It was in the wee hours of the morning that it came to me. Scientists, pseudo intellectuals, Left wing commie scholars and half witted, highly educated atheists, along with a whole cadre of highly mis-informed, but clueless agnostics, all have it wrong. They all dismiss ‘intelligent design’ or a higher power having created the life and the living we have today.
Now don’t confuse the Dumbplumber with the Born Again Right, the bible thumping do-gooders or the theologically adept. The Dumbplumber is just a simple observer. And on this subject he has observed that those who are supposed to know, don’t know diddly.
Oh, I have listened to the highbrows debate the theory of intelligent design against the science of evolution. In those debates, they both are wrong. Evolutionists believe and declare that there is NO science that supports intelligent design, while the evolutionists cannot reproduce one spec of evidence how life began.
Now I don’t want the evolutionists to lay out the path from pond slim to the inner workings of Steven Hawking. But I certainly believe that some sign of their beliefs, should be reproducible. The ‘degree packing’ disbelievers are most likely struggling more with professional envy of ‘intelligent design’, rather than any real effort to reproduce it.
Now I don’t expect today’s scientists to develop a complete human from clay and ashes, nor do I expect them to reproduce, say, the human eyeball. But, is it too much to ask those that pooh, pooh ‘intelligent design’ to, say, conjure up a single cell amoeba or at least a small bowl of algae. It isn’t like they have to do it by guessing, for Christ’s sake, (no pun intended), they already have the finished product. They have the advantage over the original creator, in that they can reverse engineer it. (For those of you from the Blue states, that means take apart the finished product and see how it was made)
Let’s face it, today’s engineers, biologists and scientists have the distinct advantage of the latest technologies, like lasers, fusion, fission and all those glass thingies with the colored liquids bubbling in the labs. On the other hand life’s engineers only had water, dirt, lightning, nitrogen, oxygen, some methane gas, maybe some space aliens, and a few billion years to conjure up pond slime (which has routinely been mistaken for the legal community).
Now I don’t want and go off on a rant here, but if you can’t at least make some sort of life with all the advantages you have today, you certainly haven’t earned the right to deny the existence of someone or something that has. Or, as they say in Texas, put up or shut up.
So, in the interest of fairness, the Dumbplumber will not speculate one way or the other on intelligent design or evolution. First, because that decision is well above his pay grade and second because it is a waste of his valuable time having a shoot out with an unarmed opponent. Because, if you can’t do something, don’t deny the existence of someone who already has.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
For Sale By Owner
An advertisement for people in the Cities who think they have it all.
For Sale by Owner
2bdrm/2bath with 1200sq ft shop. $5 million, take it or leave it. Listed exclusively in the SF Bay Area, because you are the only ones dumb enough to pay it.
House is perched above the Pit River in Fall River Mills, Ca. looking over an unobstructed view of the Knoch Ranch on the eastern side of The Fall River Valley. A view costing ten times what I paid for it, but fifty times better than yours.
Mature trees dot the property and small fruit trees are just beginning to produce. The Pit river is a major flyway for geese, ducks, hawks and eagles, with the occasional pelican or cormorant, possessing a brain the size of a walnut, are smarter than you cesspool dwellers from the City.
Fall River may not have 4 star restaurants, or concierges at the hotels, but we have don’t have panhandlers, towel head taxi drivers or homeless shelters either. Our civic leaders mostly stay huddled in Redding, about 70 miles away and generally show up only for parades and votes. And while they think they govern us, our local population is what makes us work, unlike you idiots who have your mayor and his cronies micro-manage your every move, while you import your dishwashers, maids, and other assorted mandatory maintenance personnel from Modesto.
View includes a meandering oxbow in the river, which rivals anything you have to brag about down there. And when you have a water shortage, I routinely piss in the river with my neighbors, so your hired help from Sacramento will have something to wash their toothbrushes in. Our cattle, rice and berry farms produce food, so you ditwads won’t starve, while our groceries come to our local market from Freemont. Go figure.
We don’t care who you are or who your daddy is. But if you chose to come here, leave your ego, attitude and city ways behind, because they won’t buy jack here. No, it won’t appraise anywhere near the asking price. But it is worth far more than where your sorry ass lives now.
