Creative Financing

With all of that questionable cash languishing in bank accounts belonging to Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and every other politician in America. I think it is time to do some “mining”

For instance, it is commonly known that both Barack and Hillary had millions, even tens of millions in “questionable” donations. They came from overseas, from dishwashers, from hairdressers, and from people with names made completely from vowels. And most did not have real return addresses. But one thing they did have was the ability to get around the non-existent safeguards, defenses and shields to insure no such donations could be submitted. Well, time to turn that green into gold.

I say we hire a few hardworking middle management types with at least an eighth grade education and basic knowledge of a $10 Radio Shack solar calculator to track down those bogus bucks and drag them back into the system.

I would start with all those checks that Barack and Hillary said they “returned”. If I don’t see the cancelled check, well we get another one made out to our new agency. Then we go to work on all that nasty old dodgy and lingering paperwork that shows many donations came from foreigners, repeat donors or donors exceeding one time donations. Cha…ching.

Then we go after all names that lack consonants, resemble Disney characters, approximate the front line of the Dallas Cowboys, sound like the first four words of any Rolling Stones song or coincide with the last ten Playmates of the Month. We will focus on addresses that start with 1234, 007, xxxx or 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Cut another check. Cha…ching. I think you get the picture.

However, I don’t see this little project going forward, because A) It will put quite a dent in the reputation of the politician, not to mention their bank balance and, B) This law will have to be approved by the very souls that will be writing the checks. Well, this isn’t gonna happen.