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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Golden Rule

So about that whole “Buy Gold” thing that is being carpet bombed on the cable channels. What’s up with that? Buy Gold to hedge on inflation. Buy Gold to secure your portfolio. Buy Gold because I’m a washed up actor, has-been spy/radio talk show host with a serious asshole fetish or former head of Fort Knox with a cash flow problem. Geesh.

Hey folks, has anyone but me wondered why all these shysters are hawking gold? Well, I have a few questions.

One: If gold is going up so fast, why are companies selling it? Remind me again, why I would sell my collector car, if it’s value is going through the roof? Wouldn’t I hold on to it if the predictions that it’s price would double again within 3 to 5 years? Or, on the other hand, if I sold it, wouldn’t I be the dummy in this transaction?

Two: Who is it exactly is selling Gold anyway? Is it the mining company? Is it the refiner? Is it their proprietary broker? Is it just some ex-carnival barkers hammering us “Marks” to purchase a commodity on top of the market?

If there is one thing the Dumbplumber has noticed about gold, it is that it is easy to buy, easy to sell, but hard to use… as money. Just try to buy a slab of bacon, bag of beans and a gallon of milk with gold. Try to take a little dust or scrapings from your gold bar down to Papa Johns Pizza for an evening of fun and frolic. Better yet, slide on in to your local Chevy dealer with a few ounces and make a deal with Fast Eddy for a new Silverado. See how that works for you.

But back to selling gold. Given the pitch to buy gold because of its potential future value, explain to me just why would anyone with a brain larger than a gnats pecker would even consider selling it. You know, I know, now let’s tell everyone else. You can’t buy anything with gold, but money. And once you buy money, you’re just a loser like the rest of us.

So now you know what this is all about. You use gold--you bought with money--in a hope that gold goes up faster than money goes down, so that you still have the ability to buy breakfast before cash is completely worthless.

1 comment:

Golden Plumber said...

LOL at "a brain larger than a gnat's pecker!"

Gold is just a store of value -- nothing more, nothing less. Money is the same. I may not be able to buy directly with gold, but I can get any kind of cash money I want anywhere in the world very quickly if I have a few ounces of the stuff.