Contact the Dumbplumber, 1-800-GOT-OURS
For Sale by Owner
2bdrm/2bath with 1200sq ft shop. $5 million, take it or leave it. Listed exclusively in the SF Bay Area, because you are the only ones dumb enough to pay it.
House is perched above the Pit River in Fall River Mills, Ca. looking over an unobstructed view of the Knoch Ranch on the eastern side of The Fall River Valley. A view costing ten times what I paid for it, but fifty times better than yours.
Mature trees dot the property and small fruit trees are just beginning to produce. The Pit river is a major flyway for geese, ducks, hawks and eagles, with the occasional pelican or cormorant, possessing a brain the size of a walnut, are smarter than you cesspool dwellers from the City.
Fall River may not have 4 star restaurants, or concierges at the hotels, but we have don’t have panhandlers, towel head taxi drivers or homeless shelters either. Our civic leaders mostly stay huddled in Redding, about 70 miles away and generally show up only for parades and votes. And while they think they govern us, our local population is what makes us work, unlike you idiots who have your mayor and his cronies micro-manage your every move, while you import your dishwashers, maids, and other assorted mandatory maintenance personnel from Modesto.
View includes a meandering oxbow in the river, which rivals anything you have to brag about down there. And when you have a water shortage, I routinely piss in the river with my neighbors, so your hired help from Sacramento will have something to wash their toothbrushes in. Our cattle, rice and berry farms produce food, so you ditwads won’t starve, while our groceries come to our local market from Freemont. Go figure.
We don’t care who you are or who your daddy is. But if you chose to come here, leave your ego, attitude and city ways behind, because they won’t buy jack here. No, it won’t appraise anywhere near the asking price. But it is worth far more than where your sorry ass lives now.
Contact the Dumbplumber, 1-800-GOT-OURS
Friday, April 07, 2006
Energy Economics
It is in the twilight hours of the night that the Dumbplumber lets his dreams sort out issues that boggle the conscious mind. It was during one of these moments that he came upon the principles of Energy Economics.
Energy Economics defy typical theories on how market forces control the costs of any given commodity. The dirty little secret is to maintain the high demand while controlling a limited supply. ‘Big Oil’ benefits from limited refining capacity, as they can double profits and retain capped reserves, while blaming market forces and eco-Nazis for limited supply.
For instance, if a hurricane is threatening the east coast of Kansas and the price of plywood suddenly goes to $100 a sheet, profiteers are prosecuted for plundering the catastrophe. Or if a volcano were to erupt in South Carolina, causing a mass exodus to Wisconsin, gas station owners, who suddenly raise fuel to $50 dollars a gallon would most certainly be jailed as well, but not in Energy Economics
The Petroleum Industry, sitting on the last 100 years of energy reserves, has concocted an entirely different scenario. A scheme only Maxwell Smart or Elmore Leonard could appreciate. They place their ‘controlled’ commodity on the world market to the highest bidder, then capitalize on natural and unnatural disasters to inflate cost of supply. You know, something like six shills sitting at a poker table, plucking the seventh clean of his hard earned stake.
Then while entire economies are brought to their knees on the fears of energy brokers bidding up ‘the barrel’ like Amarillo Slim slyly bids up a pair of twos against a full house, Big Energy decries the system on the front page, while reporting record profits on the financial page. This is not unlike hotels holding up customers to a minimum of a three day stay during a special event, when you only need the room for two nights, then blaming the cost of the supply on demand.
Applying these new found principles in a wee hours dream, the Dumbplumber envisioned himself a newly homeless nomad, having lost everything to Big Energy. He is trekking across the deserts of Nevada and comes across an overturned armored car spilling cash and bodies around the site. Buzzards are stalking the lone survivor of the horrible crash, who just happens to be the well known heir to an oil empire, and owner of a major resort hotel/casino where he further plunders the masses.
The heir is mortally injured, in excruciating pain and haunted by the looming vultures fighting over his pre-death morsels. Spying the approaching Dumbplumber, he begs to be put out of his misery with a single bullet. “I will pay you to put an end to this. How much for a bullet?”, he says.
