I am always amazed when I learn that Christmas specials on T.V. are taped in June or July. So, I am prepared to mentally deal with Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers belting out an Xmas duet under some Hollywood snowflakes.

But I still find it a stretch that I am sitting here during the coldest, most devastating global cooling pattern in 15 years, watching a Discovery Channel episode about Global Warming, complete with a moron’s laundry list of things we can do to make the planet colder.

Guess those squiggly bulbs, auto emission standards have done their job.

Yeah like this 4.5 billion year old planet which has transformed itself from a molten ball to a frozen sphere, several times over, is going to kneel to the likes of man, in determining what the weather is going to be. But all you Gore, Greenie sycophants can just keep hopin’ and changin’.

As Your Stomach Turns

My what a difference a month makes in politics. Seems like it was just yesterday that we were losing in Iraq, gas prices were off the charts, both Hillary and Barack were raking in millions in illegal campaign contributions and ACORN was working out of Obama’s back pocket to fix an election, by paying for votes from people that didn’t know the difference between Justice Ginsberg and Judge Judy…..And didn’t care. Hey, even ignorant, drunk, worthless scumbags deserve the right to vote Left.

Well, here we are a little over a month later and Iraq has fallen off the PMS/NBC radar screen,. And thanks to that “thoughtful and courageous” Democrat controlled Congress we have brought gas AND the entire world economy down to about two steps above the basement door. And strangely, we haven’t heard a peep about tens or hundreds of millions in illegal contributions nor so much as a grunt about ACORN and their antics. Looks like those felonies just evaporate with victory…..like the campaign promises.

And in the shadow of the Inauguration, the “Hope and Change” guru has packed his house with Clintonistas, Chicago mob lackeys and a couple of Bush holdovers to keep the home fires burning. So much for the Change.

Meanwhile all the Usual Suspects, that set the stage for the biggest financial meltdown in history, are busy in their cushy little congressional offices trying to figure out a way to hang this entire fiasco on Bush and Co. even though the video tape says differently. So much for Hope.

There is more than a good chance that there will be far more effort in finding ways to screw the American Taxpayer out of some more of his jingle than any reasonable investigation as to why all the safeguards against fundraising fraud were REMOVED from Barack’s campaign website. One way to guarantee that was to make Herr Clinton’s asst. Attorney General the new AG and to make Frau Clinton, Secty of State. If this guy can take the stink off Whitewater and the Marc Rich pardon, he can surely bury the stench of this scandal.

Ode to Xmas ‘08

This December ‘08 could be a milestone for me. After 22 years providing plumbing and electric services for those in and around the Fall River Valley, I may have well disappointed more people in the past four days than the previous 10 to 20 years. But I comfort myself by knowing that I will never reach the level of disappointment soon to be realized by our next president.

You see, I have come down with what I originally thought was garden variety, common cold, but has turned into a low grade infection of my sinuses, ears and respiratory system. And unlike a similar infection, which hit me last year, that blossomed into a bleeding ulcer, that nearly put me in the ground instead of a flooded basement, I have every intention of heading this one off at the pass, with rest and care.

Unfortunately, this particular virus had to pick the coldest day in over 15 years to raise its ugly head. Ergo, the disappointed masses.

My messages last Thursday were coming in so fast, I couldn’t put down the phone to leave the shop, that the next call was coming in. And it was the same complaint from everyone….I have no water! Well, duh. It’s 10 below and you didn’t prepare. Your pipes are frozen. Apply heat and call me later.
And the nasty thing about frozen pipes. Once you thaw them, some leak. But I digress.

So on Thursday and Friday, I did what I could to get water back on. Heat lamps, heaters and in some cases just shutting the pump house door and leaving the cute little heater on that didn’t have a chance against the direct forces of Mother Nature. But by Saturday morning, all the signs were there, stuffy nose, scratchy throat and hacking cough. Yep, Christmas shopping was gonna be a hoot.

I had left the phone turned off in the house, the night before, and when I checked the message machine before I left, there were 46 messages, none of which I could resolve with a return call. It’s cold people, suck it up. But the masses would not be discouraged by a full message machine, nor a disconnected ringer in the house. They continued to call well after Saturday afternoon, while I was confined to bed with strict instructions from wifey to stay there until healed. But she underestimated the persistence of people without water.

The calls probably continued well after we turned off the message machine on Saturday afternoon. Messages that I may well never be able to return. And if I do, they will be moot conversations followed by dozens of apologies. And most will be perfunctory mea culpas for my inability to be in twelve places at one time. I will however, make no excuses for those that only call me when they can’t get their neighbor, cousin, contractor son or pastor to do it for free.

On the other hand, I reserve my most sincere regrets to those who have depended upon me for all their services, for many years. I refer to those that usually just pick up the phone and say, “get it done, send me the bill“. Meanwhile, wifey fields the random calls that sneak in while she is talking to her family or retrieving her own messages. She tells them that I am sick in bed and they response, oh, but I have no water. What part of “sick in bed” do they not understand?

But go through the messages I will. Mostly to reconnect with clients who have not been just an income stream, but those that have become friends, confidants and quasi relatives. My hardest job will be to seek out my LOL’s (little old ladies) and make any amends if they are due. In ill health, I may have let them down, a flaw that I may spend many months living down.

However, if there is to be a silver lining, it will be that I should come out of this bout much sooner than if I had made attempts to make other’s lives a little better during extreme circumstances. Circumstances that, if there is a God, should prepare these victims to face similar weather in the future, notwithstanding Global Warming.

And if there is any comfort for those that are holding contempt for my selfish efforts to get well, my own pump house froze a pipe and broke, flooding collector books, bulk foods and about a thousand pieces of cloth wifey was saving for quilts. That little event will definitely cost me, if not a continual reminder of lost treasures, but a lingering reminder that I usually reserve for college elites…..hey dummy, water freezes at 32 degrees.

Merry Christmas to all. The Dumbplumber

“The One’s” Exercise in Futility

Taking from the rich and giving to the poor has always been a noble, however illegal endeavor. And it remains so, even to this day. On the other hand, taking from the many to give to the few seems to be the new cause
de jour. Or in this case, “duh” -jour, by our U.S. Congress.

So today, Congress (still hung over from the Mortgage Meltdown Pirates Ball) has decided to tax the living bee-Jesus out of what’s left of working America and give it to 12% that happens to already have generous health benefits, hundreds of billions in retirement funds and, oh yeah, Union cards.

Seems that Congress--a Democrat led Congress in fact-- is all atwitter about those poor Union people that are about to feel the pain the rest of us have been feeling for decades, without free healthcare and no retirement funds. Well, we can’t have that. Time for Democrats to act and ACT NOW.

Time to create a few million jobs--and strangely enough, Union jobs-- to rebuild highways, bridges and schools, at the expense of ALL of America, over 80% of which are non-Union. Nevermind that the last passing lane project in California took over seven years before dirt was moved. I can just imagine the time it will take to engineer, design, receive environmental impact approval and resolved Native American issues in 12 thousand infrastructure projects across our great land.

You see, America is about to pay, and pay dearly, for all the obstacles, roadblocks, hurdles and outrages it has allowed to obstruct, not just public works project, but any project that requires moving more than a shovel of dirt. These obstructions are home grown and have spawned a cottage industry, mostly inhabited by lawyers, environmentalists and other assorted paper pushers hell bent on impeding anything in the best interest of society.

So it will be interesting to see just how “The One” will stimulate the economy, when he has 2.5 million, newly minted, Union folks in hard hats, leaning on their shovels until the ink is dry on all the obstructionist’s agreements needed to actually DO something.

The Rezko Storm

With all the recent bruhaha over Tony Rezko, Gov. Blagojevich and a scrum of Clinton-istas being appointed to fill Cabinet positions, Obama’s transition is looking more like a hockey game than anything resembling a seamless Presidential handoff. So, except for a couple of guys, appointed for Defense and a National Security Advisor, that will keep his butt from being blown off by some very pissed off terrorists, Barack is surrounding himself with the most influential, turncoats left over from the Clinton era and a handful of “Chicago Machine” lackeys, who know where most of the bodies are buried back home.

Tony Rezko’s recent conviction and pending sentencing is looking more like the third leg of a perfect storm, and does not bode well for the “Exalted One”, since Herr Rezko is looking to trade an 8 X 12 cell for a single wide in Iowa, under a different name. Remember, Rahm Immanuel traded places with U.S. Attorney Fitzgerald, as the “man in the middle“, once Rahm spent about 45 minutes, he would rather forget, on a “bugged” phone with Hot Rod Blagojevich, who was looking to trade up from the Governor’s Office.

