Dumbplumber VS Greenberg

Local columnist, Doni Greenberg, continued to loosen her grip on reality with a column dedicated to the idiocy of War. The Dumbplumber again had to reel in the life ropes for fear of her tripping over one and injuring herself.

Dear Editor,
Not since Doni’s documented encounter with the local Rotary Club has she presented such a ‘target rich environment’ for criticism. Her, “…war gets us nowhere” column has to be a blueprint of just how out of touch, Ms. Greenberg is in her war with reality.

Doni claims that War is among other things, “stupid…reckless…impulsive…and lacks imagination”. And in a theological moment, proclaims that God is against it. As if God has intervened in any other apocalyptical event so far, in recorded history. She tries to equate Wars as what Henry Ford’s Quadricycle is to vehicles.

Ok, I would add to that, War is inevitable, necessary, declarative and final. Wars do not just begin, they develop from differing opinions, turf struggles, land grabs, tribal dominance, wealth acquisition, and God complexes. Wars happen when disputes have not bent to negotiation, capitulation, or the …‘conjuring of intelligent solutions’. War is the ultimate solution to an otherwise unsolvable problem or militant aggression.

But like it or not, War has gotten us to where we are today. Just consider where we would be if we had NOT engaged in War, just since 1776. We would still be speaking the King’s English, French, Japanese, German or Spanish, we would probably still be contained within the original 13 colonies, would still have slavery, Suffrage and taxation without representation.

I would add that 21st Century Wars, while still a huge waste of money and resources, have considerably lower body counts. So low, in fact, that preventable domestic deaths from tobacco, AIDS and obesity dwarfs any body counts from Iraq or Afghanistan, or the 20th Century Vietnam War. So, Ms. Greenberg’s time would be better spent focused on these deaths that don’t require the attention of God or a War to solve.

Yes, Ms. Greenberg, War is Hell. But if War were a Quadricycle, your solution would look more like a ‘79 Yugo, with an air cooled rear engine, four Firestone 500 tires and a Pinto gas tank.