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Friday, February 22, 2008

Failed civilization

Somewhere the grand experiment of “Civilized Man” went terribly wrong. Now, I don’t mean that man didn’t progress, he did. He developed tools, discovered fire and apparently established the family unit. But right after that, things began going Dixie.

“Man” appears to have developed with a few inherent flaws that civilization cannot change. And to our detriment, these primal urges seem to be indelibly etched into our DNA.

“Thou shalt not kill… Thou shall not steal and…Thou shall not covet thy neighbors wife”, were some pretty good rules to live by and were provided to “Man” several thousand years ago in many different languages, but over time it doesn’t seem to have helped much.

Even “Rights” given “Man“, by other men, like, “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” and the entire “Bill of Rights” hasn’t elevated us much beyond the invention of the wheel.

Man has always had a problem with the Ten Commandments. Especially Civilized Man when it comes to stealing, killing and fooling around with another’s woman. It appears to be the nature of the beast. And all the laws that protect the “rights” of the accused, and all the rights granted the abused, inflicted and defective has, at the benefit of the few, has proven to be a detriment to the whole.

Surely, men have assaulted, kidnapped and raped women since the beginning of time, but modern man seems to do it more as a blood sport than any historical attempt to diversify the gene pool.

But more abhorrent than most other crimes are the school shootings that seemed to have started with Columbine and go unabated today. From the self absorbed, snot nosed brats, with Uzis, to the chemically dependant defectives, to the legally discharged insane that troll our streets seeking revenge on innocent civilians guilty of nothing more than not possessing the sand to have these nut jobs put down like rabid dogs they are, Civilized Man is a complete social failure.

Our civilization has evolved into a simpering, whining, all inclusive, all accepting Nanny State trying to coddle everybody, but protecting nobody. We are a disgusting menagerie of followers submitting to the whims of well intentioned, but misguided Kum-ba-ya Liberals.

Here’s a newsflash folks. Civilized Man, not unlike many primates, is a biped possessing opposing thumbs, a conscience and fundamental social skills. However unlike his fur bearing cousins, all humans are born with the ability to accept the concept of a higher being, logic and reason, whether they use it or not. Unfortunately today, Civilized Man must share space with persons lacking any of these qualities.

And until we take responsibility for those that have none, we should drop any pretense of caring about the welfare of those that will be the “acceptable losses” of our permissive pitiful society. Time has long past that Civilized Man should eliminate the hollow shells that threaten the populace. An entire industry--the so called Justice System--would be threatened if we dispensed with the “violent socially challenged“. We are therefore, doomed to play the Muppets in the world’s biggest “Whack-a-Mole game.

No, this experiment has gone far too long on the wrong track. And in a twisted bit of irony, the very ones that support Darwin are ignoring his laws of survival. The godless tribes that mark the evolution of “Man” would never have allowed the survival of the refuse we pamper today.

But hey, I’m just the Dumbplumber. I could be wrong.

Annie’s Helper 2-22-08

Today’s loose thread is “Need Advice in Arizona”, who is 26, has two kids, never married, has recently moved in with “Chet”, that is recently divorced, who she has been with for two years, that never wants to be married again.

She wants two more children, is concerned about the 20 year age difference, thinks this isn’t fair, believes it will ruin her dream wedding, concerned that she should abandon this relationship to pursue a man her own age that will give it everything.

What is “Need Advice in Arizona” to do?


Dear “Need Advice”:

Did you even read what you wrote? Just when I was beginning to think that Arizona was short a Village Idiot, up you pop.

If you didn’t have two kids, I would have told you to the right thing and punch your ticket. Of course you could always ask “Chet’s” ex-wife. I’m sure she has a comment or two.

On the other hand, I think you should locate your children’s father(s) and give them back. Next, get yourself sterilized so that you can’t pass on any more of your genetic code. Pray that the next generation didn’t inherent any of your lunacy. And finally, move to Texas and hang out in Honky Tonks. It’s a big State with plenty of room for losers.

