Virtual Violence

In an afternoon retreat to the back deck, with laptop in hand, I am still salving my wounds over an earlier e-attack by a pack of slobbering, salivating, drooling Liberals. Part of my recuperation is the beautiful panoramic view of early October in the Fall River Valley, with about a mile of meandering Pit River, bordered by the autumn crush of oak trees.

The wounds, while not serious and certainly not physical, could most accurately be described as self inflicted. For if I had not picked the scabs of the more outspoken of Liberal sycophants, to a local newspaper blog, I would not be having this conversation now.

This latest of a series of recurring events has awakened me to the reality of cyber-conflict, e-fighting, or virtual violence. Never one to shy away from a confrontation, I have discovered the advantages of virtual violence as opposed to physical confrontation or armed assault, fewer bruises, mostly to the ego, no stitches or broken bones

The internet has opened doors to personal conflict never experienced by telephone, telegraph or snail Mail. The blogosphere has allowed us to an unfettered assault upon those with which we disagree. The tools are at our fingertips to reasonably disarm, disable or embarrass an opponent in minutes.


In the past, a telephone confrontation would force us to respond, sometimes incorrectly, without adequate information or preparation. A letter stirring conflict required a retreat to an encyclopedia or library before we shipped off a documented response, which would take days or weeks.

Now, we just open another window, peck in a few commands to Google, and voila an e-answer, the ammunition of the cyber assassin. The down side is that the opposing party is doing the same thing and the assaults and insults go on and on.

Part of the healing process is our cyber buddies, friends that we most likely have never met, but who have become kindred spirits to our causes and usually the cause is politics.


Unlike office parties, family reunions and happy hour, the internet IS for arguments about religion and politics. No holds barred arguments complete with dates, times and details take minutes, not days, weeks or months.

Arguments online are not for the faint of heart or those with thin skin. Personal assaults are the rule, not the exception, especially when it comes to partisan politics. The divide between Liberals and Conservatives will not be bridged anytime soon. So, you can forget about Libertarians, Greens and Peace and Freedom’ites ever pulling for each another. And woe be the naïve blogger stumbling upon a site trolled by a different party affiliation. “Piling on” is an understatement when an interloper criticizes the party line. And in the case of Liberals, they must troll in packs because they share one brain.

The ultimate irony of the Internet, is that even though it is considered the information “superhighway”, it fails to change minds. In fact, if anything, it has galvanized and solidified political positions, to the detriment of reason, logic and historical reference. I may be going out on a limb here, but I believe that the term “revisionist history” was an early prodigy of the Internet.

It is no longer simply right or wrong or black and white, it is now Right or Left, Conservative or Liberal. Opposing camps have dug in and are entrenched for the duration. And absent a catastrophic event supporting one camp or the other, I see no indications that things are going to change anytime soon.

November Initiatives

A cursory glance at the initiatives on the California November ballot reveals that voters are being given all the rope they need for a $42 billion hanging. Initiatives happen when the people we elected fail to repair our roads, protect our water, rebuild our levees, secure our energy future, refurbish our schools, provide shelters to battered women or even find consensus on additional taxes to support health care to smokers, who didn’t heed a printed warning that TOBACCO CAN KILL YOU.

Granted, our elected officials are hamstrung with the bulge of budget entitlements, escalating union salaries, non-negotiable mandatory expenditures and extorted health and pension benefits, not to mention the oppressive Federal mandates that never get repaid. The latter being expenses to provide services to those that are illegal aliens, professional deadbeats or gamers of the system.

The irony of the ballot Initiative is that once you approve the bonds to pay for all these services, the Legislature will do damn well what it wants with the money, do to loopholes big enough to drive a truck through. For instance, fuel taxes were always intended to be used to improve, expand and repair our highways. Proposition 1A tells you how well that worked out.
I would submit that if you took away all the “smoke and mirrors“, rhetoric, political blustering, the “slight of hand” tricks and the ACLU and ADA lawsuits, a group of high school sophomores could craft a more responsible budget for California. A high school diploma, while desirable, would simply be superfluous to the current process.

Here’s an idea. Vote yes on 1A, then 1B would be moot. Deny developers permits to build where mother nature and gravity has the upper hand. Get communities involved with upgrading their own schools instead of squandering education dollars on architects, consultants and “prevailing wage“ construction costs.