Now, the only one talking is the Messiah. He is all busy making like he is going to save the world with some hold-over-has-beens and a handful of pay-to-play mob jockeys from the Windy City. In the meantime, his “plumbers” and damage control people are in the background teeth gnashing, finger pointing and leak plugging, as to make Richard Nixon roll over in his grave. And hey, the guy isn’t even President yet !!!

And in the sweetest of ironies, those who are asking the most questions, NOT being answered by the “Openness” and “Transparency” President-elect, are the Liberal Media. It just makes the warm and tinglys run up and down your leg to witness Liberals eat one of their own…..whole.

Right about now “The One” probably isn’t looking to be “one” on a cross, but a cave with a large boulder, for a door, is looking pretty damn good.

Creative Financing

With all of that questionable cash languishing in bank accounts belonging to Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and every other politician in America. I think it is time to do some “mining”

For instance, it is commonly known that both Barack and Hillary had millions, even tens of millions in “questionable” donations. They came from overseas, from dishwashers, from hairdressers, and from people with names made completely from vowels. And most did not have real return addresses. But one thing they did have was the ability to get around the non-existent safeguards, defenses and shields to insure no such donations could be submitted. Well, time to turn that green into gold.

I say we hire a few hardworking middle management types with at least an eighth grade education and basic knowledge of a $10 Radio Shack solar calculator to track down those bogus bucks and drag them back into the system.

I would start with all those checks that Barack and Hillary said they “returned”. If I don’t see the cancelled check, well we get another one made out to our new agency. Then we go to work on all that nasty old dodgy and lingering paperwork that shows many donations came from foreigners, repeat donors or donors exceeding one time donations. Cha…ching.

Then we go after all names that lack consonants, resemble Disney characters, approximate the front line of the Dallas Cowboys, sound like the first four words of any Rolling Stones song or coincide with the last ten Playmates of the Month. We will focus on addresses that start with 1234, 007, xxxx or 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Cut another check. Cha…ching. I think you get the picture.

However, I don’t see this little project going forward, because A) It will put quite a dent in the reputation of the politician, not to mention their bank balance and, B) This law will have to be approved by the very souls that will be writing the checks. Well, this isn’t gonna happen.

Under the Radar

Within the cacophony of what is the Auto Bailout, the Banking Bailout, the Blagojevich Blowup and the Obama Blowout, there may be some quiet scandals bubbling below the surface. Scandals that could easily make today’s headlines pale in comparison.

It is quite amusing to watch the UAW, in righteous indignation, proclaim that they have NEVER defaulted on an agreement with U.S. automakers. Of course they haven’t. The agreements they made were all in favor of the workers, at the threat of strike. Their breaking an agreement would be akin to pirates returning some of the booty they stole, at dagger point. What’s the point?

I think what we are really overlooking are the pension and healthcare funds that the UAW controls. GM alone has committed over $50 billion to a healthcare fund overseen by the UAW, while UAW pension accounts hold over $105 billion in “managed” pension funds, supposedly for the benefit of retirees and spouses. But wait, there’s more. With the historic fraud, mismanagement and corruption, by notorious union pirates, don’t these funds resemble a big juicy piñata than any retirement plan for workers?

With all the noise about the potty mouthed Governor Blagojevich trying to sell Obama’s senate seat, we have not heard a peep about what he knows about Obama’s meteoric rise to the presidency. No doubt the Gov. holds some aces up his sleeve about the Pres elect, that will ease his fall from grace. I’m guessing on mattress filled with hundred dollar bills.

And try as they might, Wall Street bankers will not be able to contain What, Why and Where their $700 billion went. I know, I know really $350 billion, but there’s more to come, with a stroke of a pen.

And last but not least, once the pixie dust has blown off Herr Obama’s Teflon suit, with the winds of discontent, from the discovery that his promises were just puffs of smoke up their skirts, the legions that ignored his flaws to blindly anoint him the world’s most powerful man, will turn on him with a vengeance.

Obama and Re-construction

Well, another cat is out of the bag. Obama is going to go on ANOTHER spending spree, rebuilding America. Yes folks, we are going to build or rebuild, schools, bridges, roads and any other thing some politician says needs building. And he is going to do it on top of all those other things he is going to do--at taxpayer expense--like healthcare for all, free college education and welfare for anyone who doesn’t want to work. What a guy.

But before the ink is dry on the runaway reconstruction, Mr. Obama needs a wake-up call.

Mr. Obama, this isn’t 1931. Then when government wanted to build something then, they just built it. But today, we have Environmental Impact Reports, Feasibility Studies, Native American sensitivity issues and Seismic Retrofit considerations. In fact, Mr. Obama, while you’re all busy envisioning armies of little people with hardhats leaning on shovels and taking coffee breaks, killing the clock till payday, you won’t see the go-ahead on any project during your first term.

In fact, the engineers, architects, environmental activists and union negotiators will have you tied up for years, in red tape that didn’t exist seventy years ago. That is if you ever get past the legions of lobbyists, who want you to start in their neck-of-the-woods first. Because any time you want to throw billions in taxpayer money at any project, you need to pay the “vig” first. Lawyers, union bosses and mid level bureaucrats all need to get greased before the first shovel of dirt is moved.

Mr. Obama, unless you plan on rewriting all those oppressive regulations, permits, directives and laws the governments have spent years imposing on the rest of us, I suspect your dreams of a massive public works program will remain a dream for both your terms. You will soon discover that unraveling bureaucratic boondoggles takes a lot longer than making them.

So, you are about to discover what the rest of us have known since we were old enough to understand what a politician was.

Car Czar

So now, the Big 3 are going to get another $15 billion as an emergency bridge loan. I say another because they were already promised $12 billion to retool to build “Green” cars that nobody will buy and now another $15 billion to keep them afloat until they accomplish that. HOOOKKAAYYY!!

And to keep a watchful eye on the greenbacks, which will disappear like Rosie O’Donnell on Primetime, will be a new Car Czar.

Well, I take exception to that position. Czar’s usually are quite effective. You know, they murder, maim and plunder to get whatever they want done. And historically, they have been very effective….until they are undone.

Political Czars, on the other hand….not so much.

Let’s review. In the 70’s, we created, a Czar of sorts, the Secretary of Energy. That’s because we were threatened by a Saudi oil embargo that brought us to our knees. We suddenly realized that our security was jeopardized by control of foreign oil. Voila, the Dept. of Energy, complete with a Secretary--aka Czar--to secure our energy independence.

Well, that was over 30 years and hundreds of billions ago, when we imported 25 percent of our oil. Today we import almost 70% and Energy has an annual budget of $60 billion per year. Great jobs require great budgets.

So what of our Drug Czar. He was mandated with stopping the flow of drugs into the U.S. from abroad and the south. And by 2003 the budget was over $20 billion a year, while more drugs than ever were flowing at ever increasing cost, due to the inconvenience of interdiction. Again, being a Czar is a learning curve.

So now, we are going to have a Car Czar shoved down our wallet pocket, like having the Environmentalists, Unions and Dept. of Transportation wasn’t enough of an impediment to running a successful auto company.

Well people, buckle up. You are about to take a ride like you have never been on before. Get ready for the resurrection of the Pinto, Yugo, and every other car you NEVER wanted to own.

Writing for the Choir

Friends and Net acquaintances often ask me why I don’t write more. I tell them that I am overwhelmed with so much material, I don’t know where to start. I only write when I am inspired, when I am most offended, when someone--usually a Liberal-- picks my scab. And since November 4, my scab gets picked a lot. I am starting to look more like a pomegranate pizza than a pissed off Conservative.

For instance, when I select what I think is the most outlandish event of the day, by mid-day it is not just old news, but dwarfed by 5 other events ready for the book of Idiot’s World Records. You get that when Congress and the pres-Elect are Liberals and the Lame Duck Republican leader is spending his last days pardoning career criminals and others NOT his friends or relatives.

I am most astounded when answers to today’s most pressing problems are coming fourth like water off Niagara Falls from Senator Obama, while the brain trust, that is our present Administration, remains apoplectic in the face of the Liberal tsunami to come. Of course, all of “The One’s” profound and prophetic answers involve cash….lots of cash. Nevermind that he will steamroll America with an avalanche of new taxes, fees, duties, tariffs and enhancements to pay for it. Damn It, it will be done.

