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Sunday, July 27, 2008

If the Dumbplumber Were King

I know, I know there is no way the Dumbplumber will be King or I didn’t believe it until I realized who we have running for President now. Or to put it another way, if Obama or McCain can be president the Dumbplumber could be Emperor of the World. And no, I’m not kidding. Have any of you taken a good look at these two clowns? The Rock Star vs. the Rocking Chair Jockey.

Now if Obama can act like he is already president, the Dumbplumber can act like he is King. And as King, the Dumbplumber has a few campaign promises of his own. Now it may look like a sociological mosaic, but that is just the way the Dumbplumber’s brain works.

1. All violent or habitual criminals arrested will be issued a rope and given a cell with a plaque that reads, “Do the right thing”. (I didn’t think of this myself-- a friend did--but I really like it.)

2. When a murder, rapist or pedophile confesses to their crime, there will be NO taxpayer paid trial, where they drag all parties through their sordid past on the way to death row, where they lanquish for decades of more taxpayer funded appeals. Upon conviction, they will be sent directly to the appropriate facility and issued the aforementioned rope and cell.

3. We have way too many police officers. So, under my authority, we will lay off about half our cops and take their salaries to provide firearms to all law abiding citizens for their protection and the protection of their fellow citizens. Let’s face it, guns don’t require a pay and benefit package and last a lot longer than most cops. Besides, most felonies involve innocent bystanders, so let’s let them get-er-done. Fight me on this and we will provide them ammo too.

4. We should release all non-violent drug offenders immediately, to provide room for some really bad guys that couldn’t figure out how to tie a knot. If these druggies offend again, we will deport them to the country of the drug’s origin so they can be closer to their chosen addiction. In the case of home grown drugs, re-offenders will be sent to Joe Arpio’s “re-education camps” where they will spend years eating bologna sandwiches while wearing pink underwear. “To be continued”

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