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Friday, June 29, 2007

How to galvanize the voters

If you want to galvanize the Left and the Right; if you want to mobilize an electorate, who historically are apathetic; if you want to enrage the meek test the resolve of the complacent; if you want to mobilize the combined forces of the Internet, big Media and Talk Radio, just try and shove another Bill through Congress that has been crafted behind close doors, by a bipartisan group of self aggrandizing politicians bent on little else than profit and politics, whose notable significance is a blatant double standard and biased action pitting law abiding citizens against known and proven criminals, all at the expense of tax paying Americans

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Fred Thompson...Meet the Meat Grinder

Well Fred Thompson is gearing up for the inevitable assaults, character assassination and rabid political attacks, mostly seen during political campaigns. Of course these assaults are postured as hard hitting investigations, probing interviews and careful scrutiny of the public record, when in reality they are mangled interpretations of best intentions, front loaded outcomes and “cherry picked” events supporting universal condemnation. Mr. Thompson, welcome to the ‘08 elections.

First, we have to get one thing straight. Fred is Fred take him or leave him. If you don’t like him, don’t believe in him or are fully prepared to believe any half baked, politically contrived assault on his reputation, record or character, then don’t vote for him. Just keep believing the political assassins and vote for… Hillary.

On the other hand, if you are comforted by Fred’s straight forward, no-nonsense, down-to-earth delivery of our Nation’s problems and his solutions then listen to the pundits, as I do, for entertainment purposes only. The poor dears, they are only doing a job that no one else will lower themselves to do.

Everyone must remember that just about every talking head with an opinion, short of a pollster, has a dog in this fight. It is their job to jade the opposition while promoting their dog. Misguiding, mischaracterizing and misleading is their stock-in-trade, never mind that “their” candidate has hired and paid them to do this.

Remember the “Swiftboaters”? Once, they were decorated, courageous, veterans, who served their country with honor and were from both political parties. However, once they came out in force against John Kerry in the ‘04 elections, they were a rabid group of partisan, psychotic, hate-mongering Conservatives bent on derailing a highly decorated Vietnam Veteran, just trying to be President. Never mind that the “Swiftboaters” didn’t have a dog in the fight other than their personal knowledge of Mr. Kerry and his “real” service in the War.

When the Liberals were done with them, some lost their jobs, several lost their friends, they all lost their privacy, but none lost their courage, conviction, or character.

As far as Fred goes, this isn’t his first rodeo. He is no stranger to politics or campaigns. Remember that Fred won landslide victories in his Senate campaigns in Tennessee, a State that Al Gore couldn’t carry in the 2000 presidential race. And Al was the previous Senator.
Pundits and partisans are quick to point out that Fred, …”is very wide, but not very deep” or that he is cashing in on his TV personality. So what? Fred has every right, every qualification and a profound understanding of what is wrong with our political leadership today to endow and equip him to be President.

The political meat grinders would have us believe that Fred doesn’t have the will or cojones to be President. Well, I disagree. Fred has more cojones than all but one in the Democratic field. And the jury is still out on her.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Driver's Training

I really thought a recent story on a car that could park itself was either a joke or some engineer with way too much time on his hands. It still is not clear why a “self parking” option is a safety item other than getting some incompetent moron off the street and into a parking spot before the guy behind him yanks him out of his car and gives him some incentive to learn how to park.

Which brings me to the seat belt/airbag/side airbag/roll over protection/crumple bodies/yada, yada, yada safety features offered on newer autos. Our new cars are so safety top heavy, if we were to roll back the maximum speed limit to 55mph today, it would be almost impossible to die in an auto accident tomorrow.

Which brings me to my driver training classes almost 40 years ago. Defensive driving was the first and foremost lesson taught in those classes which seems so superfluous today. In those days, being cautious wasn’t enough. Being very, very afraid was the first line of defense against an accident. Keeping appropriate distances between yourself and vehicles ahead, slowing for turns and looking both ways at intersections were the foundations of safe driving.

But today, with all the safety features, what’s the point of defensive driving? Someone gets in your way and blam, you lay into the sucker and get your attorney on the cell phone before the tow truck arrives. Why worry about the car? It’s not only replaceable, but the cars driven by middle America today have about the same potential of being a classic as Rosie O’Donnell has of being a runway model.