“Well my much suffering friend you are in luck, the bullets are $10,000 each“, I say. The good news is I have thirteen clips left“, I add. “What’s the bad news?“, moans the dying tycoon. “The bad news is, I only sell clips by the dozen.”
Immigration Fed Up
The Dumbplumber has just about had it with the 24hr carpet bombing on the immigration debate. For purposes of this conversation, I am referring to Hispanic or Latino immigrants, so as not to confuse anyone with the persistent problem of the French or Swiss sneaking into the U.S..
First we must segregate the ‘legal’ immigrants and documented workers here that are playing by the rules. For the most part, the ‘guest’ workers are the foundation of the agriculture industry and most tend to send money back home while working here, then return to Mexico in the off season. If this practice is in any way disturbed, the produce section of your local market will require a ‘rope line’, a security guard and a gold card to enter.
No, what we are talking about are ‘illegal immigrants’ coming across the border ‘illegally’, looking for a better life, at the expense of American taxpayers, who foot the bill for education, health care and incarceration--when the system actually works. So, the 15 billion per year collected in payroll taxes has little impact on the 30 to 40 billion drain on States, supporting their presence. On the other hand, many aliens convicted of felonies and are incarcerated in the Federal System, find the living conditions and 30 cents per hour paid inmates for working, better than they had at home in Guatemala, El Salvador or Honduras, where they were often target practice, for the current regime de jour.
It is a given that many employers in America--mostly in agriculture industry-- would fold were it not for migrant workers, as crops already threatened by imported produce and high U.S. energy costs would soon price themselves out of the market. Unfortunately, the environmental protections imposed on America’s farmers are abandon on imported goods, in the name of free trade.
And in a masterful stroke of international diplomacy, Mexico does what no other country on the planet does, they manipulate the guest worker program ‘into’ the U.S.. Now I don’t want to cast aspersions on a country as ethically challenged as Mexico, but letting the Mexican bureaucracy expedite your guest worker papers is a little like building a bridge in New Jersey without first making a visit to Tony Soprano.
First we must segregate the ‘legal’ immigrants and documented workers here that are playing by the rules. For the most part, the ‘guest’ workers are the foundation of the agriculture industry and most tend to send money back home while working here, then return to Mexico in the off season. If this practice is in any way disturbed, the produce section of your local market will require a ‘rope line’, a security guard and a gold card to enter.
No, what we are talking about are ‘illegal immigrants’ coming across the border ‘illegally’, looking for a better life, at the expense of American taxpayers, who foot the bill for education, health care and incarceration--when the system actually works. So, the 15 billion per year collected in payroll taxes has little impact on the 30 to 40 billion drain on States, supporting their presence. On the other hand, many aliens convicted of felonies and are incarcerated in the Federal System, find the living conditions and 30 cents per hour paid inmates for working, better than they had at home in Guatemala, El Salvador or Honduras, where they were often target practice, for the current regime de jour.
It is a given that many employers in America--mostly in agriculture industry-- would fold were it not for migrant workers, as crops already threatened by imported produce and high U.S. energy costs would soon price themselves out of the market. Unfortunately, the environmental protections imposed on America’s farmers are abandon on imported goods, in the name of free trade.
And in a masterful stroke of international diplomacy, Mexico does what no other country on the planet does, they manipulate the guest worker program ‘into’ the U.S.. Now I don’t want to cast aspersions on a country as ethically challenged as Mexico, but letting the Mexican bureaucracy expedite your guest worker papers is a little like building a bridge in New Jersey without first making a visit to Tony Soprano.
Sista ReSista
Congresswoman Sista Resista, Cynthia Mc Kinney is on a rampage because she assaulted a Capitol Security guard doing his job. Failing to produce her security clearance, official badging or Congressional Hall Pass, Sista Resista, fell back on her prejudicial roots and is professing her innocence based upon racial profiling, political insensitivies and a developing rage over a really bad hair-do.
Cindy having whacked the guard, when he insisted on some sort of I.D., before letting her enter the Capitol Building, speed dialed America Bashing, Harry Belafonte and Danny Glover to provide cameos during her motor mouth moment. Never mind that she is suffering from self indulgent importance, Ms. Mc Kinney is wallowing in righteous indignation for ignoring the rules of entering the House of Representatives.
