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Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter Reflections

Perhaps, on this Passover, it would be appropriate to stop and take some stock in the Dumbplumber’s place in the world and whether he deserves it… or not. While the Dumbplumber is not a member of any recognized church--he believes that there are quite enough bible thumpers, snake dancers and isle rollers already--he never the less spends moments every day talking with his Lord and Savior. Well to be honest, he talks and the Lord spends some time listening. I wouldn’t describe it as a dialogue.

You see, he freely admits it. The Dumbplumber’s misspent youth, till say about 32--funny how that’s about the age that Jesus was crucified--was spent violating most of the ten commandments and all of the seven deadly sins.

But all of that was turned around by a few of America’s finest adult babysitters, better known as the FBI. Yes my fellow wire heads there is nothing that says “STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING DUMMY” than a guy you thought was your best friend putting handcuffs on you. And that’s when it hit him, “THIS ISN’T WORKING TURDHEAD, STRAIGHTEN UP OR THEY’LL SHIP YOU OUT IN A BOX“. But I digress.

After a brief stay at a very nice and very secure facility on the Central Coast, I am proud to announce that the Dumbplumber is now the master of his own ship--a phrase he memorized from a Federal Judge.

However, he is still working on those living guidelines. That Lust, coveting the neighbors wife and adultery thing is pretty easy. You haven’t seen the neighbors wife. The stealing, murdering and lying thing is a piece of cake except for a little fib or two once in awhile to save some feelings. He is still working on Gluttony and Greed since every time he gets a few extra bucks there is a thick Ribeye on the grill. And he is left with honoring his Mom only, since Dad checked into Heaven about ten years ago, to set some folks up there straight. And last but not least, he proudly flies the stars and stripes, not as a false idol, but rather an honor to all those he knows is much better than he.

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