The point of this exercise is that being a good driver has taken a back seat to safety features. Today’s driving is complicated by cell phones, PDAs, Big Macs and Lattes, which provide distractions unheard of forty years ago. But the predictable outcome is that some motorists are depending on safety features instead of driving skills to save their sorry butts, when the rubber leaves the road.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

A Birthday Greeting

Greetings from the Dumbplumber on his birthday. While I don’t like to discuss my age, I prefer to describe my station in life as being late in my 2nd trimester. I am old enough to know that my peers are far more foolish than I ever expected, young enough to believe that there is still hope and too old to put up with crap, from anyone.

At this station stop, I don’t so much celebrate the event as reflect on the stations before it. I ponder some unlikely sidetracks, a derailment or two and look forward to some scenic downhill cruising before the old engine gets too tired to pull the grades.

While many anguish at the state of world affairs, I prefer to focus on those who will be my savior and support them. I don’t have enough sand in my hourglass to tilt at any more windmills. Rather I go about my day to day existence doing the things that make me happy, while helping others with their creature comforts. Few things make others happier than running water, hot water and working toilets. Trust me on this, when the world goes to hell, plumbers will be kings.

The doom and gloom forecast by hysterical climatologists, closet theologians and appeasement infected Liberals, only encourages me to gather and hoard more food and practice my favorite disaster relief program, barbequing. What’s not to like about watching the terminally stupid getting their just desserts while you feast on a medium rare rib eye, baked potato and a fine single malt scotch.

No, while much of America either ignores a growing threat or anguishes over capitulation as a remedy, I go merrily on my way believing that Red State America will “again” save the day. For it is they that have made all the previous payments on our extended lease of the Western world.

It is often I am asked while working, “how is it you know so much”. I simply reply that, “when you have made as many mistakes as I have, you will know it to”. It‘s called experience, some is good, some is bad, but it is all about learning, go with it. In the game of life, we must play the hand we have been dealt. Time to place your bets.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Governor Napolitano Needs To Get Facts Straight

With all due respect Gov. Janet Napolitano’s column she needs to get her facts straight, her priorities in order and lose her political ambiguities.

First, just because there are 12 million illegal aliens here doesn’t mean that they are ALL--”people who work, who have settled their families and who have raised their children here.” Our jails and prisons are bursting with “Illegals”, when we even bother to arrest or prosecute them. Forget that Washington dodges reimbursement to the States, for these Federal offenders like Rosie O’Donnell dodges the salad bar.

Second, I recall NO statute of limitations on being an Illegal Alien, ergo offenders should expect to spend the rest of their lives looking over their shoulders. Just because I snuck into Disneyland ten years ago, and have lived there ever since, doesn’t mean I get to stay there if I’m caught in “Pirates of the Caribbean” without a ticket.

The Governor’s “cherry picking” a few anecdotal events involving Illegals is not relevant. And as a U.S. Attorney, Ms. Napolitano should know it. If we’re going to get all anecdotal, we could assemble an encyclopedia of weird, twisted and seemingly unfair situations involving “citizens” of the U.S.. And as a former U.S. Attorney, now State Governor, nobody knows this better than Napolitano.

As for “State Measures” Governor Napolitano is in a perfect position to discourage illegal immigration. Her State Constitution allows for all sorts of “Measures” that would provide sufficient incentive to not enter or live in Arizona illegally. For instance they could impose severe penalties for employing Illegals, catching Illegals driving without licenses and/or insurance, or Illegals possessing falsified Arizona identification.

But NO, Napolitano chooses to just say that the system is broken and needs fixing, a great bumper sticker, but a lousy way to run a government. Better that she should utilize, exercise and execute the laws she already has on the books than to wait for the next “negotiated, pulverized and puréed “compromise” regurgitated by the U.S. Congress.

Napolitano needs to start acting more like a Governor and less like Cindy Sheehan.

Fred: Never Too Late To The Party

Fred Thompson must be getting the attention of the Presidential contenders and the Media, because he is now in the crosshairs of Pundits and Politicians alike. His wife’s too young and pretty; he’s too old and bald; he is playing off his T.V. celebrity; he is a high priced lobbyist; voters don’t know his record; yada, yada, yada.