If anyone needs a defense, it is the morons that voted her into office and the no talent, crank addicted hack that did her hair. She has about as much a right to circumvent the metal detector, as Ted Kennedy does a breathalyzer.
Cindy having whacked the guard, when he insisted on some sort of I.D., before letting her enter the Capitol Building, speed dialed America Bashing, Harry Belafonte and Danny Glover to provide cameos during her motor mouth moment. Never mind that she is suffering from self indulgent importance, Ms. Mc Kinney is wallowing in righteous indignation for ignoring the rules of entering the House of Representatives.
If anyone needs a defense, it is the morons that voted her into office and the no talent, crank addicted hack that did her hair. She has about as much a right to circumvent the metal detector, as Ted Kennedy does a breathalyzer.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
The Bob and Allah Show
Well, Ole Bob Williams is at it again. But this time I agree with about 30% of what he says. First, you can't begin to compare today's soldier with those in WWII. In the 40's all you had to do was about 300 pushups, obey orders, shoot straight and you were headed for action. Today, you need to do all those plus carry twice the backpack, train for all the technology and wear about 90lbs in body armor.
Now I know that Ole Bob doesn't think we should be in Iraq. If he had his way, Saddam would still be in control, bribing the U.N., violating sanctions and treating UN resolutions as if they were a promise to stop smoking right after New Years Eve, slaughtering his countrymen, plotting the invasion of his neighbors and moving his weapons programs around like a street huckster playing "Three Card Monte".
On the other hand, Saddam knew what we are now just learning. A brutal dictatorship is the only way to keep these countrymen from killing each other. Seems that Sunnis and Shiites alike wake up each morning dreaming of ways to eliminate the Jews. But first, like the Hatfields and McCoys, they must kill each other for this privilege. We must never forget (and some must finally realize) that many of these mutton breath, desert dwelling, Allah lovin' camel jockeys see killing Infidels as a path to heaven. And yes, brothers and sisters, we are the Infidels. This is one fact we, and ole Bob, cannot escape and is the driving force among an enemy that lives to see us dead.
This War is like none we have ever encountered. Nailing down this enemy is like screwing Jello to the wall. They have no uniforms, no Capitol, no borders, no scruples. They enjoy hiding among their peace loving Muslim counterparts, with little fear of retribution, objection, rejection or expulsion. Their stock in trade is to randomly detonate high explosives, without rhyme or reason, killing as many innocent bystanders as possible. Their stated goal is to kill all Infidels--that being everyone except Allah fearing, gun totting, terrorists--which explains why so many of their fellow Muslims are now pushing up daisies. Graveyards are filled with those that made the mistake of living in harmony with those of the Western culture.
You see folks, ole Bob and his fellow appeasers haven't yet figured out that we are in a War for the rest of our lives, his and ours. Right now it is easy to criticize those that have figured this out. But when Mohammed comes knocking at Ole Bob's door, he will suddenly realize that appeasing will NOT keep his head attached to his shoulders. And in his final seconds of life, Ole Bob will come to realize why Harry Truman spent his last years wrestling with a decision that saved America's future.
Now I know that Ole Bob doesn't think we should be in Iraq. If he had his way, Saddam would still be in control, bribing the U.N., violating sanctions and treating UN resolutions as if they were a promise to stop smoking right after New Years Eve, slaughtering his countrymen, plotting the invasion of his neighbors and moving his weapons programs around like a street huckster playing "Three Card Monte".
On the other hand, Saddam knew what we are now just learning. A brutal dictatorship is the only way to keep these countrymen from killing each other. Seems that Sunnis and Shiites alike wake up each morning dreaming of ways to eliminate the Jews. But first, like the Hatfields and McCoys, they must kill each other for this privilege. We must never forget (and some must finally realize) that many of these mutton breath, desert dwelling, Allah lovin' camel jockeys see killing Infidels as a path to heaven. And yes, brothers and sisters, we are the Infidels. This is one fact we, and ole Bob, cannot escape and is the driving force among an enemy that lives to see us dead.
