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Saturday, March 31, 2012

Winning Big

With the latest blockbuster $640 million dollar Mega Millions lotto, perhaps it is time to revisit Dumbplumber’s take on playing the lottery.

Dumbplumber plays the California Lottery. Yes I know, only stupid poor people play, only the irresponsible play, it’s a tax on the poor, yada, yada.

Well people let me inform you. I know I won’t win. I know the odds are more likely that I will be killed by a shark, even though I never go in the ocean. And I know that in most cases, those that win, end up broke, miserable and disillusioned, if not in themselves, their friends, neighbors and family. I also know it is the cheapest therapy you can buy without winning. Let me explain.

When most people buy a Lotto ticket, they check the numbers immediately. Wrong. Dumbplumber doesn’t check his numbers for weeks or months. Because once you have checked the numbers, you are an instant loser. Dumbplumber prefers to hang on to those tickets until he can no longer sit on his wallet. He prefers to dream of what he could do if he had a once in a lifetime windfall. No, it isn’t all about having stuff.

He fantasizes about all the folks he would support and disappoint, if he were to hit the big one, all the investment gurus he would show the door, all the shirt tail relatives he would send packing, all the long lost friends looking for a bailout, not to mention an army of complete strangers wandering on his property with wish lists from business propositions all the way down to flat out cash donations. Ah, the very thought of pissing off insufferable dirtballs just warms the cockles of his heart.

No, Dumbplumber has discovered that the endorphins released from these fantasies are far cheaper and way more effective than any visit to a counselor or Psychiatrist. Yes folks, that one dollar ticket, unchecked, will replace weeks of psychotherapy at $150 per hour. And the best part is, it only costs a dollar to find out. Beat that on late night T.V..



1 comment:

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