Memo to Republican Robo Callers

Memo to the next Republican Robo-Beggar seeking contributions from me:

Dear Sirs, I really respect you for going to bat for Republicans. Your enthusiasm, tenacity and loyalty to a party is admirable, although misguided. Even in the face of reasonable argument you have no reservation to ask me to open my wallet for the “Conservative” party trying to take back the Congress.

Well my cubicle bound, Prozac induced, former Wire-House or Boiler Room robo-caller, you have disturbed my good nature and disrupted my dinner for the last time.

The next time one of you clowns call, here is what you’re gonna get.

You: Hello Mr. Briggs, how are you today?

Me: Fine.

You: Mr. Briggs, can we get your response to a question?

Me: Go for it.

You: Do you think that John Boehner should take over as Speaker of the House?

Me: You’re calling a Conservative and asking a stupid question like that?

You: Well Mr. Briggs, that’s why I’m calling. I want to be assured that you will continue your support for the Republican Party. Can we count on you for a $200 donation?

Me: Well Pilgrim, this is where the rubber meets the road. You see my ill informed, highly motivated, money grubbing leach, Democrats and Republicans-for the past 6 decades- have been party to the biggest boondoggle in American history. Neither of you have been able to lower the national debt by a penny, and instead have been burrowing us into financial oblivion since Franklin Roosevelt.

So let me be clear, both Democrats and Republicans have both taken the helm several times over the past 60 years, yet you each have witnessed our National Debt spiral into stratosphere and beyond. Moreover, as a result of the Roosevelt and Johnson administration’s “New Deal” and “Great Society” programs respectively, with restructuring, expansion and ever increasing adaptations approved by every Congress and Administration from Truman through Bush 43, we have collective, unfunded liabilities in excess of $54 trillion dollars and counting. And you, you ignorant drone, have the temerity to call me and ask for more.

To put this into perspective, each man woman and child owes something north of $800,000 each or we could just give up every dime made in the U.S. for the next 4 ½ years. But that might put a little crimp in tax collections.

I’m sorry Pilgrim, but you need to bone up on your spiel before embarrassing yourself by claiming to be a Conservative. Because any serious Conservative would be apoplectic at this figure, if not suicidal. So you can take your “canned” grovel and share it with someone who hasn’t watched Fox News for say, EVER. Oh, you haven’t seen this on Fox. Well I haven’t either. Probably because that would start a revolution, wouldn’t it?

So now that I have brightened your day, you can get off my phone, so I can enjoy what’s left of my cold dinner. Click.The Dumbplumber