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Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Iran nuclear talks to extend past deadline
The State Department says enough progress has been made in the Iran nuclear talks to extend them to Wednesday. (Fox News)

Dumbplumber:  Yeah, I'd say they will continue up to the first mushroom cloud.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Adolescent Paradise

I’ve been giving some thought about all these 15,16 and 17 year old girls packing up from the UK and America and heading up to Syria to join up with ISIS.  Yeah, yeah, I know, at this age they do most of their thinking with their vaginas, but I digress. 

From a practical standpoint, how the ‘chazizell’ can these twatwaffles climb on an airplane (apparently with passports) and just wing their way to Turkey, then Syria, while Mom is getting her nails done and Dad is banging his secretary?  Do they have that many free air miles?  A bottomless AmEx? 

And I want to know how they got through security with that much K-Y Jelly.  Cause you know that dude on You Tube told them to bring plenty, for the party.  What other logical (yeah, I used that word loosely huh) explanation could there be?  No showers?  No need to change clothes, because you won’t have any below the Burka?(It slows down the foreplay)  You won’t have to do dishes?  (No, the goats lick them clean).  What?

Maybe the momentary thoughts of teaching Dad and Mom a lesson, for all that ‘parenting’ stuff sent them off the mental radar.  I mean, they’ll show the parents they aren’t the boss of me!  I can have all the sex I want, with whoever I want!  (Yeah, and that’ll just be the first day.  After that, It’ll be with way more and with way, way more than you want)

About 48 hours in an ISIS sweatbox with 40 or 50 cranked up jihads, will start making those long afternoons looking out the bay window of Daddy’s seaside mansion start to look pretty good. 

And when the initial bleeding is replaced by calluses and oozing blisters, well then a weekend doing dishes and re-grouting the bathrooms will look like a piece of paradise.  No sir, about the only thing the bottomless Bloomingdales card will be good for is sharpening one edge and slicing one’s own throat. 

And as for Daddy and Mommy, look for them to sell out and move with no forwarding address, because you just did them the biggest favor of your life.  Sayonara, you worthless piece of crap.

Monday, March 09, 2015

Dumbplumber’s War on GOP Candidates

I've came, I’ve seen, I’ve dismissed.  So far I have delisted most of the GOP field for president.  It goes something like this:

Sarah Palin:  Out, she’s too busy spending the money I sent her, on Jet A fuel to appear with Alec Baldwin on Saturday Nite Live.

Jeb Bush:  Hey, he’s a Bush, strikes one, two and three.

Chris Christie:  He needs to lose another hundred pounds and his asshole attitude.  He'd make a far better Democrat candidate than Republican. 

Rick Santorum:  He will be president right after my cat becomes queen of the world.

Tom Tancredo:  Good man, but one mission, illegal aliens.

Rand Paul:  Good senator with a nutball father.  Wants to appease illegal aliens.  Goodbye.

Marco Rubio:  Did I mention amnesty for illegal aliens? 

Ben Carson:  If he had James Earl Jones voice, he would already be president.  I don’t like lectures from monotone candidates.

Mike Hucka……:  Hey Goober, take your biscuits and gravy back to Arkansas.

Scott Walker:  Scott Walker, good man who got his ethanol mixed up with his politics.

Ted Cruz:  I really don’t have a bad thing to say about Ted, but wait until next week.  

Rick Perry:  Hey Rick, this is the big one.  Stop practicing your opening act.

The Dumbplumber

Saturday, March 07, 2015

Bongo Bongino

Former Secret Service agent Dan Bongino has his knickers in a knot over the Hillary Clinton email scandal.  Seems that dear Dan believes Bill, Hillary and the entire government apparatchik operates by a different set of rules than the "Little People".  Wow Dan, who turned on your light bulb?

Dan has failed as a politician, failed as a servant of the Constitution, failed his Oath of Office, failed as a Patriot.  And now he wants to weigh in on an email scandal!

Bongino had an opportunity to change the direction of this fucked up country and he blew it.  He was arms length from Bill, Hill and their cadre of traitors working 24/7 to violate the Constitution and their Oaths of Office.  He didn't need to cap them with his 'Nine', he could have rung their necks with his bare hands. 

Likewise every Secret Service agent on duty today, who has sworn to uphold the Constitution and protect America from enemies from without and within, are forsaking their sworn duty.

Mr. Bongino can kiss my ass.  He had his chance, he won't get another one.  So Dan, go back to your man-cave and shut the fuck up.  Cash those retirement checks, like all those generals on Fox News, that didn't say diddly about Obama until they were ensconced in their gold plated retirements, AND now are outraged by his leadership. 

You all can go to Hell.