For starters, he WON’T raise taxes on the wealthy or the oil companies like he promised, to get elected. That promise alone made the Left, far Left and the Left so far left they had swam out beyond the buoys, so warm and fuzzy that they were wetting down their legs. The slackers, entitlement gamers, deadbeats and professionally unemployed just shivered in anticipation of their “cost of living” increases that would provide the extra cash for a couple of new flat screens and a better quality of Pot. For them, on Nov. 5 the party was on.

For the rest of us, it appears to be more a peek at Armageddon than anything resembling a way out of the fire. There are things you can change and many you can’t, but changing a Liberal is like pulling your own teeth without Novocain.

So, for the time being, I will just scribe about the things that amuse me. That way I won’t spend too much time cleaning and reloading.
The Dumbplumber

A Three Sided Firing Squad

Now let me get this straight. Congress has been imposing CAFÉ Standards(fuel economy mandates) since the 70’s. In part because of the energy/ security issues which resulted in long gas lines during short supplies. Later, the UAW got those standards modified to secure jobs within the US, by having Congress impose limits on imports that would meet the new standards. So, in essence, US automakers were handicapped immediately, where foreign manufacturers were not.

Meanwhile the UAW has been slowly ratcheting up the economic pressure, by not just demanding outrageous healthcare and pension benefits, but extorting them under threat of strike, while insisting that the UAW manage those funds. Pension and medical benefit trusts are currently under-funded to the tune of tens of billions of dollars, all on the table in the current Beg-o-rama on Capitol Hill.

Add to that the dream job of having NOT to work to get paid. Yeah, you got it. When the Big 3 shuts down a plant, they still have to pay about 80% of the wages, plus benefits. My kind of job.

But the $34 billion dollar gorilla in the room is the incessant raising of the bar, for fuel economy, by Congress, egged on by Environmentalists. The silence on this issue, in the hearing room, is deafening.

Way back when, it was 25 mpg, then it was raised to 28, then 30, now the bastards want 35 to 40, with no end in sight. Of course, every time they do this it causes the auto makers to retool, costing billions. And adding insult to injury, the Congressional fat cats tool around in gas guzzling SUV’s, when they aren’t burning jet fuel by the truckload.

And who will be the ultimate loser, when the last Congressional gavel drops?……anyone? OOOH, oooh, oooh, me, me, me. The taxpayers you ass, that’s who. We have 535 bribe taking, earmark grabbing, vote buying, office holding, self-indulgent A-holes all fighting for the tiller on a sinking ship while any consideration for the crew was thrown overboard on Nov. 5th.

Good luck suckers. The Dumbplumber

Bad Loan Circle Jerk

Time for some basic math. We have about 300 million people in this country. There are 535 members of Congress, plus the President and a few hundred highly educated bank and insurance company CEO’s, who are supposed to know what they are doing. But strangely over the past few months, we have dove another $7 trillion in debt, because these folks were incompetent, unconscious or complicit in the biggest heist in history.

Today, the Media is thrashing about for a way to blame Bush for the debacle, but that dog won’t hunt. Yes, he was President for the past 8 years, but the problems really started back in the Carter years, with the Community Reinvestment Act. Well, that notion went over so well that, in time, it morphed into a policy to grant loans to everyone everywhere, as long as the questionable paper would not exceed an acceptable ratio within a bundle of other loans.

Eventually, with the expansion of the real estate boom, throughout the U.S., commissions and fees “trumped” amortized interest, as a revenue stream. Fees and commissions became King when borrowers were returning to the trough over and over to refinance into ballooning equity positions, even though their ability to meet the higher payments did not grow along with the obligations.

The feeding frenzy of borrow, spend, refinance, spend some more, then refinance again never seemed to meet the challenge of the ability to repay. The first bar to hurdle when qualifying for a loan. Loans of $300k and $400k went to borrowers with fixed incomes of less than $2000 per month, which should have been the first litmus test of excessive lending. But NO, the taxpayer was somehow never considered when the ink on loan fraud and bank fraud was being delivered in supertankers. Fannie and Freddie grew into the festering boil, that when burst, would make the DOT.COM bubble look like a fart in your hot tub. Spending and lending went as nuts as the inmates in the Cuckoos Nest.

So, here we are now, swallowing the excesses of a few million irresponsible debtors, and the greed of thousands of mortgage representatives and brokers, who chose to look the other way in qualifying borrowers, not to mention the wholesale negligence of a bureaucracy mandated to oversee such excesses and abuses.

But somehow, the over 290 plus million of us that played by the rules will be shackled with “righting a ship” that less than 10% of us tried to sink.

The silence of the outrage is deafening in our Halls of Justice, Halls of Congress and the Main Stream Media. Instead, the selling of the remedy looks more like a game of Three Card Monte than any retribution against those that got us here. In the pandemonium to make heroes of the upper echelon of government and finance, we have neglected to hold any responsible party’s feet to the fire, insomuch as it would be but a token moral installment to those of us that will ultimately pay for the gross mismanagement and incompetence…. we SO did not deserve.

You see, it was those that got us into this Paul Bunyon Boondoggle that are now crowing that it is THEY who will get us out…..for a few trillion dollars, plus interest. WE HAVE BEEN SO SCREWED.

Obama's Brown Shirts

Seems like every day that I wake up since Nov. 4, 2008, I feel like I’m in a Rod Serling, parallel universe. Initially, I couldn’t believe that America had actually elected the “Puff of Smoke” to lead our nation. But once I got a glimpse of the sheeples that stampeded the polls to vote for “The One”, I understood immediately why we are so screwed.

An interesting cross section of Liberal voters revealed that many couldn’t tell Joe Biden from Joe Torres, Justice Ginsberg from Judge Judy or Ben Bernanke from Benny Hill. But by God, they knew it was great that Obama had picked Sarah Palin for VP, that he was supporting both wars and that he wanted Bill Ayers for Attorney General. Now THAT’S an informed electorate. So, now what?

Well two things have now reared their ugly heads. First the President elect has immediately disappointed the far Left, by picking many of the old “Clintonistas” to fill his cabinet positions. And second, he has committed himself to a “Civilian National Security Force“, which has raised the “Socialist detection” antennas on the Right.

Now it is easy to for Obama to “Bull S**t” his way around the Left (remember he conned them into voting for him), so he can weave any poetic platitudes as an excuse for hiring Hillary and company, and most likely get away with it-- think millions glued to Oprah and Jerry Springer, just waiting for their next stimulus check to arrive.

But just try and blow-by the notion of an American version of Hitler’s “Brownshirts” enforcing every petty assessment, tax, fee, levy, duty, tariff, toll and tithe. Then add to that, door to door enforcement of coming draconian codes, covenants, commandments, canons, ordinances, regulations, statutes and acts designed to contain the populous and extract the last farthing to finance the Socialist agenda.

Well folks, there are just two weaknesses to this plan. One, we still have the Second Amendment, and to a gun shop, Americans are exercising this right in record numbers. Second, unlike the Nazi Brown Shirts, Obama’s will have a very wide yellow stripe down the back, due to weakness #1. So, watch first for a concerted effort to eliminate that little obstacle.

Sarah and the Media

So now, Sarah Palin is the talk of the town, instead of the butt of the joke. Fresh from her vice-presidential defeat, Palin is in high demand by most of the lowlifes of the entertainment industry. Leno, Letterman and Stewart, and that is just the night owls. Oprah, Stephanopoulos, Brokaw and Schieffer, they all want her. Guess they must have discovered some flesh still left on her bones.

It’s hard to get your head around the self-indulgent arrogance of the Media elite, when they can spend 2 months excoriating someone, then once they have achieved the desired effect (character assassination), they invite the victim back to have them “explain the pain” and just WHAT went wrong.
Oh, I don’t know, perhaps the media were so enamored with their own culpabilities, they just wanted everyone to know how efficient they are in reducing charm, character and principle into a bowl of moose chili, right before America’s eyes.

But try as they might, they failed miserably in proving that Palin was a drag on John McCain’s campaign. Oh, they said she was. Their colleagues said she was. Their echoes rippled through the character assassin’s sewer system, that is the Mainstream Media. But Media’s failure was to convince the rest of America, both Red and Blue. Red cheered, Blue feared.

