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Monday, June 30, 2008

The Lost Regime

The problems as I see them:

$5 dollar gas is not now the exception, but the rule. Absent immediate intervention, it will be $10, then $15, and the end of life as we know it.

The U.S. dollar is in freefall with no end in sight.

Due to the domino effect, businesses are now failing at an unprecedented rate. Thanks to Washington D.C. the mortgage industry is in chaos, with homes going into foreclosure, not just because of predatory lending practices, but the associated economic meltdown as well.

Washington tells us that the unemployment rate is still 5.5%, but they don’t tell us how many have moved on to Social Security, SSI and Welfare, that weren’t there eight years ago.

We have liberated a nation that thanks us by selling their oil on the open market, to the highest bidder. They make little or no effort to compensate us for their security, their reconstruction, or our multi-trillion dollar investment in their country.

And every effort to solve any of the above is met with Civil Litigation, Congressional Regulation and Supreme Court Intervention.

These problems are said to be complicated, made more so by those that profit from both the problems and the inevitable publicly funded solutions. Secondly, the environmental hysteria, created by less than 1% of our population and perpetuated by lawyers, that has brought us to this junction, needs to be put in a box. And while we must move forward with policies and plans to transition our economy away from fossil fuels, without bankrupting our economy first, we should do it as much for conservation and economics as for environmental health.

Well folks, if there is any problem here, it is that there is a critical lack of leadership capable of guiding us out of the abyss. In the absence of anyone with the “salt” to spell out a clear path to our destiny, allow me to submit some dialog.

“Tell the environmentalists to shut up and sit down. The next President should hand down an Executive Order to Oil Companies to develop all existing oil leases or lose them in 18 months. Send drilling platforms to the East, West and Gulf coasts, as if your life, and future, depends upon them. And to that end, convert available space on the coasts to construction of these platforms.

Send crews to ANWAR immediately, while inviting any protestors to just try and block roads and bridges while swatting away 2lb. mosquitos. Forget DEET, bring tennis rackets for the summer and down jackets for the winter.

Launch immediate talks with Mexico and Canada to develop dozens of refineries along our borders. “Fast Track” permitting of these projects by using blueprints of existing facilities. Put people to work NOW building them. The crude will be coming in a few months, be ready.

Advise all those on public assistance that if they can pick their noses or their butts or open a beer, we have a job for them. New Rule, work or starve.

And just for chuckles, instead of the IRS harassing legitimate businesses over nickels and dimes, we are going to start a program where if you have a Manhattan, Telluride, Beverly Hills, Palm Beach or Boca Raton mailing address, but pay your expenses with offshore electronic transfers or a Visa Card from a Cayman Island bank, we are going to climb up your ass and audit your tonsils.

Put Iraq on notice that they owe us a few boatloads of money, they can start by NOT sending any more of their oil to any place that doesn’t have boots on the ground in the Middle East.

Memo to Iran: We are going to be very busy for the next few years, trying to rebuild the damage made by them and those they support. But we are never too busy to vaporize them if they so much as blink. P.S. We are sending your President all the Double Knit disco suits we can find in our Good Will and Salvation Army Stores.

Notice to oil speculators: The gravy train is over. We will now be bidding futures on a commodity only from the U.S. We will be selling gas to Iran, before we buy any more oil from Saudi Arabia.

Notice to Congress: The next time you drag oil executives up to Capitol Hill to complain about their salaries and don’t invite the likes of Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, Warren Buffet or “Brangelina” for the same purpose, we will have the CIA and FBI investigate and document every scandal, misstatement, minor offense and under the covers/in the closet indiscretion you have ever committed, then post it in primetime on every network on the T.V. remote.

Time for some accountability, so we should start at the top instead of the bottom. Unfortunately for America, the foxes--special interest lobbyists and willing prey--are in charge of the hen house, so any responsible legislation to improve our economic, energy or constitutional health will be slow or non existent.”

Good Luck suckers. There is not a soul on the horizon that can or will make any of this happen. Time to grab your ankles.

But hey, I could be wrong. The Dumbplumber

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