Let the charitable community take care of abused women, let Smith and Wesson take care of the abusers. Get government, large or small, out of the redevelopment business they’re not very good at it and it’s just an end run around Prop 13, which we also voted for.

And last but not least, let adolescent boys have voluntary vasectomies so that young girls won’t need to have tax paid abortions or the alternative welfare support. See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?

Redding California Diary

Redding, California Diary:May 30: Just moved to Redding. Now this is a city that knows how to live!!!Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It isbeautiful.I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live inan air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How dopeople get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windythough. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% ofmy body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson thought. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I leftthis morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind sucks. I feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and theAC repairman charged $200.00 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now.$300,00 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixedtoday. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate thisstupid city.

Aug 8th: If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'mgoing to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, theradiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th: The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over! Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug 14th Welcome to HELL!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew out the damn windshield in the car. The installer came to fix and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Redding!!!
What kind of sick demented idiot would want to live here????

Willwrite later to let you know how the trial goes.

This was sent to the Dumbplumber by his mother. You have to know the Redding area to appreciate the humor.

Mulsim Welcome

My dear friends and enemies,

There is some concern about the coming days, as it is clear that radical Islam is on the warpath. Militant Islam has, as it’s stated goal, declared war on all infidels, particularly Israel and America.

To Islams’ credit, they have immigrated to many countries on the globe and have set up shop. Not unlike other foreigners, Muslims cluster together in communities of other Muslims. But unlike other immigrants, Muslims maintain an iron fist on their wives and children, not letting them adjust to the ways, customs and cultures of their host countries.

Taking over many countries will not be a problem for the militant Muslims, as their governments are run by a bunch of panty wearing liberals. If at first the sheer number of Muslims protesting local customs is not enough to get the changes they want in laws and ordinances, they can always kill a few innocents to get the rest in line.

On the other hand, when the Muslim terrorists attempt these tactics here, some of our more famous American family members will be here to greet them. The Winchesters, the Remingtons, the Savages, the Marlins and the Smiths and Wessons are looking forward to their arrival.

Do Gooder Karma

It is amusing to witness the bleeding heart liberals as they intervene and halt the executions of heinous, vicious murderers. They claim that killing is wrong. Mass murderers, they believe, should spend the rest of their lives incarcerated, at taxpayers expense, even though the murderers showed no such considerations for their victims. Ironically, these same do-gooders support the aborting of a living fetus, the weakest among us, for no better a reason than it might crimp the cash flow in the 2nd or 3rd trimester, or was inconvenient as was the last 5 abortions, masked as birth control. Of course the vast majority of these are at taxpayer expense.

Granted, the appeals process is likewise financed by the taxpayers and can run from 15 to 25 years, depending on jurisdiction and level of bleeding heart concern. But now we must have doctors administer the lethal injections, which violates the Hippocratic oath, exposing them to license suspension.

It is amusing, because at the rate we are warehousing murderers, rapists, pedophiles, and other violent offenders, we are committing a higher and higher percentage of our discretionary spending to incarceration, protection and appealing sentences of the worst of the worst of our violent offenders. Therefore, at some point, we must begin sacrificing other entitlements and budgets to insure appropriate funding for these incorrigibles.

I can’t wait until the day our government notifies pensioned workers that their retirement checks will be cut to provide funding for inmate appeals. I silently muse at the thought of SSI beneficiaries having to cut back on cigarettes, beer and Twinkies, so that serial rapists can have adequate housing, once released. I chortle at the notion that all government employees will have to forgo wage increases or endure higher health insurance co-payment, so that inmates can complete sex changes, cosmetic surgery and receive Viagra.

No, I predict that once the pain of funding these ridiculous mandates hit’s the doorsteps of the whining Liberals, there will be a brawl to see who is the first to pull the lever, drop the pellet or inject the no-good, rotten son-of-a-bitch, who raped and killed that poor little girl. Better we should hang high the worst offenders than threaten our $10 office co-pays, our bloated benefit packages or our obscene retirement plans. Better yet, we should take these funds from millionaire farmers, paid to not grow crops. You would see thousands of acres donated for ‘dirtball graveyards’ before one farmer would give up a dollar of his financial gravy train.

Get ready America. This day is coming and the more we spend on health care, legal appeals and state-of-the-art facilities, for the lowest among us, it will be sooner rather than later.