You see, by every measure, McCain was on life support prior to Palin. Her appearance, stage left, resuscitated his stagnant campaign, because other than his tired assertions, there wasn’t a conservative bone in him.

Stepping off the well concealed flight from Anchorage, Palin did something, that Tim Pawlenty, Bobby Jindal and Mitt Romney combined couldn’t do. She struck fear in the hearts and minds of elitists, already armed with all the prejudice, bigotry and slander necessary to bury the predicted frontrunners.

Well, their mission was successful, McCain lost. But his fall was cushioned by a few million voters who came out, more for Palin than McCain. And now the snarkey snobs, who crow over their success, secretly shudder at the notion that a more seasoned and scarred Sarah lurks in the political wings

“O” Allrighty Then

America is all a-twitter that Obama hasn’t spoken to the nation about his plans to lead. Oh, I suggest that Obama’s cabinet picks are speaking much louder than a megaphone in an elevator. And while those stuck in “the cult of personality” frantically await the Messiah’s next utterance and marching orders, the 48% of America that knows the difference between Nancy Pelosi and Judge Judy, are packing their pantries, buying ammo and joining the NRA.

Meanwhile, the stock market is dropping like a boulder off a trestle, the auto industry is sinking like Mark Spitz wearing an anvil anklet and about the only silver lining is the glow off the hair-plugged pates of the former CEOs-- now Wal Mart greeters-- who held all their retirement in stock.

Oh yeah, Obama may not be talking, but America is listening. They’re listening to Barack drag out and recycle tanned, rested and ready Clintonistas. Now, there’s hope and change.

So the America that didn’t vote for The Messianic puff of smoke, is voting with their wallets. And suddenly the sound of pocketbooks slamming shut is trumping the whimpers of the early birds lining up at the Obama Entitlement Pay Window. Just wait till January 20, when the party faithful discover that they will be taking their promised bonanza in IOU’s and Just Trust Me’s.

Can’t wait to see how these work in the liquor stores, tattoo parlors and Seven Eleven’s.

Gonna go buy me some ear plugs, so I don’t have to endure wailing and gnashing of those so disillusioned that Oprah won’t be able to calm them down. Now that’s an “O” moment.

The Obama of OZ

Has the world gone freeking nuts? A CD on Obama, books about Obama, Obama chotchkies, Obama bobblehead dolls, for Christ’s sake… an Obama Pez dispenser.

What’s next, Obama dingle balls, Obama Christmas tree ornaments, Obama oven mitts, Obama condoms (they say Xtra Large, but any pencil dick can wear them), Obama jockstraps, and maybe, someday Obama hoola hoops, but the “AMA” will make it a little lopsided.

The latest phrase attaching itself to Barack is, “cult of personality”. That is the code for, “the lemmings have fallen in love with the smoke and fire, instead of the Wizard“. And folks, I hate to tell you, but there is no balloon to take them back to Kansas. They have hooked their dreams to a myth . A myth that is about to disillusion them in a way they will not soon forget.

Not unlike the Elixir peddler/later knob-turning Wizard impersonator, Obama will be spinning every wheel he can grab, to blow the smoke and fire the flames, hopefully distracting his minions long enough to return the curtain back to where HE will not be responsible for anything. Hey Barack, good luck with that one.

However, I pity you once the slackers, deadbeats, the chemically dependant and the DNA-deprived discover that you have NO intention of keeping, not some, but any of your promises. I suggest that once the Liberal elite discover that their Upstate farm houses were blown away by bean farts, from a bad burrito, instead of a tornado, not even the MSM (Main Stream Media) will be able to bail you out.

No Barack, you may be riding the Horse of Many Colors right now, but America’s Liberal jackasses are going to kick your butt, when they emerge from their pharmaceutical induced haze to my grandmother’s old saying, “don’t bit off more than you can chew”. And Barack, you just bit off more than Rosie O’Donnell and Michael Moore’s love child could chew.

Sorry about the flight delay Barack, but the only one going back to Kansas anytime soon is Dorothy.

Marahmallows and McMansions

As I sit here, I am witnessing the news reports of the latest wildfires near Montecito, Ca.. Seems that a whole bunch of multi millionaires, multi, multi, stinking multi-millionaires and a few billionaires are losing their houses to runaway fires. Oh, the devastation, the destruction, the ruin and loss…..Ok stop. This is horsehockey.

If you have suddenly developed sympathy for anyone or anything other than pets, houseplants or servant’s jobs lost in this inferno, you are about as dumb as the elitist goobers that own these places.

Now I don’t want to go on a rant here, but if these folks have learned nothing from, at least, the Oakland Hills fire, going forward to the perennial Malibu, L.A. Hills, San Bernardino, San Diego fires, well then, they are incapable of learning anything.

Second, while most devastating Southern California fires level developments owned by millionaires, who somehow can’t afford the basic protection measures to prevent losses, these Montecito stooges could afford a fire department for every house, but still can’t get it done.

Indeed, if you can afford 10, 20 or 30 mil for a house, you can afford a $20k compressed air foam system that would cover your home during a fire, like a big wet soapy condom. (Sorry about the analogy) And you could afford a qualified technician to run it and the mower and the pool cleaner and the sprinkler system. Hell, you might just hire some has-been tennis pro to do the whole thing and keep your young, high maintenance, trophy wife busy at the same time. Just sayin’.

Look folks, we can’t do much about arsonists, Santa Ana winds, dry brush or rolling inaccessible hills. But we sure as hell can do something besides gnash and squeal when a rolling inferno takes out a few dozen multi-million dollar McMansions, that could have been saved with a few thousand dollars worth of shaving cream.

So, go ahead and cry for the plants, goldfish and random cat, trapped in the holocaust. But don’t shed too many tears for the owners, who are most likely watching their 4th home go up in flames, from their third home in Telluride.

Presidential Knick Knacks

Jesus H. Christ, what is it with all this hero worship of Barack Obama? Bad enough that his election was a sham. Now we have to endure all the self flagellation by the Media over the one-sided coverage they gave to “The One”, right after they spent 18 months hand picking McCain to be his weakest challenger. Then they spent another 6 months ignoring Obama’s questionable relationships to known terrorists, terrorist sympathizers, and radical clergy, not to mention his lack of experience, other than making shady land deals with a known felon, when not organizing ner-do-wells to milk taxpayers for free goodies.

All this, to the point, that Obama would NOT be qualified to be an FBI agent, an air traffic controller or even a licensed day care provider, but now he is president of the United States. And I am supposed to drop all outrage over illegal campaign cash, voter fraud, voter intimidation, fabricated super stardom and mass hysteria to embrace the biggest Fraud of the 21st Century?

But now that this joke of a campaign has brought an inexplicable victory, we are all supposed to rally around the First Sambo, and engage in the fantasy that is Barack Hussein Obama, First Felon in Chief.

I don’t think so.

The latest sign of complete capitulation is the post election “Chachkies” being marketed like Shamwows. The latest is the Barack Obama Gold Coin which was observed on Cable T.V., in the wee hours--which is the best time to sell something that is worthless. This is where we get 30 seconds of dialog about why this is such a great deal. The first thing I noticed was that they are peddling something “valued at $29.95, for $9.95. Kind of gives you a sense of what they think of his worth doesn’t it?

Next they painfully describe the ingredients as a “Fourteen Carat Gold” clad $1 dollar coin, with a picture of Barack on one side and the Statue of Liberty on the other. Nice touch eh? But I suspect, like Barack, it is hollow inside. Just $9.95 plus shipping, handling, processing and tax which brings the total back to $29.95 is a good example of what we have in store with the man it represents.

Too Big to Fail

Has anyone but me noticed that Washington D.C., Wall Street and our biggest bankers are acting like it is 2005... rock on. While America languishes with an uncertain future, our biggest investment and insurance giants are all busy getting pedicures, sipping $19 lattes and suffering under the knowledge that it is all going to be picked up by taxpayers. Yes, life is good, when you’re too big to fail.

Of course, it is all being portrayed as morale boosting sales conferences, where executives are trying to bullshit producers into believing that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t a locomotive.

No, it isn’t a locomotive, it’s the headlight on a submersible. Because the only ones that “party down” in this financial environment are too stupid to know they are under water.

Time to hand Big Bankers, Big Insurance executives and Big Auto, buckets. Time for them to bail themselves out, scuttle the luxuries, shed the ball and chain-- that is the predatory unions, abandon the self-delusion that they are not expendable. And for those who are trying to bailout an institution that is already submerged, remember, “If you are have dug yourself into a hole, STOP digging”.

