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Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter Reflections

Perhaps, on this Passover, it would be appropriate to stop and take some stock in the Dumbplumber’s place in the world and whether he deserves it… or not. While the Dumbplumber is not a member of any recognized church--he believes that there are quite enough bible thumpers, snake dancers and isle rollers already--he never the less spends moments every day talking with his Lord and Savior. Well to be honest, he talks and the Lord spends some time listening. I wouldn’t describe it as a dialogue.

You see, he freely admits it. The Dumbplumber’s misspent youth, till say about 32--funny how that’s about the age that Jesus was crucified--was spent violating most of the ten commandments and all of the seven deadly sins.

But all of that was turned around by a few of America’s finest adult babysitters, better known as the FBI. Yes my fellow wire heads there is nothing that says “STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING DUMMY” than a guy you thought was your best friend putting handcuffs on you. And that’s when it hit him, “THIS ISN’T WORKING TURDHEAD, STRAIGHTEN UP OR THEY’LL SHIP YOU OUT IN A BOX“. But I digress.

After a brief stay at a very nice and very secure facility on the Central Coast, I am proud to announce that the Dumbplumber is now the master of his own ship--a phrase he memorized from a Federal Judge.

However, he is still working on those living guidelines. That Lust, coveting the neighbors wife and adultery thing is pretty easy. You haven’t seen the neighbors wife. The stealing, murdering and lying thing is a piece of cake except for a little fib or two once in awhile to save some feelings. He is still working on Gluttony and Greed since every time he gets a few extra bucks there is a thick Ribeye on the grill. And he is left with honoring his Mom only, since Dad checked into Heaven about ten years ago, to set some folks up there straight. And last but not least, he proudly flies the stars and stripes, not as a false idol, but rather an honor to all those he knows is much better than he.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

The Palin Punch

It is laughable how the Main Stream Media spends so much time pummeling Sarah Palin and her family. Compared to her real image as a responsible State Governor, the U.S. Congress looks more like six NFL linebackers stuffed into a clown car. Perhaps it makes more sense to realize that the Left is scared shitless of her coming out in the 2012 Presidential elections, so they are doing everything now to marginalize her.

There can be no argument that she would have fared much better, had she been on top of the ‘08 ticket with a real Conservative at the bottom. But her coming-out party, as the VP pick, gave a flicker of hope that her aspirations would not stop at Juneau. She is the most humble, competent and inspirational candidate to arrive on the nation’s political stage since Ronald Reagan.

And to the Liberals dismay, she is wise to hole up in Alaska, honing her political chops, forcing their “shadow weasels“ to fly back and forth between New York and Wasilla to dig up dirt. Nothing says covert Liberal spy better than some chain smoking skank, sporting Fifth Avenue togs, running between logger bars in Anchorage, trying to pump the locals for Sarah or Todd trash. But when you are hired, by the Democrat Party smear machine, with dishing up dirt to stop the Palin campaign train in its tracks, with a pre-emptive strike, no sacrifice is too low to ignore.

No my friends, when Sarah Palin steps off a chartered jet, during the next Presidential campaign, she will not be tethered to some back stabbing Moderate, like a ball and chain. She will hit the ground running, with a message that the party is over, no more business as usual, heads will roll, and she will take NO prisoners. The status quo will crumble at her feet, because a hundred million “real people” will come off the sidelines to support her, to save our Nation.

My only advice to her is to stay off Leno, Letterman and the View, and only go on Saturday Nite Live if Tina Fey agrees to a debate first. America, it will only be over if she doesn’t run in ‘012.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

In the land of Unintended Consequences

In the land of Unintended Consequences, Barack Obama is King. Yes my friends, the Community Organizer-in-Chief, on his march towards Emperor of the Universe, has come upon a number of obstacles he claims he had not foreseen. Of course he continues to blame that pesky ole George Bush.

I mean, who would ever envision resistance to the biggest spending Bill in history, when Congress was pressed by the White House to vote for it, BEFORE they had even read it. Gosh, who’da thunk it.

And who would have ever thought that Americans would be outraged when they discovered that the White House and Secretary of the Treasury were involved in the bonuses paid to AIG executives, after their collapse, but feigned shock and awe when the bonuses drew outrage from taxpayers? Boy did that ever blow the dust off the teleprompter.

And the Union Organizer-in-Chief didn’t understand that he was giving about 250 times more bailout money to bankers than to the auto workers. And the bankers aren’t even unionized. Whoa, how did this happen?

But the most outrageous faux pax was during the waning days of the campaign, when Obama was promising, yes ladies and gentlemen I said promising tax cuts for 95% of America, when he said, "you will not see any of your taxes increase one single dime." And this when all economic indicators were tanking--due to the mortgage meltdown--and Bush 43 was crafting the first $170 billion bailout for Wall Street… with no end in sight.

Meanwhile Obama was touting Universal Healthcare, a new power grid, his version the Hitler Youth Corps and the Brown Shirts along with an overhaul of the nation’s transportation infrastructure, and all without a hint of tax increases. Now however, Mr. Obama has pushed so many new spending measures that he is going to double in six months, what it has taken America, since Franklin Roosevelt, to accumulate.