Sorrowfully Yours, The Dumbplumber

Dear John

Dear John,

We feel your pain. Those fickle wordsmiths at the New York Times, the same ones that held you up as the best Republican candidate back in January, just gave you the “body slam” of the campaign. Their “unnamed sources” and “confidential insiders” provided quite a story about your past and way past, just like it really happened. But for some inexplicable reason the editors at the Times just weren’t ready to pull the trigger last December, when your campaign was floundering in third place.

Of course your big comeback in New Hampshire raised the possibility, at the Times, of slaying a far larger dragon much further down the road. Then, low and behold Fred took a walk with Mitt following closely behind, both tired of spinning their wheels under the Media Machine.

Of course Tancredo and Hunter were never in it anyway. So with the Huck-a-billy and Ron Paul as your only competition and a big positive column from the Times as your new best friend, you were well on your way to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. or at least a decent shot. Who could imagine that the Times was just setting you up for the big fall around August. That would be just too implausible.

Word is The New Republic, a bastion of Liberalism but lacking any tactical expertise in manipulating or torpedoing a Presidential contest, planned to do a scathing story on the motivations of the NYT holding a “damning” story about you. But that’s what you get when the Far Left gets wind of anything that smacks of scandal about a Conservative. TNR had an itch worse than Stage 3 crotch crickets, they needed to scratch. So here you are.

I give you a “D” on your news conference about the allegations. You and your lovely wife looked like you were both on Prozac categorically denying both scurrilous and scandalous charges. Better you should have either vehemently denied them or just get on your jet and wave the “V” for victory and go home to Phoenix. Turn out the lights John, your party is over.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


If we know anything about Hillary Clinton’s political ambitions, it is that she will have Universal Healthcare, hell or high water. And to make this happen, Mrs. Clinton will make you pay, even if they have to send jack-booted Brown Shirts to collect. Think asset seizure and foreclosure.

Personally I would rather see Universal Auto Repair Insurance instead. At least it would keep a few million mechanics employed and tens of millions of cars running smoothly, but that’s another story. The difference between the two is that 90% of medical patients will get well without attention, cars don‘t. So perhaps we should take a closer look at Hillary’s program in action.

With insurance cards in hand, clinic and hospital waiting rooms will be packed with patients waiting for treatment for influenza, hangnails, blisters and paper cuts. And if you didn’t have the flu when you went in for that booster shot, you will have it when you leave. Not so for well oiled machines, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Just imagine a major epidemic of any kind, packed hospital rooms, patients in hallways, lines outside clinics, staff and medicine shortages, citizens demanding the same accommodations that Hillary would enjoy at the Congressional Taj Ma Hospital. In Hillary’s vision of viral nirvana, chaos will be King.

And we can’t go without mention of the bureaucracy required to implement and execute the Hillarycare Act. With over 300 million clients, it will take tens if not hundreds of thousands of employees to administer, manage, micro-manage, collect and bank receipts and tens of thousands more to call, harass and strong-arm those delinquents, who don’t have Hillarycare payments taken directly out of their paychecks.

Envision an army of door knockers, arm twisters and knee breakers hunting down and extracting monthly payments from millions of small business operators, who for whatever reason fail to pay for something they may never use. But look on the bright side, millions of practicing alcoholics, serial drug abusers, the self inflicted slackers and the professionally disabled will have the same medical coverage as the rest of us.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Annie's Helper 2-16-08

Today's house wrecker is "Married Daughter" who, due to financial circumstances moved into Mom's home a year ago, with hubby and kids. Mom stays in her nearby condo. Out of some sense of fairness, "Married" and family pay the monthly bills and do maintenance as needed. There is no mention of rent.

The problem is that "Mom" drops by every day, uses her key, and just walks right in, no announcement, no knocking, no nothing. "Married" is annoyed that Mom is invading their privacy, disrupting family conversations and interrupting "Married" when she is working on "important papers". What is "Married" to do?


Dear "Married Daughter",

You really are a piece of work. And unless those “important papers” you refer to happens to be a lease application for another house, you should shut your pie hole.

