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Saturday, November 15, 2008

Marahmallows and McMansions

As I sit here, I am witnessing the news reports of the latest wildfires near Montecito, Ca.. Seems that a whole bunch of multi millionaires, multi, multi, stinking multi-millionaires and a few billionaires are losing their houses to runaway fires. Oh, the devastation, the destruction, the ruin and loss…..Ok stop. This is horsehockey.

If you have suddenly developed sympathy for anyone or anything other than pets, houseplants or servant’s jobs lost in this inferno, you are about as dumb as the elitist goobers that own these places.

Now I don’t want to go on a rant here, but if these folks have learned nothing from, at least, the Oakland Hills fire, going forward to the perennial Malibu, L.A. Hills, San Bernardino, San Diego fires, well then, they are incapable of learning anything.

Second, while most devastating Southern California fires level developments owned by millionaires, who somehow can’t afford the basic protection measures to prevent losses, these Montecito stooges could afford a fire department for every house, but still can’t get it done.

Indeed, if you can afford 10, 20 or 30 mil for a house, you can afford a $20k compressed air foam system that would cover your home during a fire, like a big wet soapy condom. (Sorry about the analogy) And you could afford a qualified technician to run it and the mower and the pool cleaner and the sprinkler system. Hell, you might just hire some has-been tennis pro to do the whole thing and keep your young, high maintenance, trophy wife busy at the same time. Just sayin’.

Look folks, we can’t do much about arsonists, Santa Ana winds, dry brush or rolling inaccessible hills. But we sure as hell can do something besides gnash and squeal when a rolling inferno takes out a few dozen multi-million dollar McMansions, that could have been saved with a few thousand dollars worth of shaving cream.

So, go ahead and cry for the plants, goldfish and random cat, trapped in the holocaust. But don’t shed too many tears for the owners, who are most likely watching their 4th home go up in flames, from their third home in Telluride.

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