For America to go forward, we have to stop letting the inmates run the asylum. Most of Congress has deluded themselves into believing THEY are the ones to do something to get us out of this mess. Yet not one of them has admitted that they are the ones responsible for getting us into IT.

And what did America do, just a few days ago? They returned the same Shitwads back to Congress that flew this plane into the ground. And they hired a clown to pilot this wreck, that is more suited for parking Yugos than leading the Ship of State. They will soon learn that “disappointment” is a lagging indicator.

Can’t wait for the reality to set in that Obama-mania is a disease rather than a cure.

Bail Out O'Rama

Well, it’s the Bailout-O-Rama (kind of rhymes with Obama, doesn’t it?) and now the Auto Giants want a piece of the action. Or, at least their Unions do anyway. Not that we haven’t thrown away too much money already!

Seems that as the share prices of the Detroit Big Three drop to historic lows, Union leaders want American workers-- most of whom are not union-- to pony up and guarantee the outrageous packages they extorted from these corporations, causing this situation. (Think Pan Am, TWA, Eastern Airlines and a host of other corporations suffocated to death by Unions). Kind of like an armed robber demanding you give him more bullets, during the heist.

Somewhere down the food chain, unions forgot how to be symbiotic. The successful parasite doesn’t kill its host, it just sucks enough life to exist and, in a perfect world, actually provide a benefit, which is NOT what the UAW does. Remember, the UAW is not a participant in the successful “Detroit South” auto industry. “Detroit South” is the emergence of the Nissan, Subaru, Toyota, Mazda, etc. factories that dot the Southeastern section of our country.

You see, while the UAW was strangling and smothering the Big Three in the north, some very cagey Orientals were quietly building an auto empire down south. They had a more temperate climate and a ready and willing workforce more than happy to toil for wages far exceeding their neighbors, but not so high as to thwart the host’s profits. They didn’t threaten strikes or shutdowns in return for unsustainable and outrageous health or pension plans. They just built cars, took home great pay and enjoyed the American Dream, while Detroit tried to swim along, with the Unions shackled on them like a ball and chain.

So now, Unions want ALL of America to guarantee them the cushy deals that is bankrupting entire cities like Vallejo and San Bruno, in California, deals that are unsustainable, punitive and suicidal.

People, these pay and benefit plans will bankrupt the Nation if we don’t get them turned around. The Gravy Train is over. We either get rid of the parasites or at least find some we can live with.

Grifter in Chief

With the victories of Barack Obama, William “Cold Cash” Jefferson, smear merchant--John Murtha and maybe even Home Improvement King--Ted Stevens, how can law enforcement ever look down upon common citizens and charge them with lying, cheating or stealing, ever again. The laws broken during this election cycle didn’t just set records they were so many and flagrant as to make Al Capone blush.

The Genie is definitely out of the bottle, when it comes to convicting common criminals for fraud, extortion or conspiracy, when we now have the First Grifter in Chief. Just try to convince a jury that someone scammed a few thousand from some corporation or government agency, when we just witnessed a “Sting” of unparalleled proportions, on America.

It is just unclear whether Obama voters and supporters were bought, hypnotized or are just plain “stuuupid“. But what is not unclear is that tens or hundreds of millions of illegal contributions flooded into Obama coffers with not so much as a whimper. Nor was it unclear that the future “Marxist in Chief” plans to re-distribute the wealth. And if you read carefully between the lines, things are going to get a lot better for the Have-Nots at the expense of the Haves, whether they work or not.

So while Barack is trying to figure out how he is going to pay for all his promises, without raising taxes on 95% of working Americans, he can keep himself busy pardoning all those that committed felonies putting him in office.

I suspect it will be a busy first 100 days.

The Buck Stops There

We are often reminded that there is a plaque on the Oval Office desk that says, “The Buck Stops Here”. Well, we won’t be seeing it there if Obama is president. He will have Fed Ex’d it down to Crawford, where the “Buck” will continue to stop for some quite some time to come.

You see, Obama isn’t much about accepting blame. He is all about assigning it. Obama will be primed and ready to accept any victories or successes, but not so much about blame. It has been his entire political and campaign career.

He didn’t accept any responsibility for Rev. Wright, Louis Farrakhan, Father Flager, Bill Ayers, deaths of botched live abortion babies, hundreds of thousands of fraudulent voter registrations, tens of thousands of illegal votes, hundreds of thousands of uncounted military votes, hundreds of millions in illegal campaign contributions (much of which comes from Muslim countries), non-secret Union voting, The Mortgage Meltdown and the subsequent extortion of American taxpayer’s money for the Bailout.

No, Obama hasn’t taken responsibility for any of it. In fact, he condemns it all publicly at a comfortable “arms length” distance from direct complicity. In politics it is referred to as “plausible deniability”. In fact, the “Buck” NEVER gets anywhere near him.

So, when he takes office and brings all the troops home, he won’t be responsible for the subsequent genocide of U.S. sympathizers in either Iraq or Afghanistan, nor the pending destruction of Israel. He will have nothing to do with the worsening of the economy, the increase in taxes to everyone under $250k, the expansion and inevitable creation of new taxes on everything that moves, lives, breaths and exists above and below the ground, all in the name of progress.

Unfortunately, that plaque will be lodged in Crawford for quite some time to come, most likely about as long as Barack is lodged in the Oval Office.

Joe the Plumber: Life outside the D.C. Cesspool

The Dumbplumber…life outside the D.C. cesspool

Well now they have gone and done it. They are picking on a plumber, “Joe The Plumber” to be exact, and I’m mad as hell and not gonna take it any more. Politicians, pundits and pinheads alike don’t really want to go where they think they’re going, for if you climb down in the septic tank, you’re going to be wearing a little excrement by the time you climb out.

Joe Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Plumber, made the mistake of being anywhere near Obama on that fateful day. Now he is paying for it. It was a fool’s errand to talk to Obama, much less than ask him a question. At that moment “Joe” should have heard the toilet flush just as he removed the plug in the sewer line. Now the feces is coming down on him, with nowhere to go. “He’s not licensed”. “He’s got tax problems”. He’s got ear hair. How dare he question the Messiah?

Joe can forget about buying that plumbing company he works for. Not that it isn’t a good opportunity, but with his sudden fame he is now a target for every Left Wingnut trolling his neighborhood or surfing the Net. His fifteen minutes of fame will cost him dearly in future contracts with Liberals, negotiations with union goons and interviews with our friends at the IRS Criminal Investigation Unit.

Joe will rue the day he became the darling of Conservatives and fresh meat for the media puppets and Liberal zealots alike, mostly because, while “Joe the Plumber” has been mentioned more in the last 48 hours than Brittney Spears, Madonna and Gary Coleman combined, there are no book deals or movies out there for him. No pay-window for Joe.

My utmost respect goes out to Joe for his grasp of economic and tax issues and his trying to explain these to the Democrat Candidate. However, I fear that Joe’s candid conversation will do little to educate “The One”, whose style far outweighs his substance.

Good luck Joe. You’re gonna need it.

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Identification

You can’t drive a car in any state of the union without a driver’s license. To get a license, you must fill out an application, provide an address, birth certificate, or another state I.D.

To cash a check, you must show a valid I.D. and/or a check cashing card from your bank.

To open a bank account, you must fill out a form and show a valid I.D.

To get a credit card, you must fill out an application and show a valid I.D.

To finance a car, a sofa, a boat or a flat screen, you must fill out an application and show a valid I.D.

To apply for welfare or other public assistance, you must show some sort of identification and fill out a legible application.

To receive food stamps, you must apply and provide some I.D.

Given that the public accepts these requirements, for virtually every walk of life, why is it suddenly so important to register and vote the same day or within just a few days, when the system is not prepared to handle a huge influx of citizens suddenly struck with the uncontrollable urge to vote?

Where was this urge during the Primaries? Under a bridge? Pissing in an alley? Bumming for change on the Avenues?

Is it because these folks are born procrastinators? Is it because they forgot there was an election, until some guy giving away cigarettes reminded him?

Is it because, while these freeze dried patriots, who don’t know “Dick“, much less than Dick Cheney or Nancy Pelosi and are suddenly enamored with Obama, but don’t know why or what he stands for. Or, is it because a publicly funded group of Left Wing zealots have figured out a way to “game” the election system in a few battleground states, with the additional incentive of $800k from one of the candidates?