Thank God “Mom” had a condo to go to. She needed to get away from you home invaders, to maintain her sanity. She stops by her own house every day to make sure it’s still there. She interrupts your conversations, because the last time she didn’t interrupt, you talked her into letting you cretins move in. Mom uses her key, because it is her house, not yours. If you want her to give up her key, buy her house. Or better yet, cash in those valuable papers and go buy your own place.

And if you think you’re annoyed, ask “Mom” how she feels.

Very truly yours, The Dumbplumber

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Annie's Helper 2-13-08

Today's basket case is "Crying Inside", whose husband has experienced a radical emotional change since he took a management position. Seems he comes home and yells at her and her daughter to let off steam. Yes, he always apologizes but the abuse is intolerable.

What is "Crying" to do?


Dear "Crying Inside":

Your husband and your brother-in-law before him were both in over their heads. They lacked not just the temperment, but the training to be managers. Furthermore, your husband is confusing "being civil" to the co-workers with being effective. Therefore he is failing at both.

Take your husband down a notch or two, the sooner the better. Tell him to get proper training in his new position or get a new position. A "cost benefit analysis" is revealing that his new position is costing more than it is benefiting.

Best regards, The Dumbplumber

Right Moving Left

Sometimes stopping just isn't enough. Sometimes you have to back up a little, turn off the key and reflect before proceeding. And if there ever was a time to stop, backup and reflect on where the Republican Party is going, this is the time.

For instance the Grand Old Party has rallied around one of the last two men standing in what has been characterized as the Presidential primary process, but has far more similarities to a County Fair pie eating contest. The Good Ole Boys claim he possesses the conservative values embraced by the Party and that all with an "R" next to their names should fall in line, just like some fraternity pledges.

When I was in high school I was mesmerized by a president that said, "Ask not what your Country can do for you, ask what you can do for your Country". Of course that was Jack Kennedy...a Democrat. The same man who stared down the Soviet Union over missiles going to Cuba.

Another Democrat, Martin Luther King Jr. said, " judge a man by his character, not the color of his skin". He championed the cause of equal rights, not special rights for African- Americans.

Neither of the above demanded endless entitlements or special privileges. Both called for "opportunities" not quotas . They knew you should be chosen for a job based on your qualifications, but you kept it with performance, loyalty and character, not a security clause in a union contract.

So the point here is it is not whether I have left my party, but whether my party has left me. It cannot be argued that on defense, equal rights and entitlements alone, the position of the Democrat Party has moved significantly to the left. But I would add that today's Repub's have moved well to the left of the space the Dem's vacated with their spending sprees on entitlements and pork barrel projects, while they routinely capitulate with the Left on National Security issues.

I would submit that Conservatives don't need to create another party, we just need the Republicans to start acting like the Party they claim to be.

Monday, February 11, 2008

McCain Madness

The current brouhaha over Conservatives not supporting McCain is gaining much traction by the Mainstream Media. Seems they are just twitterpated over the exodus of Conservatives bolting away from McCain. Of course in their glee they are ignoring the backroom shenanigans of the Clinton and Obama camps.

I cannot speak for my Conservative brethren, but I can share my personal differences with Liberals, whether they come with a "D" or "R".

The Iraq War: Anyone armed with a map of the Middle East, the sworn declarations of Radical Islam, the post-Desert Storm surrender agreements of Saddam Hussein, his endless violations of UN sanctions, the known capabilities and propensity of the Iraqi president to use chemical and biological agents, or the proximity of Iraq to a staggering amount of the earth's proven oil reserves would understand our invasion. To NOT have invaded Iraq would have rewarded Saddam for his ongoing genocide, while setting the stage for a radical Islam takeover, which would be little less than a launching pad for Biblical Prophecy

Illegal Immigration: To open your borders is to jeopardize your sovereignty. To reward the invaders with jobs and entitlements will guarantee the loss of it.

