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Thursday, September 22, 2005

On Abortion--The Dumbplumber's View

The Dumbplumber on Abortion
Here is the straight skinny on the abortion issue:
Liberals say, they want abortion to be legal, because it is the woman’s right.
Conservatives say they want abortion to be illegal because it is murder.
Liberal do NOT say they want abortion to be legal, because they want the taxpayers to pay for it, when the woman can’t.
Conservatives do NOT say, they want abortion made illegal, because they don’t want to pay for it.
I’m of the group that says, I don’t care if it is legal or illegal. I believe that a woman must live with herself, when she has an abortion. I just don’t want my money to pay for it, especially when some Hobags have abortions as a birth control method. Period.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

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Sunday, September 18, 2005

Newdow's World

Ok, so we don’t have to say the Pledge of Allegiance, or the ‘under god’part anyway, in our public schools. This clearly is a movement to remove all references to a higher being from any and all public and public funded places. But why stop there? The movement will ultimately include money, literature, history and any other offending particle in, on or around the public.

Next, we might remove all references to God from Government buildings, but we will still have to pass through metal detectors at airports, schools and Courthouses, or be barred entrance.

When we remove ‘In God we Trust’ from our currency, so we may pay our bills with currency labeled “in diversity we trust“, “in consensus we trust”, “in Michael Newdow we trust”, or more likely, “we don’t trust anybody”.

We will be forced to purge all references to God in the Constitution,Bill of Rights and Declaration of Independence, while swearing to tell the truth, at trial, by placing our hands on a stack of Martha Stewart recipes.

The blueprint for leading a productive and positive life, the TenCommandments, will be erased from all public places and replaced with the ‘Miranda Rights‘, in chiseled granite.

There will be no more crusades, sermons, or the singing of the Star Spangled Banner within public funded stadiums. Instead the forums will host sensitivity classes, bio-diversity seminars, Love-in’s and concerts performed by remnants of old Rock and Roll groups.

We will no longer be allowed to say “Holy f*cking God” or Jesus H. f*cking Christ”, while witnessing explosions of the Space Shuttle or rockets. Instead, the official explicative will be, “Hot Damn”, “Bubba, did you see that?” and “Cooter, get me a beer”.

While we are at it, we must then remove all reference to Satan, theDevil, Hell and any other anti-God, anti-Christ reference, from public places. For instance, no more Deviled Egg sandwiches in government parks or Devil Ray sports teams. Clearly we will have to rename Hell’s Kitchen, Devils Canyon and Devil’s Tower.

The removal of all references of God and anti-God will take years and leave history, historical sites, and literature unrecognizable. Fortunately, there will be absolutely NO impact on NPR and PBS

Ted Kennedy vs John Roberts

Talk about an insufferable gasbag turning the questioning of Roberts into an inquisition for the sole purpose of Mug time for the Party faithful. Ted Kennedy, in some sort of reality haze, attempted to lock horns with an extremely qualified, knowledgeable, lockbox of endless Supreme Court minutia, and made an incredible ass of himself at the expense of the Democratic Party. Kennedy, reading from prepared statements and questions, provided by his staff, was NO match for the extemporaneous Roberts, who has a commanding grasp of details, dates, memos, arguments, decisions and appeals of this nations highest courts, dating back decades. Ted Kennedy should stick with subjects he knows, like the alcohol content of single malt scotch, what it means when a woman says NO, and the buoyancy of an inverted, submerged Oldsmobile. His Circus performance is just hurting the Party, since his own reputation can be injured no further.

Dumbplumber Rants on Plumbing

This is a post that I did on my original website Since I am now posting using blogger I thought I would repost it here.

Every occupation has it own ups and downs. The Dumb Plumber has a list of irritations.
Disclaimer: resemblance to actual people, living or dead may be entirely accidental....or not.


From: The Dumb Plumber,

To: Lawyers, Doctors, and Stock Brokers
And others holding certificates of higher learning and deeds to vacation property in our fair intermountain community.

The following is a short list of facts that was somehow not conveyed to you during your extensive collegiate experience:

A) Water freezes at and below 32 degrees Fahrenheit. This may explain why, after not winterizing before leaving last fall, the lower floor of your summer home resembled a Louisiana swamp when you arrived.

B) The toilet is neither a garbage can, waste basket, or a sandbox for your two year old. So that feigned look of surprise is lost on me when I fish the toy telephone or other unmentionable, from the goose neck of your toilet.

C) You will be unable to contact your maintenance man on Friday evening of the first three day weekend of the year. He regrets that you failed to let him know of your arrival a week or two earlier and you and your guests have no electricity, water or phone service. He has turned off his answering machine and gone away, so he won’t ruin his weekend doing what he could have done the week before.

D) For those of you who choose to live in the urban cesspools with your traffic jams, signal lights, rude drivers and street gangs, you might appreciate that we do not. Most of us living here were not born here and we like NOT hearing car alarms, panhandlers, and that little annoying beep when car doors lock. You might be shocked to learn that unless we have left our prize retriever or an engraved shotgun in our pickup trucks, we don’t even lock our doors when we go to the post office or grocery store. In fact, in the 20 years I have been here the only auto theft was from a store owner who left his keys in the ignition for the past 30 years.

E) I won’t be repairing that electric oven the day before Thanksgiving that you know has been broken since before Labor Day. (I know you are wondering why a Dumb Plumber is repairing appliances, but up here we wear more than one hat).

F) Please don’t bother reminding me that I could be making $80 to $90 per hour in the city, when I wouldn’t live there for $500 per hour. There are some things more important than money.