Are We Crazy?

Has the world lost its mind? Democrats took over Congress two years ago with promises to lower energy prices with some “common sense measures.” Well, with the financial world in a meltdown, oil is now below $80 a barrel. However, I’m not so sure that causing Wall Street to lose 40% of its value over the last year and dragging global markets behind it, would qualify as a “common sense measure“. Still, Democrats say it is because of Bush???

And….over 50% of America believes them!!!

Well, don’t bother going back and seeing who sparked this housing crash with demands that every person deserved a house they had no way of paying for. The cast of clowns responsible are still sitting in their leather chairs up on Capitol Hill. So, those that paved the way for this debacle, are now trying to claim credit for getting us out of it.

Nothing like putting the cart before the horse, because by my last check, that $850 billion is still setting in Paulson’s “In Box” growing hair. Seems that Hank could have used some of that downtime he spent waiting for Nancy, Harry and Company to stop pissing on each other over the “sweeteners”(formerly referred to as earmarks) they were planting inside the biggest ransom in history, to figure out who would get the booty, once it hit his desk. Guess that sort of takes some of the edge off the initial “urgency” of the bailout request, over two weeks ago, doesn’t it?

No folks, this isn’t extortion. It isn’t even a well laid plan. It is a loose knit combination of incompetence, ineptitude, and unmitigated greed combined with opportunity, motive and ability. Unfortunately, it is also the end of business as usual on Wall Street, Main Street and unfortunately, your street.

You see, while those that were helping themselves, when they were supposed to be watching out for us, let the shields down and allowed the Klingons to enter our Starship. So now, while our representatives are all busy pointing fingers at each other, claiming legislative divine intervention, the interlopers are picking the meat off our financial carcass, with impunity. Some even have speculated that foreign forces, with billions at their fingertips, are at work in what only can be described as the worlds biggest video game where they are “gaming” our financial system for trillions. But the silence on this front is deafening, even though proof is at our fingertips.

Obama Follow the Money

Now here we go again. Senator Obama’s campaign money changers are busy “returning” all kinds of questionable donations to questionable donors, because they have been notified by “scrutinizers” that donors with scrabbled syllables as names may not be suitable or acceptable, especially since their serial donations are not hundreds, but thousands more than legal limits.

We all remember the Hillary campaign, which got caught accepting “bundled” donations of thousands of dollars each from dishwashers, waitresses, and shoeshine boys, all of Asian descent. Well, Obama sort of cancelled that out with his own little “International Dialing For Dollars” organization.

Obama is no dummy, he went where the real money was, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia and other “Muslim” nations, just itching to have a self avowed “Christian” in the White House. Of course the money they were sending him was originally ours, which was a fraction they have acquired by extortion, fraud and corruption… at the pump, over the internet and through the mail.

Scrutinizers discovered, quite by accident, that Dahsudhu Hduadh of Df, Hawaii and Uadhshgu Hduadh of Dhff, Fla. may not be the honest, hard working Obama supporters that the Obama bean counters thought they were.

Now, I don’t want to go out on a limb here, but I have heard that Df has the 35th best surf on planet, while Dhff, Florida has a Hooters not to be believed. All the waitresses are over 60 and still have the implants they got in the 70’s. Hooorah.

But seriously folks, Obama and Obama’s game plan has more holes than a bolt of cheesecloth, more deception than Barney Frank at a Freddie and Fannie costume ball and more obfuscation than a platoon of Philadelphia lawyers at Guantanamo. Call it what you will, but out and out fraud is not actionable in a political campaign, which is what we have here. So, while campaigns casually claim they are returning these contributions, I wait to see the canceled check from Dhff, Florida or Df, Hawaii, much less than anyone whose name was picked from a bowel of Alphabet Soup.

Winking at Palin

Winking. Winking! Winking!!! What’s with all the comments about Sarah Palin’s winking? Jesus, with all the Left wing media dissecting her life, like a frog in freshman biology, you would think they could come up with something better than winking. Now you know why Obama is running through millions like we run through pocket change.

In fact, after Obama’s Army of investigators invaded Alaska with their Gold plated credit cards and after her interviews with Katie and Charlie, with all the follow-up character assassinations, all they could come up with was some grainy footage of a beauty contest she entered to earn a scholarship and that she doesn’t do well with “gottcha” questions. I couldn’t have been less surprised if she had walked up to the debate podium wearing a NASCAR tee shirt, with a beer in one hand, puffing on a Marlboro, apologizing for being late because she had to stop for a tattoo.

And what about Biden? You know, the man of the people, who has had to make some serious decisions while sitting at the kitchen table (or in his case at a 20 ft. dining table complete with candelabras). You know, decisions like whether or not he is going to complete his hair transplants or just let the back forty go fallow; whether to go two or three weeks between the botox injections on his forehead, that is so taught that it puts him into the running for a spot on Mt. Rushmore or just how many candlepower he wants his teeth whitener to be, looks like he settled on about 200,000.

Yet all we hear from the Left on Biden is his vast senatorial experience--even though he is all over the map with his voting; his 35 years in the Senate, but not a peep about his two failed presidential bids and that he commutes from Delaware to D.C. every day by train (because he is too cheap to rent an apartment or fly). Also, he commutes at taxpayer expense, to remind himself that he is not one of the “little” people for a couple of hours a day.

Well, there you have it. Looks like we are down to choosing between a chain smoking, beer swilling, bear skinning, trailer tramp and an east coast, elitist and entrenched political hack, who spends way too much time and money on his makeovers and kissing Obama’s A**.

Make-over for Biden

Now usually, I’m not one to comment on someone else’s appearance, since I don’t pretend to groom myself, each morning, to a standard beyond being allowed into a cattle auction. But last night, on the vice-presidential debates, I couldn’t help but notice some cosmetic “enhancements” on Joe Biden that challenge anything found in nature.

First, his “whitened” smile would dim the lights on a ‘68 Bonneville.

Second, the Botox in his forehead has stretched his skin so tight “taggers” are fighting over who will be first to spray paint an Obama ad on it.

Third, someone needs to tell Joe that he went bald years ago. The telltale sign is the hairless patch of skin, resting quietly behind the field of hair plugs, clinging to the front of his scalp like lichens on lava rock. Hey Joe, YOUR F**KING BALD, either plant the rest of the pasture or mow that sucker.

The only thing that Joe and I have in common is that neither of us look at the back of our heads before we leave the house, while only one of us risks a rear camera shot, while bloviating.

The Village Idiots

There is an old saying that, “The village has lost an idiot”. Well, after the $700 (er, or $850 or whatever) billion dollar bailout, I submit that the idiots have lost the village.

We have now fallen and there is little chance we will ever get back up. With this latest “Super Nova” of boondoggles, we have reset the rules where we are “bailing out” states, auto makers, wooden arrow manufacturers, rum distillers, peanut museums and any other vote buying, pet projects needed to get an incumbent re-elected.

Between the “under the radar” granting of some $25 billion to automakers (under the guise of retooling for future fuels), while America’s attention was focused on the “idiots”, who were busy larding up the biggest bailout in history, and the current request by California for a $7 billion dollar “loan”, we are simply reducing ourselves to government-by-extortion”.

And how do I know this? Well, California just had a Federal Judge order them to commit $8 billion dollars to upgrading prison hospitals. So who believes that $7 billion will go to making the rest of California’s honest, hard working people’s lives any better?

And as for the auto industry, who doesn’t believe another strike is just around the corner? Just like the Big Three, state governments are being hamstrung by the steady march of employee unions extorting exorbitant pay and benefit packages that further widen the gulf between the public and private sector. But do we post the pay scales, or the insurance and retirement packages of these employees, when negotiations hit the fan….NO! We just merrily go about our way picking the pockets of taxpayers to pay the ransom.

So while government representatives are busy feathering the nests of their abductors, small business America is making plans of its own. Big Government and Big Unions have both outlived and outgrown their intention or mission. Time for “small business” America to de-claw, de-fang and otherwise clip the wings of government and unions run amok.

And maybe the unintended consequences of "small business" America losing money and not paying taxes for a few quarters will accomplish that very thing.

Palin and Comedy

So what’s all the bruhaha over Sarah Palin? She’s not qualified. She has no foreign policy experience. She’s a joke. Hardee, har, har.

Well for you folks over 40, Tina Fey is the new Dana Carvey.