Abortion: I have no dog in the abortion controversy other than publicly paid abortions for some irresponsible women using them as birth control and others who simply wish to ignore the consequences of their actions. I have no objection to the few that protect the life of the mother and claim no jurisdiction over those that pay for their own health care.

Rights and entitlements: I take particular umbrage with those that would deny citizens of any rights granted under the Constitution. And I firmly believe that abuses of our entitlement system will most certainly bankrupt our benevolent society. These programs, launched as safety nets, have morphed into retirement programs for those refusing to contribute to society and fraud for those using them as supplemental income.

States Rights: The Federal Government has assumed far more power over the individual States than our Constitution ever granted it. Time for a wake up call and resurrection of States Rights or succumb to a complete Federal takeover.

Election Rules: We should either establish some responsibility and accountability or just call it the flesh eating contest it is. Better we should drop any pretense of civility, legality or legitimacy and turn the campaigns, congressional hearings and candidate debates into the smack down, primetime, cage matches that mark the Indonesian system of government.

Not a small part of America's apathy towards the criminal justice system comes directly from the wholesale violation of a host of laws enacted to make the election process fair and equitable. And if our future Commander in Chief, the top law enforcement officer in the country, is ignoring the Federal Election laws in the name of "politics", they shouldn't be surprised when an offended electorate likewise picks and chooses the laws they want to obey.

The sweet irony to our election process is that, as a single body, the U.S. Congress has few challengers in being the most corrupt, collusive and disingenuous group gathered on the behalf of others.

Time for Liberals, both Republican and Democrat, tell us all what they stand for, what they believe, what they want their government to do and above all, what wishes expressed by our Founding Fathers they do not understand.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Tips for Obama

Some words of wisdom for Senator Obama:

Given that you are no longer just a “novelty” but a real threat to the assumed coronation of Hillary Clinton as the Democrat nominee for 2008, we have some tips, warnings and words of wisdom concerning, not just your candidacy, but your ongoing well being. You should not take this message lightly, as the Clintons leave a trail of dead bodies of those who posed either a threat, promise or appearance of impropriety as to their future goals, ambitions or legacies.

First, you might make a public declaration that you possess NO handgun of any type, nor do you have direct access to one from any close friend or associate. And you might also declare that you have an allergy to and phobias about park benches and ropes.

Second, you will promise to never get into a car or van with strangers or friends with any ties to the Clintons.

Third, declare publicly today that you have NO knowledge of any defamatory, illegal or sexual improprieties involving either of the Clintons that could remotely be used in a Courtroom.

Fourth, always have your plane serviced and safety inspected. Never leave your plane unattended, under any circumstances.

Fifth, promise us you will never climb above the second story of any building with opening windows or balconies.

Sixth, and finally give us an oath that you will never go anywhere with bodyguards that have ever met the Clinton’s. And as an extra precaution, take no less than two bodyguards with you everywhere that have no previous connection with each other.

There, now that may give you a fifty-fifty chance of living to be 50, but past performance is no guarantee of future success. Good luck Barack. You are going to need it. The Dumbplumber

Requiem for Fred

I’m not sure when it died. I’m not even sure it was ever alive. But one thing I do know is that Fred Thompson’s campaign was never destined to survive. He was swimming in the shallow end of the political gene pool.

His late arrival to the party was a toe-dipping foreplay that drove the MSM nuts. They provoked, prodded, preened and pandered to the unannounced candidate in a manner that would make any pursuing paramour blush. Then like late in the evening of the first date, Fred pecked them all on the cheek and said goodnight. His campaign was his to start, his to control, his to plan, his to close. He refused to dance to the Media music and they spanked him for it.

In the beginning he ignored them, then they ignored him. It wasn’t that he was unqualified… he was. It wasn’t that he didn’t have a message or grasp of our challenges… he did. It wasn’t that he didn‘t have presence and stature… nobody else came close. And it wasn’t that he didn’t have a plan. The plan was spelled out in painful detail for the Media to dissect and dismember. But Fred’s “plan” wasn’t what they planned to dismember.