Twilight Revelation Intelligent Design

It was in the wee hours of the morning that it came to me. Scientists, pseudo intellectuals, Left wing commie scholars and half witted, highly educated atheists, along with a whole cadre of highly mis-informed, but clueless agnostics, all have it wrong. They all dismiss ‘intelligent design’ or a higher power having created the life and the living we have today.

Now don’t confuse the Dumbplumber with the Born Again Right, the bible thumping do-gooders or the theologically adept. The Dumbplumber is just a simple observer. And on this subject he has observed that those who are supposed to know, don’t know diddly.

Oh, I have listened to the highbrows debate the theory of intelligent design against the science of evolution. In those debates, they both are wrong. Evolutionists believe and declare that there is NO science that supports intelligent design, while the evolutionists cannot reproduce one spec of evidence how life began.

Now I don’t want the evolutionists to lay out the path from pond slim to the inner workings of Steven Hawking. But I certainly believe that some sign of their beliefs, should be reproducible. The ‘degree packing’ disbelievers are most likely struggling more with professional envy of ‘intelligent design’, rather than any real effort to reproduce it.

Now I don’t expect today’s scientists to develop a complete human from clay and ashes, nor do I expect them to reproduce, say, the human eyeball. But, is it too much to ask those that pooh, pooh ‘intelligent design’ to, say, conjure up a single cell amoeba or at least a small bowl of algae. It isn’t like they have to do it by guessing, for Christ’s sake, (no pun intended), they already have the finished product. They have the advantage over the original creator, in that they can reverse engineer it. (For those of you from the Blue states, that means take apart the finished product and see how it was made)

Let’s face it, today’s engineers, biologists and scientists have the distinct advantage of the latest technologies, like lasers, fusion, fission and all those glass thingies with the colored liquids bubbling in the labs. On the other hand life’s engineers only had water, dirt, lightning, nitrogen, oxygen, some methane gas, maybe some space aliens, and a few billion years to conjure up pond slime (which has routinely been mistaken for the legal community).

Now I don’t want and go off on a rant here, but if you can’t at least make some sort of life with all the advantages you have today, you certainly haven’t earned the right to deny the existence of someone or something that has. Or, as they say in Texas, put up or shut up.

So, in the interest of fairness, the Dumbplumber will not speculate one way or the other on intelligent design or evolution. First, because that decision is well above his pay grade and second because it is a waste of his valuable time having a shoot out with an unarmed opponent. Because, if you can’t do something, don’t deny the existence of someone who already has.

For Sale By Owner

An advertisement for people in the Cities who think they have it all.

For Sale by Owner

2bdrm/2bath with 1200sq ft shop. $5 million, take it or leave it. Listed exclusively in the SF Bay Area, because you are the only ones dumb enough to pay it.

House is perched above the Pit River in Fall River Mills, Ca. looking over an unobstructed view of the Knoch Ranch on the eastern side of The Fall River Valley. A view costing ten times what I paid for it, but fifty times better than yours.

Mature trees dot the property and small fruit trees are just beginning to produce. The Pit river is a major flyway for geese, ducks, hawks and eagles, with the occasional pelican or cormorant, possessing a brain the size of a walnut, are smarter than you cesspool dwellers from the City.

Fall River may not have 4 star restaurants, or concierges at the hotels, but we have don’t have panhandlers, towel head taxi drivers or homeless shelters either. Our civic leaders mostly stay huddled in Redding, about 70 miles away and generally show up only for parades and votes. And while they think they govern us, our local population is what makes us work, unlike you idiots who have your mayor and his cronies micro-manage your every move, while you import your dishwashers, maids, and other assorted mandatory maintenance personnel from Modesto.

View includes a meandering oxbow in the river, which rivals anything you have to brag about down there. And when you have a water shortage, I routinely piss in the river with my neighbors, so your hired help from Sacramento will have something to wash their toothbrushes in. Our cattle, rice and berry farms produce food, so you ditwads won’t starve, while our groceries come to our local market from Freemont. Go figure.

We don’t care who you are or who your daddy is. But if you chose to come here, leave your ego, attitude and city ways behind, because they won’t buy jack here. No, it won’t appraise anywhere near the asking price. But it is worth far more than where your sorry ass lives now.

Contact the Dumbplumber, 1-800-GOT-OURS