For all of you with short memories, or no memories at all, Dana Carvey made a career of satirizing Ross Perot. Never mind that Dana Carvey didn’t now where Fresno was, much less than Nome or Moscow. So now we have Tina Fey doing the same to Sarah Palin. But Sarah Palin is no Ross Perot.

There isn’t a day goes by that the Saturday Nite Live crew isn’t aired on some network or another. And while they poke a lot of fun at Bill Clinton, John McCain, Sarah Palin and Carl Rove, they are conspicuous in their absence of any poking at either of the Obamas. Well there is a good reason for that…Fear.

Not only are the Obamas off limits, there is absolutely nothing funny about them. And while they have wrapped themselves in the cloak of “Racism”, fending off all criticism of policy, position or posture, their associations, past actions and aspirations scare the living crap out of any thinking American.

So while the comedic world makes mincemeat out of Palin and McCain in direct benefit to Obama, their conspicuous absence of any Obama mirth speaks volumes of their dual fears of either “not” satirizing Palin, while giving Obama a pass.

Your bias, partisanship and unbridled favoritism to an empty suit, whose only accomplishments have been extorting public funds to give to others is palpable. So keep it up you court jesters. America is keeping score.

Rangle's Wrangles

An American with Disabilities

Well Congressman Charlie Rangel, while trying to put out his own fires, has labeled Sarah Palin as “disabled” when it comes to her vice presidential candidacy. It is Congressman Rangel’s considered opinion that while Mrs. Palin enjoys considerable public support, she lacks necessary foreign experience.

So to get this straight congressman Rangel, who is the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee and is in the unique position to control our taxation policy, himself can’t understand that he is delinquent in his payments to Caesar.

No, what Charlie is really trying to say is that Sarah doesn’t understand the secret handshakes, the unholy networks, the addresses of the smoky back rooms. What he is really saying is that Sarah lacks the logistical “know how” to conspire, consult and connive to bamboozle, not just her own constituents but all of America, to her advantage. In essence, she isn’t one of the good ole boys.

Well, isn’t that the point of Palin? It is Mr. Rangel and his fellow “colleagues” that have the smell of fear about them. It is Mr. Rangel that will be lucky if he just gets to resign and not make the “Perp Walk” in cuffs, on the 6 o‘clock news.

Now that’s “disabled”.

Patriotism and Taxes

“It’s patriotic to pay more taxes”. Now what Bozo thought that was a good thing to say?

Well, Biden for one. The other one was the guy or gal who wrote it for him and put it on the prompter. And the last ones were those who spent yesterday, and most likely the rest of next week, cleaning up this verbal do-do.

How about it’s patriotic to ask, “What the hell did you do with the money I already gave you?”, or “What are you going to do about the hundreds of billions being wasted, squandered, stolen or mismanaged?”. How about this BEFORE I send you one penny more?

Now I know that it is presently fashionable for the political elites to spout off any boneheaded comment, to the adulation of the Koolaid drinking masses. But please, I’m begging you Joe, just run some of these comments through ANYONE from small town America, before you spew this garbage into a live microphone. It just adds fuel to the fire and makes you look like the bobblehead idealogue you are.

Better yet, just take the next few weeks off and you might just hang on to the lead you have. For the more you say, just adds to the list of dozens of things you are already wrong about.

A few thoughts about Sarah Palin/John McCain

Neither John or Sarah are lawyers. Both Barack and Biden “ARE” lawyers.
Today, proctologists all over Washington D.C. are busier than $2 dollar hookers on bowling night.

You see, both McCain and Palin are reformers, but Palin has actually “done” something as a governor of Alaska. She took on the corrupt politicians and oil company “machine” in Alaska and beat them like rented mules. Now teamed with McCain, she can set her 12x spotting scope on D.C.

So you see where this is going. We have two non-lawyers converging on D.C. with the stated goal of reforming our government--something always talked about but little done. So while lawyer/politicians are the only ones capable of drafting legislation with loopholes only they and their minions can drive a semi through, they have witnessed the dismantling, dispatching and disembowelment of the good ole boy network in Alaska.

Yes, my fellow Americans, the fear of a McCain/Palin ticket is palpable. The establishment inside the beltway is experiencing an epidemic of sphincter puckering unmatched in our time. Graft, corruption, vote buying and shady lobbying is all in the crosshairs…and that is just the Republicans.

In the meantime, Liberals are throwing all the feces they can against the wall hoping something will stick. By launching all the flagrant mis-information now, buys the Wingnuts and NBC time to fabricate real distortions later, which will include a sliver of truth wrapped in a ton of slime. In the mean time, word has it that Wikipedia has removed “responsible”, “truth”, “fairness” and “unbiased” from their electronic scribe.

So, getting an appointment with a proctologist in D.C. before election day will be about as likely as Bill Clinton divulging his Library contributor list, Obama releasing his college thesis or Joe Biden finishing his hair transplant.

The Other Black Tuesday

The Dems must be cheering this morning. That is the ones that don’t have a nickel in the Market. You see, there has been a “redistribution of wealth” for the past few years and now payback is happening. Lehman Brothers is in bankruptcy, B of A has taken over Merrill Lynch and AIG is looking for a suitor. But not to worry, Barack will make it all better, once he is President.

And what happened to a few hundred billion dollars? Well, it got trickled down in the form of bad loans to people, some who had neither the means nor others any intention of paying them back. The real estate bubble generated huge amounts of cash that trickled down to mortgage brokers, RV and car dealerships, jewelry stores, furniture stores, liquor stores, South American drug lords and yes…Wal Mart.

Money was extracted during refinancing that went just about any place you can imagine except back into paying the mortgages. And when the bottom fell out of the market, there was really no good reason to make payments on a property that was not worth anywhere near the mortgage. This could be euphemistically referred to as a “correction“.

And who’s to blame? Well, you could blame Herr Greenspan, who kept the prime interest rate low, low, low for far too long. Also, cheap money fueled a housing boom that none but the naïve could imagine would be without end. And add to that, predatory practices that resemble fraud far more than any responsible lending behavior.

So for those who think “redistribution of wealth” is a good idea, take a close look at your 401k, your pension plan, your stock portfolio or the current worth of your uncle Bubba, who held most of your inheritance in Lehman Bros. If you want to imagine what an Obama give-a-way government would look like, think 100 times the hit’s the Market took today. Now let’s see how that “taxing the rich” is working for ya.

McCain's Rovian Moment

John McCain’s pick of Sarah Palin for his VP is a stroke of genius. My only question is, who on McCain’s staff put her selection together? It sure as hell wasn’t John, he’s not that smart.

With Palin’s pick, John galvanizes Conservatives, who were on the sidelines waiting for him to grow a sack over Shamnesty, Free Speech and a host of other issues he sided with Democrats on. He attracts Hillary’s women voters who are still smarting over the dissing of Hillary by Obama’s machine. He fills the needs of Independents and moderates of both parties who are still looking for someone to represent them. And he has picked a partner with more “balls” than all the insufferable gasbags on Capitol Hill.

No, in analyzing this pick I wonder more about the brain-child that landed on this nomination more than any gnashing over Palin’s qualifications. Whoever “that” person is, is the next Carl Rove. However I suspect that witnessing the demonization of the “real” Carl, over the past 8 years, this advisor will remain in his foxhole until Fox News needs someone to replace, hereto date, the most brilliant political tactician of our time.

The Race for Second Place

Let me get this straight. Obama has picked a VP choice who has been D.C. so long they are naming buildings after him. He has a voting record so laced with contradictions and innuendo, you could write a book about it. He is only 6 years McCain’s junior and has a temper and record of confrontation that will take advertisements criticizing McCain’s advanced years and hot headedness off the table for the rest of the campaign.

McCain on the other hand is for open borders, stifling free speech and bankrupting the U.S. to pay for Al Gore’s fantasy of fighting Global Warming.

Yup, this is probably the first presidential race where the contenders are both hoping to come in second.

But hey, I could be wrong.

Double Standard Spending

Somebody really needs to explain to me just how it is that Liberals can complain about the National Debt in one breath, then can’t wait for Obama’s health care initiative, raising taxes on the rich and big corporations(which everyone knows will simply be passed forward to customers) and a massive government program to convert America to renewable energy, when our existing infrastructure won’t accommodate even modest additions of wind and solar projects.