The Media has short attention spans, but long memories. And somewhere in the rooms behind the presses and cameras those memories were converted into a cohesive plot to ignore Fred just enough to see that he went quietly into the night. And if there ever was a requiem for a campaign it was written by the MSM for his. He was too late. He was too laid back. He was too lazy. And he was just a bit too lucky in love. The perfect rhyme for a swan dive into political oblivion.

It has been just over two weeks since Fred waved goodbye and walked away with our hearts. His departure left a hole that the remaining herd couldn’t begin to fill. He was a class act in a classroom of rodeo clowns, who don’t have enough collective wits to buy a noun much less than a clue.

John Gotti said it best, “You’re going to miss me some day”.

Well John, was right. It’s only been a couple of weeks and I miss Fred already.

If I Only Had A Brain

I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it any more. The John McCain apologists, the claim-to-be Conservatives and the “we-have-to-join-together-for-the-sake-of-the-party lackeys can just put a sock into it. And that includes Bill O’Reilly, Dick Morris, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and Laura Ingraham, who seem to be perfectly content supporting any GOP nominee. Given their successes, they can afford to throw anyone under the bus that threatens to derail a Republican ascendancy.

However, none of these talking heads admit that it is every voter’s right to either NOT vote for the party candidate, vote for the opposing candidate or just join the vast majority of apathetic America and ignore politics altogether. Inasmuch as most of us voters and candidate supporters are mere working class folks and not the seven digit income celebrities telling us what to do, we obviously don’t have a dog in this fight as big as theirs.

In fact, if it weren’t for the political junkies and concerned voters, these people wouldn’t have those seven digit salaries and contracts. Therefore we are really part of the problem and not part of the answer. By virtue of about 50 million of the 200 million or so eligible electorate actually engaging in this process, we have created not just the opportunity, but the demand for others to tell us what we are thinking. Balderdash.

Witnessing the pie eating contest that is the Presidential Primary process has taught me one thing. If you are a qualified, concerned, intelligent, honorable and gifted leader with a message, command of current events, grasp of the Nation’s needs and possess responsible, rational solutions, your chances of succeeding in the primary is about as likely as Hillary losing money in a beef future’s investment…. if you don’t engage in the Media circus.

So don’t tell me what I am thinking. I am thinking what every other responsible, reasonable, thoughtful voter is thinking. The ‘08 Primary politics is not unlike the journey to the Emerald City. The last man standing with an ( R) next to his name can be seen with smoldering straw peeking from his clothing, wobbling down the yellow brick road, arm and arm with some very strange companions, singing “If I only had a Brain”.

McCainiac Memo

Memo to the Conservative unifiers:

Time for all you McCain supporters, whether past, present or future to get a simple message. We true conservatives will not vote for McCain, no matter what. Unlike you “win at any cost” RINOs, we have short tempers and long memories. Time for America to get a reality check and Hillary is the one to give it to them.

Perhaps you should begin rebuilding Conservative trust for the 2012 election, it’s too late for this one. With the election of either Obama, Hillary or McCain (I can’t help but notice you have already written off Romney) this country is about to experience the most profound change in recent history. They all promised change and by God there will be change, just not the change they imagined. Think a 6000 Dow.

George and the current Congress are in the midst of a spending spree unparalleled in the history of this country, and there is no end in sight. Of course when the crushing debt is beyond our ability to pay, there will be a hue and cry for taxpayers to suffer painful tax increases to help out Uncle Sam. Well folks, if you can’t deal with the pain now, many won’t help you with it later. Your unfettered gluttony at our public trough has left a taste in our mouths even Listerine can’t get out.

Here is a short tutorial for you RINOs. Learn what the terms core values, principles, character, honor and patriotism are. After your mommies explain it to you, get back to me and maybe we can have a civil conversation, where you can start by apologizing to me for being such insufferable asses. And in the meantime, you can save your “rally around the nominee for the sake of the party” spiel. The current “party” is the problem, not the answer.