This War is like none we have ever encountered. Nailing down this enemy is like screwing Jello to the wall. They have no uniforms, no Capitol, no borders, no scruples. They enjoy hiding among their peace loving Muslim counterparts, with little fear of retribution, objection, rejection or expulsion. Their stock in trade is to randomly detonate high explosives, without rhyme or reason, killing as many innocent bystanders as possible. Their stated goal is to kill all Infidels--that being everyone except Allah fearing, gun totting, terrorists--which explains why so many of their fellow Muslims are now pushing up daisies. Graveyards are filled with those that made the mistake of living in harmony with those of the Western culture.
You see folks, ole Bob and his fellow appeasers haven't yet figured out that we are in a War for the rest of our lives, his and ours. Right now it is easy to criticize those that have figured this out. But when Mohammed comes knocking at Ole Bob's door, he will suddenly realize that appeasing will NOT keep his head attached to his shoulders. And in his final seconds of life, Ole Bob will come to realize why Harry Truman spent his last years wrestling with a decision that saved America's future.
What Can Brown Do For You?
What can Brown do for you?
UPS has paid ’through the nose’ for some ad agency to tell us what many of us already know. Brown knows things. Fortunately ‘Brown’ happens to be a very common name, which is attached to some very uncommon people, of which one is a friend of mine.
There are many things this particular Brown can do for you. One is to point out when you have completely screwed up. This will most likely come with the octaves of a fog horn, to a crowd of your peers. It is not so much an effort to humiliate you but an attempt to change your behavior. Well ok, it is an attempt to humiliate you. Dummy.
Brown will be among the first to announce the shortcomings of our elected, appointed and salaried public officials. The level of inefficiency, incompetence and insensitivity by these individuals is routine fodder for his grist. Just one boneheaded stunt by any of these public servants will unleash a tirade of honorable mention.
Woe be the lowly tax official, who attempts to exert authority they do not have, when speaking to Brown. Best they deal with Brown’s tax man, rather than face the wrath of Brown, who has little patience with half-baked bureaucrats with a power complex.
Brown will point out that your Indonesian, Indian, or Chinese customer service representatives cannot be understood on the phone. You may consider this a good thing, since no one else can understand them either.
If you produce movies or television programs, which have political, racial or homosexual themed plots, you might face ‘the Brown effect‘, which will be a high pitched tirade, most likely in public, that will hopefully remind you and your viewers that movies are for entertainment, not pushing an agenda.
I have known Brown for almost 20 years and aside from his refreshing and outspoken judgments of social blunders, he is the last person you want pointing out your shortcomings and the first person you can count on, when the chips are down.
UPS has paid ’through the nose’ for some ad agency to tell us what many of us already know. Brown knows things. Fortunately ‘Brown’ happens to be a very common name, which is attached to some very uncommon people, of which one is a friend of mine.
There are many things this particular Brown can do for you. One is to point out when you have completely screwed up. This will most likely come with the octaves of a fog horn, to a crowd of your peers. It is not so much an effort to humiliate you but an attempt to change your behavior. Well ok, it is an attempt to humiliate you. Dummy.
Brown will be among the first to announce the shortcomings of our elected, appointed and salaried public officials. The level of inefficiency, incompetence and insensitivity by these individuals is routine fodder for his grist. Just one boneheaded stunt by any of these public servants will unleash a tirade of honorable mention.
Woe be the lowly tax official, who attempts to exert authority they do not have, when speaking to Brown. Best they deal with Brown’s tax man, rather than face the wrath of Brown, who has little patience with half-baked bureaucrats with a power complex.
Brown will point out that your Indonesian, Indian, or Chinese customer service representatives cannot be understood on the phone. You may consider this a good thing, since no one else can understand them either.
If you produce movies or television programs, which have political, racial or homosexual themed plots, you might face ‘the Brown effect‘, which will be a high pitched tirade, most likely in public, that will hopefully remind you and your viewers that movies are for entertainment, not pushing an agenda.
I have known Brown for almost 20 years and aside from his refreshing and outspoken judgments of social blunders, he is the last person you want pointing out your shortcomings and the first person you can count on, when the chips are down.
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