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Saturday, October 10, 2009

The Notell Nobel

This morning I queried, who’d ever thought that it would be easier to get the Nobel Peace Prize than a bowling trophy? That seemed funny until I learned that it was to be a trophy for your first 100 game.

Since then I’ve had a whole day and a lot of input, to put this all into perspective and things are far worse than I thought. Nevermind that most of the Media sophisticates are likewise befuddled at how the worst bowler in presidential history scored a Nobel Prize. So, after some Web surfing, Google punching and, last but not least, plunger gazing, I think, by George, I’ve got it.

The secret to all this bruhaha is that the Nobel isn’t quite as important as we had originally thought. Or in the bastardized words of Inigo Montoya, “I don’t think ‘Peace Prize’ means what you think it means”. For instance, It has been reported that Sundance Resort is giving away Nobel Prizes with every season pass. Not true. They are giving away the Nobel with parking pass. It is Mt. Ashland’s Bunny Hill that gives away Nobels with every season pass.

Furthermore, you can take any of these Nobels and get a free pizza at Godfather Pizza, in over 300 U.S. cities.

Nobels have been reportedly given to growers of very large pumpkins, winners of hot dog eating competitions and hookers who have shown generous compassion to farm animals and Liberal politicians…on the same evening. These prizes grace the mantles of countless winners of dwarf tossing, gourd smashing and gerbil racing championships.

Some say that it wouldn’t be long before the S&H company was going to issue “Nobel” collecting booklets where you could glue in your prizes instead of the old stamps. Plans are to award a Chinese toaster for every 5 booklets of Nobels.

Yes my friends, the Nobels aren’t what they used to be, and neither are the recipients. So if you are somehow dazed and confused about the importance of the Nobels today, you’re not half as stunned as the guy it was given to.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Obama Keeping His Promise

We are often told that life is a stage. I say Horse Hockey. It may have been a stage at one time, because a stage usually has three acts and an ending. But there never has been a stage, a play or even a sideshow like we are seeing today.

No, over last 8 months life has been more like a parade, just one jumbo elephant turd after another mucking up the “Acts” trying to get down the street. And in this parade there is quite a cast of characters mumbling, stumbling and trying to scrape the dung off their boots every few steps.

It is alleged that P.T. Barnum said, “there’s a sucker born every minute”, but he never lived to see the FUBAR we are witnessing today. It appears that over a hundred million of these “suckers” signed on to the absurd promises, the twisted hyperbole, the impossible prognostications of a man that would say absolutely anything to get elected….knowing that his words were as empty as the heads of those supporting him. I particularly liked the part how he promised he wasn’t going to raise taxes.

Whether is was the $787 billion dollar “Porkulus Bill”, the Auto Bailout, or the repeated Citibank and AIG bailouts, taxpayers were left holding the bag for trillions, under the guise of urgency, be-damned bankruptcy and reason.

Now, that the ink has yet to dry on those boondoggles, we are being told that Healthcare is on the verge of bankrupting us, so we must insure everyone on the taxpayer’s back in order to save America. Nevermind that this monumental exercise in deception is bogged down in Yak guano in the bowels of Congress, our Leader is up in the U.N. telling the world that America is going to the mat to fight “climate change”(formerly called global warming, but was changed when it was discovered that over the past 10 years the earth has been cooling).

What is amusing is that for someone that has sided with the “environmental evolutionists” he is going to stop an environment that has been changing for billions of years.

Far be it from me to attempt to stop this exercise in futility. I just sit back and enjoy the parade knowing I will insure that he keeps at least one of his promises.

Random Thoughts

It is so amusing to witness the early moves by politicians who are eying a White House run in 2012. Other than Mitt Romney, who has been running since 2006, Tim Pawlenty has made his initial moves to put together a campaign staff. Well my friends, Tim Pawlenty has a wake up call coming.

You see, Tim is like a high school football quarterback warming up on one side of the field, who looks to the other side and sees Brett Favre in lipstick and high heels doing his nails on the other.

And on an unrelated subject, Iranian President for Life, Dinner-Jacket-and-a-Job, is officially thanking ACORN for his recent win in the Iranian national elections. Seems that he hired ACORN to register voters, kept them on as polling monitors(jack boots and all) then commissioned them to count the ballots. High kudos to ACORN for their capable and guaranteed win in a well fought election.

Too bad he couldn’t have kept them around to carry the bodies of the campaign protestors off the streets.

Caution to the IOC during the pending visit by Michele and Barack to Denmark pushing the Chicago hosting of the 2016 Olympics.

First, when a fleet of D.C. jets collect on your runways to promote an athletic event in Chicago, pay attention. They aren’t there for the children, they’re there for the money.

Second, when you get between a Chicago politician and his money, you will be lucky to end up the puck in one of the hockey games.

No, this is NOT a joke.

The Palin Rx

A lot of fun is being had at the expense of Sarah Palin. Indeed, the Letterman elitists, the Beverly Hills Crybabies and Ivy League snobs barely hold a candle to the treatment she receives from the Wall Street cabal infested with the overeducated, underachieving trust fund babies who have bought and paid for the Republican Party. A party that has hijacked the term “Conservative“, but can barely explain what it means.

Unfortunately, real Conservatives DO know what it means and in the words of Inigo Montoya, “it doesn’t mean what they think it means”.

No, Sarah Palin has been the pinata of everyone scared shitless that she has connected with middle America and those of us on both ends of the country that believe in our Constitution, limited government, lower taxes, personal responsibility and sanctity of life.

She has pixilated mass media Liberals, who relish at the notion of shutting down talk radio and cable news, not toting the Party line. And her recent endorsement of the Tea Party activists and vows to support Conservatives has the Republicans wetting their panty hose over a Third Party surge that ended up putting Bill Clinton on Pennsylvania Avenue instead of Bush 41.

But the Dumbplumber doesn’t believe, for a minute, that Palin would pull a Ross Perot in 2012. She doesn’t have to. All she has to do is liberate the Republican Party. Sure, there would be some resistance, but who would really notice if the RINOs just pulled in their horns and wandered across the isle to join with the losers they have been accommodating for years. It would be easy. Just hand pick real Conservatives and invite the others to leave the room.

You see, the answers to today’s problems aren’t “complicated” they aren’t “complex”, they aren’t even “hard”. What they are, are painfully simple if you apply basic principles, reason, logic and a little sugar to help the medicine go down. And that is where Dr. Palin comes in. She’s the sugar, government is the ailment and you are the cure. And once America figures this out, Big Government will be in remission and recovery in sight.