finger”. No, I don’t mean the one that is bent and twisted from doing who the hell knows what. That one requires surgery that I can ill afford because my income doesn’t provide sufficient resources to pay for malpractice lawsuits, duplicitous government health regulations or endless tests to determine and repair what I already know is “trigger finger”.

I’m talking about the one I use to click the remote to remove annoying, repetitive, disingenuous, deceptive, advertising that funds the disingenuous, annoying deceptive, annoying cable news programs that are far more informative than the Big Three networks, who suffer under the delusion that they are telling us anything near the truth.

What I’m talking about are the ads that solicit more people to call in to a toll free number for free diabetes testing supplies, free scooters, free breathing apparatus, free consultations for any disability associated with asbestos, popular medications--that have been approved by the FDA-- or medical procedures that were necessary to save your sorry butts, but somehow went wrong for reasons that some slick attorney can staple to a doctors reputation in front of a sympathetic jury.

I’m talking about any TV ad that embeds the phrases, “do yourself the biggest favor”, “you can’t afford not to…”, “it didn’t cost me a penny”, “you owe it to yourself” or “ Hi, Billy Mays here, for……”.

I’m talking about ads that include the codicils, “If you call in the next 20 minutes”, “operators standing by”, “just add shipping and handling”, “call now, because we can’t do this all day” or have some random dupe proclaim that, “I don’t know how I ever lived without this”!

Could it be that the smell of corn dogs, cotton candy and rancid popcorn have given way to the antiseptic and sterile stage of video tape. Some would proclaim that the “Carnies” have gone digital; once respected co-hosts have sold their souls for house payments and has-been celebrities hawk term life insurance for bar tabs.

And we can’t cry enough for those that have fallen on hard times with the IRS or those nasty credit card companies, who want the money we promised to pay them when we applied for their usurious interest rates.
But by God, I will not submit to “Vince”, who is the spokes jockey for “Shamwow” the German substitute for American paper towels. Seems that the former barker for the weakest link in Carnival history has missed a few things that “Shamwow” is NOT good for. Yes, you can dry your car, boat or pickup with Shamwow, but you can’t you wipe the grease from your bacon pan, the fingerprints from you stainless refrigerator or the cat puke from your carpet. You can’t scrape last nights pasta from your casserole dish, the blueberry jamb from your new tee-shirt or the gun oil from your sawed-off, used to shoot Carnival barkers. Now I could go on, but I think you are getting the point.

Now, normally there would be some high and mighty government agency dedicated to telling us what NOT to believe on T.V., but Pelosi and Reid are far too busy saving our planet and destroying our country to lower themselves to dealing with false advertising. Besides, if they demanded credulity from Billy Mayes, it might just infringe on their pathetic attempts at selling their own agenda.

But hey, I could be wrong. The Dumbplumber

Dumbpumber as King part tres

Comes now the time for the Dumbplumber to wade where no king has waded before….politics. I have spent more hours than I should have listening to the relentless bullshit dished out by politicians, their staff and their sycophants. Under my realm the oral hemorrhaging will come to a complete and absolute halt….or there will be hell to pay.

Senators, Congresspersons and all the public servants below them, down to the lowly local representatives will hereafter cease the senseless doubletalk, pontificating and blathering from their pie holes.

First of all, they are all going to get pay cuts. I think about half of what they get now would be a good start, since they aren’t doing anything anyway when they are in session…. except spending money they don’t have. Next, they can start taking commercial flights, instead of military planes, to and from their home districts. Maybe they can use that quiet time to think of things that just might raise their approval ratings, that are hovering near 11% as I speak. The ongoing policy of buying votes with government handouts is going to stop. No more deficit spending unless we are being attacked or launching a pre-emptive strike to avoid attack.

You got a flood, fire, earthquake, tornado or hurricane-- tough-- suck it up. Prepare yourself with the appropriate insurance or get your neighbors to help you, like they do in the fly-over states when things go Dixie. The U.S. government isn’t a big cookie jar just looking for a party.

Next, we remove any rules of decorum that prohibit one politician from calling another one an A-hole. Since it takes one to know one, this should pretty well speak for itself. And while we’re at it, it will no longer be tolerated for one TV guest to speak over another, during an interview. It is not only poor form, but really annoys the Dumbplumber and his Queen.

And so as not to allow politicians to compound their failures, all campaigns will be truncated to one week before election time. You will either have to account for your past behavior some other way or witness your successor pull your pants down in seven days. Only about 15% of Americans vote now anyway, so you won’t notice the difference.

Besides, if more Americans took the time to vote on American Idol than voted in the last election, nothing about a six month or one year campaign is going to cure what ails us, that is unless the general election candidates agree to a WWF Cage Match Smack Down. Now that I would pay to see.

And finally, from day one forward “lobbyists” will be prohibited. “Lobbyist” is just another way to spell, money, graft, bribery and corruption. If congressmen want to know what their constituents need, all they need to do is read their mail, emails and answer their phone messages. If there is a reason we are where we are, we might consider the invasive and well healed lobbyists, who are lined up in the express lane outside congressional offices.

There is a reason the Founding Fathers crafted the Constitution the way they did. Time for us to get back to the basic rules that made us the great nation we are. Time to put the Ten Commandments back on government buildings, to remind those who removed them, just why 11% approval isn’t exactly rock star status. The Dumbplumber