Well, Zogby, Pew, Harris and Gallup are to blame. Ole’ Fred is riding solidly in second place behind Rudy and has already beat Hillary in several polls. No wonder he is on the Radar Screen. The man is a popularity machine and he hasn’t even announced yet. Time for the “political” steam rollers and meat grinders to take Fred down a notch or two. And when Hillary’s team gets done with him, he will be a wife beating, child molesting, con man with serious delusions that he could actually beat a Clinton to the White House.

Call Fred what you want, but don’t call him late to the party. Fred knows exactly what he is doing. He is keeping his powder dry and no stranger to politics, power, celebrity or campaigning. Make no mistake, this isn’t Fred’s first rodeo. He is masterfully manipulating the Internet and blogosphere, getting his message out in clear, succinct, simple terms that anyone but a political analyst can understand.

Big Media claims that Fred is an unknown quantity to America, never mind that anyone can “Google” Fred Thompson and find out anything they want about the former Senator/Actor/attorney/Assistant Attorney General and lobbyist. So if you don’t know anything about him, it’s your fault not Fred’s.

And the accusation that Fred, “ is just an actor looking to be President” was worn out during the Reagan campaign, and we all know how that turned out. Forget that Fred has been wandering around D.C. since before the Watergate hearings, he has never aspired for greatness. And after two terms as a U.S. Senator, it is my suspicion that Fred figured out that it is the Captain that turns the ship, not the stewards.

No, Fred Thompson will be the 800lb. gorilla in the room come July. But the mainstream Media, political analysts and pundits will have us believe that Fred is just Bonzo on steroids, up and until America tells them differently.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Immigration Euphemisms and A Solution

Illegal Immigrants. There I said it.

I didn’t say Immigrants. I didn’t say Migrant Workers. I didn’t say Undocumented Workers. I didn’t say Oppressed Masses just looking for a better life. I didn’t say Seasonal Farm Workers. I said “Illegal Immigrants”, or if you prefer, “Illegal Aliens“.

Illegal Immigrants are anyone here without permission, without documentation, without invitation. They have no legal standing, not withstanding credit cards, library cards or utility bills. By definition, they are illegal, unable to drive, work (if work includes paying taxes) or secure mandated vehicle “liability” insurance or any other position or service that requires a “valid” identification and/or social security card.

Of course the banking community--never one to ignore an 800 lb. financial gorilla--moved to ignore traditional identification obligations and “legitimized” millions of Illegals by opening bank accounts and issuing credit cards with exorbitant interest rates. Now there’s a mixed message that only Tony Soprano could appreciate.

While Congress struggles with “Illegal” immigration, balancing obligations to special interests, constituents and those pesky Federal Immigration Laws, the Dumbplumber and every 6th grader in the U.S. has figured this out. The answers are as follows:

A) Build the Fence. If you can’t control the flow, the problems will just grow. If we won’t allow the Border Patrol do their job, send them home. There’s plenty of NRA members, Minutemen and Klanners ready to fill the breach.

B) Deport all incarcerated Aliens immediately, with the clear understanding that if they return, they will be sent to Joe Arpaio’s jail in Arizona. I hear his baloney sandwiches are real tasty.

C) Deny Entitlements to all Illegals. It’s past the time to stop the fiscal hemorrhaging. Supporters of Illegals can pay the medical, housing and education costs of Illegals through personal donations until they are caught and shipped out.

D) Make it a serious crime to hire an Illegal Alien. No exceptions for Rock Stars, CEO’s or self indulgent sympathizers. And I don’t want to hear whining about tracking false ID’s. WalMart can track over a billion transactions every day. Let them do it.

E) Giving safe haven to Illegals is, and should, be a crime. Cut off all utilities to Churches, sanctuaries and organizations that harbor Illegals. A few days without water, electricity, garbage collection and cable T.V. should make the underground railroad look and smell more like a cattle train than AmTrak.

F) If the farmers want seasonal workers, just ask. We can empty the Home Depot and Seven Eleven parking lots of Aliens. Then when the crops are in, they can go home. The line to citizenship starts back across the border, not across the street.

G) If Congress doesn’t understand the word “Illegal” then they will have to suspend a lot of laws. We might start with making it “legal” to not pay your taxes. Nothing gets a Politicians attention quite like NOT having somebody else’s money to spend.

There, that wasn’t so hard was it? The Dumbplumber and all sixth graders humbly submit these solutions to Congress, so that they can move on to other and more self-aggrandizing legislation.

Sincerely, The Dumbplumber.