So, it would not be a stretch to conclude that the Spend-A-Holic-in-Chief was lying through his pearly whites when he promised those tax breaks. But hey, that’s politics. America you bought him, you got him

Obamacide 95% Bullcrap

It seems that every day, Obama throws a handful of bull puckey against the wall, then talks up everything that doesn’t move. However, what he isn’t talking about are his campaign promises, and the wholesale breaking thereof. And what he talks about least are his “revenue enhancements“.

So, while he and his Kool Aid drinking little bobble headed minions maintain that 95% of Americans “will receive a tax break”(think income), what he doesn’t say is that he is all about raising taxes, tolls and tariffs on all Americans across the board. But you won’t hear about this on the MSM.

This isn’t unlike the pre-Prop 13 California politicians who, on one election cycle, would promise that property taxes would not be raised, then watched with mock surprise when property assessments would skyrocket. Then in the alternate election cycle promise that assessments would not increase while witnessing tax increases. Technically correct, but morally reprehensible.

What is different today is Obama enjoys an over-52% approval rating, which translates into, “over half of America is still brain dead and would follow him over a cliff if he were wearing a clown suit with his hair on fire“.

Whether it is duties, tariffs, or taxes on phone calls, tires, gas, deaths or perks, they’re all going up. And with the nation in a tailspin, States are taking the same cue and raising sales taxes, fishing/hunting licenses, auto licenses and every permit they issue. Everybody will pay more, a lot more, under Obama. But you will not hear this in the MSM either. They are too busy listening to the daily ejection of White House excrement to actually look into what is being done to us, quietly and behind the scenes.

And if anybody is suffering under the illusion that this draconian, opportunistic, systematic pocket picking by bureaucrats and politicians will NOT result in a taxpayer backlash, they are either sadly ignorant or one of the 52%, in a dead run, to follow him over the cliff.

My Dear Mr. Steele

Mr. Michael Steele--Chairman
Republican National Committee

My Dear Mr. Steele,

Given that you have sent me any number of solicitations disguised as surveys, questionaires and membership applications, and since I have sent you any number of responses detailing WHY the Republican Party is in the dumper and what they need to do to get out, with you never responding to any of my suggestions, I am beginning to feel that our relationship is perhaps… one sided. I, in fact, am beginning to feel that my attention is being diverted, while someone at RNC is trying to pick my pocket.

Mr. Steele, one thing is painfully clear. At every turn that you do NOT take my advice, you do continue to solicit my money. Michael, we already have one guy doing that and it isn’t working for him either.

As before, until you divest the RNC of the isle-crossing RHINOs, the Kennedy-loving moderates and the 3 Stooges: Snowe, Specter and Collins, you won’t be winning any national elections or respect any time soon.

While we’re at it, until you rid the healthcare system of trial lawyers (think capping jury awards), while promoting personal responsibility with balanced meals, modest exercise, moderate drinking, prevention of smoking and cessation of illegal drug use as a precursor to public financed healthcare, you will NEVER solve our healthcare crisis, either.

And since I am dispensing some common sense advice, you can virtually stop the flood of violence across our southern border by simply requiring ANY recipient of U.S. tax dollars--whether it be contractors, doctors, deadbeats, public employees or politicians themselves to submit to drug testing, you will never solve the drug or violence issues they produce.

Which brings us to the ACLU and the Eco-Nazis, who will have to take a permanent back seat to the needs of this country, if we are to ever be free from foreign oil, narcotics or threats to our security. There, now I will send you this as my contribution to our Nation’s problems.

Sharing the Pain

Well, I knew it would happen sooner or later. Announcements from State Legislatures, Congress and all the way to the White House that “America will have to Share the Pain“, “We’re all in this together“, and the mother of all euphemisms, “There will be shared sacrifice”. Of course this comes from those driving government owned luxury cars, receiving routine pay increases and “One” who is flying the biggest luxury jet in the world with another as backup in case the ash trays are full on the first. I don’t think they’re seeing the pain much less than feeling it.

No America, while less than one tenth of 1% of us was plundering the golden goose, the rest of us were going about our daily business, in ignorant bliss. While 435 of us were all busy setting the stage for the biggest money grab in history-- when they weren’t lying through their teeth to get elected and re-elected-- the rest of us were just putting in our 8 to 5’s, paying the mortgage, keeping the lights on and burning a steak on the grill once in awhile.

It never stops grinding my gears when a handful of the obscenely greedy pull off a scam that the rest of us get to pay for… under shared sacrifice. Then, the very ones that are responsible, get a pay raise to initiate legislation that will provide the loopholes for the next scandal.

Case in point: Congress provided the lax oversight that created the Mortgage Meltdown, then inserted wording in a subsequent Bill that provided bonuses to those responsible for the meltdown--at taxpayer expense--then denied doing so, before blaming the White House. God, I’d love a job like that. Hey, where do I sign up?

And while those responsible for America’s protection receive huge campaign contributions from those profiting from the loopholes, us little people just keep on keeping on, paying for the lunacy and sharing the pain.

Isn’t it funny how we don’t get to share the wealth, before we are forced to share the sacrifice. Hey, I don’t make this up. I just report what you don’t want to hear.