G) Please don’t try to tell the Dumb Plumbers wife, in painful detail, what that little that annoying popping sound is like coming from your gas water heater, after she has told you that I will not be home for a few hours. It’s not that she doesn’t sympathize, but her degrees are in anthropology and finance and is politely answering my phone, while busy with her own career. These protracted descriptions will most likely delay any repairs

H) If you have no mechanical abilities whatsoever, please don’t let that cute little babe in the orange apron at Home Depot tell you that you can do this job. The Dumb Plumber gets really annoyed fixing someone else’s screw ups and absolutely livid when trying to repair fixtures with repair parts 75 or more miles away. Always buy critical fixtures with repair parts sold locally

I) When engaging the Dumb Plumber to perform installations or repairs to residential fixtures, please do not tell him that YOU used to be in the “business” or that your brother-in-law knows how to do this. If that brother-in-law knows so damn much, then get him up here from L.A. to do it.

J) For Gods sake, don’t tell the Dumb Plumber about building, plumbing or electrical codes. In my 20 years here I have witnessed that, half of the residential construction in our community over 30 years old is a hodgepodge of materials and workmanship, the envy of 1950’s Appalachia. And to add insult to injury, this hodgepodge was most likely the efforts of your next door neighbor and his cousins performing these tasks over a weekend with the previous owner, involving the better half of a bottle of Jack Daniels.

K) Of course helping the Dumb Plumber is always a plus. He is ever amused when you explain why your main supply of water is delivered by a patchwork of copper, PVC, galvanized, vinyl and black iron pipes (not to mention the occasional heater hose). I know that these eclectic segments were the product of limited time and random resources. However, understand that your explanation is falling on deaf ears and Dueling Banjos is playing in the Dumb Plumbers’ head.

L) The Dumb Plumber just loves late night calls. Yes, that 10 P.M. call that there is a faucet dripping really inspires the Dumb Plumber to jump into his tool belt and respond at light speed to the perceived threat of water loss. Truth is, the Dumb Plumber shuts off his answer phone volume at 8 P.M. and reviews the previous night’s calls the next morning after coffee and the paper.

M) If you don’t know how to shut off your water supply from your pressure tank or the community water system, or if you don’t know where your septic tank or lift station is located, or if you don’t know where your pump or water supply comes from, you need to. Ignorance of these things is a great annoyance to the Dumb Plumber. It will cost you a lot of money to have him do the job that your well driller, septic tank installer, general contractor, real estate agent or previous seller should have done.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

A Case for Personal Responsibility

The Dumbplumber has, so far, remained silent on the whole Katrina mess, but that is about to end. Katrina is a very complex situation, not made any less so by the 24/7 news grinders, vote hungry politicians and ass saving bureaucrats. My silence on the subject has been cloaked by the whining, caterwauling, and finger pointing by everyone from Ted Kennedy to the Mayor of New Orleans, looking for a sacrificial Republican, on which to place the blame.

So after a considerable period of information gathering and reflection, I had a ‘gray matter’ moment in which I recalled a Federal Judge once telling me that, “you are the master of your own ship, you are, where you are, because of you”. Which pretty much sums up the folks remaining in New Orleans.

Let’s review. For the past 40 to 50 years, due to rising river sediment and sinking land mass, New Orleans has been lower than sea level. This is NOT a closely held secret or matter of national security. It is a well publicized fact. A fact not lost on the first million people to exit the city, prior to Katrina’s hit.

Personally, the concept of living under sea level, protected only by a levy constructed by the U.S. Government, is beyond belief. Remaining there in the face of a category 5 hurricane, with levies designed to withstand only a category 3 hurricane, is comparable to playing Russian Roulette with 5 bullets. But I digress.

Katrina had to be one of the slowest train wrecks in history. Five days prior to landfall, Katrina was predicted to hit the gulf coast and 2 days before, it was predicted to hit Louisiana, Cat 5. What part of, “get out of the city NOW” did these people not understand?

Of course we hear of the poor, the infirm, the young and helpless, not to mention the old and witless. But of the 500,000 remaining during the storm, 400,000 decided to cut their losses and bail out when the levy broke, after the storm. That left 100,000 of the most vulnerable, the least intelligent and the most likely to blame the Government, when the feces hit the oscillating mechanism.

It is amazing to witness the excuses of those, not leaving during the first two Katrina warnings. “I didn’t have a car”, “ I have diabetes”, “there was no one to help me” and my personal favorite, “I had to wait for my (welfare)check” are all phrases used by tens of thousands, who have the energy to loot liquor stores, complain about the temperature of their MREs, be lifted off their rooftops by 4 million dollar helicopters, walk to banks to cash their checks and the hundreds of other things they did prior to Katrina. But lack the will, motivation or mental capacity to realize that they needed to get their sorry asses out of Dodge or die. But now, it is somehow the governments fault.

Please forgive me, but except for the very elderly, the infirm, the disabled, and the lost and forgotten, I shed nary a tear for the tens of thousands, stranded, thirsty, hungry, angry, entitlement sucking losers and slackers remaining in harms way. They had several opportunities to heed the warnings and take personal responsibility, and they blew it. Now apparently it’s Bush’s fault. It’s the Governor’s fault. It’s the Mayor’s fault.

No, my homeless friend, it’s your fault. Now admit it and get on with your miserable, ignorant, money sucking, loser life. Take your helicopter, hummer or school bus rides, to wherever you are going, get a job and start a new life, like the victims of other catastrophes . On the other hand, you can just keep your hand out, whining about your losses on Cable News and take whatever the Government gives you.