It is appalling how many people support the notion of universal--or mandatory--health care when there is no argument that Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, MediCal along with other entitlement/giveaway programs not only do not resemble the programs as originally proposed, but have morphed into gargantuan bureaucracies, bloated and corrupted, fraud and incompetence.

Do we fix these programs first? No. We just look the other way and propose yet more socialist programs.

While Liberals whine and complain that the Iraq War is bankrupting us, the fact is the graft, corruption and fraud attached to the above mentioned programs would pay for the War several times over. But do we lift a finger to launch a war on fraud? NO.

So here’s a prediction for you. If Barrack Obama becomes president, the National Debt will hit $12 trillion before it ever sees $8 trillion again. And you won’t here a peep about it from the folks that voted him in.

Sorry Conservatives, McCain--for all his fiscal ranting--won’t do much better under a Congress hell bent on taxing and spending their way out of a hole.

But hey, I could be wrong. The Dumbplumber.blogspot.com

T. Boondoggle Pickens

Just when you thought that T. Boone Pickens was to be our savior in the energy wars, up pops the blogosphere on his ties with “The Nan”. Seems that Nancy Pelosi--one of the richest members of Congress--jumped on the Pickens “Boondoggle” early by buying shares in his Pickens Plan here–here back in May of 2007.

However, the Savior forgot to mention in his carpet bombing of ads on his Plan that he is the biggest provider of natural gas for transportation in California. His ads clearly profess to wean us off gas for electricity by replacing it with wind power, but he conveniently forgets to mention that he will profit handsomely selling the natural gas for transportation. Oh yeah, and by the way, he is finagling his way into a water bond ($110 billion) to pump ground water from West Texas and sell it to the big cities, drying up the scares water supplies supporting rural communities already struggling to survive.

Yes, my fellow Americans, cynicism lives. T. “Boondoggle” Pickens may well pull off the biggest scam in Texas since Billy Sol Estes was caught selling grain elevators that didn’t exist. His “Plan” covers up a water grab of monumental proportions (200,000 acre feet per year) while cloaking the entire project as saving America.

God you got to love it. Nan, a socialist hooking up with a “good ole boy”, “back room” robber barons looking for profit, while McCain, a “pretend” capitalist reaching across party lines begging for votes.

But hey, I could be wrong

Pelosi and the Oil Hoax

So, now let me get this straight. Nancy Pelosi and Company say the Republicans are “staging a hoax” by continuing to occupy the House of Representatives during the August recess. Does Nancy even know what a hoax is? I would submit a hoax is what Congress does when it is “IN” session.

Besides, what is the downside for Republican Congressmen who are willing to continue the debate on lowering our cost of energy, when the rest of Congress is off working on their tans, hawking their books and schmoozing with their big donors, while the rest of us are pumping $4 gas? They are on salary, it doesn’t cost us a thing and besides it is really pissing Pelosi off.

What Nancy fails to notice from her million dollar view of San Francisco Bay is that those little ants out there in those little boats and cars are voters. To her peril, Nancy will spend more time trying to sell her book and keeping the lights out back at the House floor during this recess than actually doing something about the biggest threat to our Country than anything since 9/11.

So enamored with her 3rd position from the Presidency is Nancy, she will wrap herself in her arrogance, surround herself with Secret Service and devote her entire vacation to aggrandizing herself and her position, while America crumbles around her.

In the meantime Republicans rightly smell blood in the water. If they don’t see the an opportunity to drive a Mack truck through the hole Democrats have left open, with their summer recess, their driver’s licenses should be revoked. The Republican Revolt isn’t exactly crying fire in a crowded theater, but it sure the hell beats the smoke we’ve been getting lately.

But hey, I could be wrong. The Dumplumber.blogspot.com

Letter to my Representative: grow a pair

Dear Mr. Herger,

I post my opinions on my website, dumbplumber@blogspot.com, but it doesn’t take a Dumbplumber to realize that America is facing it’s biggest threat since 9-11. Perhaps you haven’t noticed, but the current energy crisis is little more than a fabrication by Liberal forces to cram the green agenda and the Global Warming Hoax down America’s throat. In doing so, they have exposed themselves to the unintended consequences of business failures, high unemployment and the appearance of worldwide weakness, which I’m sure they plan to carry on to the November election, so we can be “saved” by the Democrat Rock Star, come Messiah.

The only questions are: whether the Republicans can break the trance over the “true believers” long enough for them to realize that they are mere pawns in a game where economic suffering and indeed human lives are at stake; can Republicans leaders clean up their acts on Capitol Hill and once again generate respect from our citizens, by standing shoulder to shoulder with “blue dog” Democrats and; can you turn this charade around and place the blame for the suffering back on the Liberals, where it belongs.

If there ever was an opportunity to turn your fortunes around this is it. Time to make the Liberals “famous” for the shenanigans going on now. You have but a few weeks of a window to determine whether Conservatism will “right” our course or leave us doomed to the Liberal agenda. This is a golden opportunity, handed to you by Nancy Pelosi. Don’t blow it.

Sham Wow!!

Perhaps we should take a moment and reflect upon my current medical malady of the “trigger finger”. No, I don’t mean the one that is bent and twisted from doing who the hell knows what. That one requires surgery that I can ill afford because my income doesn’t provide sufficient resources to pay for malpractice lawsuits, duplicitous government health regulations or endless tests to determine and repair what I already know is “trigger finger”.

I’m talking about the one I use to click the remote to remove annoying, repetitive, disingenuous, deceptive, advertising that funds the disingenuous, annoying deceptive, annoying cable news programs that are far more informative than the Big Three networks, who suffer under the delusion that they are telling us anything near the truth.

What I’m talking about are the ads that solicit more people to call in to a toll free number for free diabetes testing supplies, free scooters, free breathing apparatus, free consultations for any disability associated with asbestos, popular medications--that have been approved by the FDA-- or medical procedures that were necessary to save your sorry butts, but somehow went wrong for reasons that some slick attorney can staple to a doctors reputation in front of a sympathetic jury.

I’m talking about any TV ad that embeds the phrases, “do yourself the biggest favor”, “you can’t afford not to…”, “it didn’t cost me a penny”, “you owe it to yourself” or “ Hi, Billy Mays here, for……”.

I’m talking about ads that include the codicils, “If you call in the next 20 minutes”, “operators standing by”, “just add shipping and handling”, “call now, because we can’t do this all day” or have some random dupe proclaim that, “I don’t know how I ever lived without this”!

Could it be that the smell of corn dogs, cotton candy and rancid popcorn have given way to the antiseptic and sterile stage of video tape. Some would proclaim that the “Carnies” have gone digital; once respected co-hosts have sold their souls for house payments and has-been celebrities hawk term life insurance for bar tabs.

And we can’t cry enough for those that have fallen on hard times with the IRS or those nasty credit card companies, who want the money we promised to pay them when we applied for their usurious interest rates.
But by God, I will not submit to “Vince”, who is the spokes jockey for “Shamwow” the German substitute for American paper towels. Seems that the former barker for the weakest link in Carnival history has missed a few things that “Shamwow” is NOT good for. Yes, you can dry your car, boat or pickup with Shamwow, but you can’t you wipe the grease from your bacon pan, the fingerprints from you stainless refrigerator or the cat puke from your carpet. You can’t scrape last nights pasta from your casserole dish, the blueberry jamb from your new tee-shirt or the gun oil from your sawed-off, used to shoot Carnival barkers. Now I could go on, but I think you are getting the point.

Now, normally there would be some high and mighty government agency dedicated to telling us what NOT to believe on T.V., but Pelosi and Reid are far too busy saving our planet and destroying our country to lower themselves to dealing with false advertising. Besides, if they demanded credulity from Billy Mayes, it might just infringe on their pathetic attempts at selling their own agenda.

But hey, I could be wrong. The Dumbplumber

Dumbpumber as King part tres

Comes now the time for the Dumbplumber to wade where no king has waded before….politics. I have spent more hours than I should have listening to the relentless bullshit dished out by politicians, their staff and their sycophants. Under my realm the oral hemorrhaging will come to a complete and absolute halt….or there will be hell to pay.

Senators, Congresspersons and all the public servants below them, down to the lowly local representatives will hereafter cease the senseless doubletalk, pontificating and blathering from their pie holes.

First of all, they are all going to get pay cuts. I think about half of what they get now would be a good start, since they aren’t doing anything anyway when they are in session…. except spending money they don’t have. Next, they can start taking commercial flights, instead of military planes, to and from their home districts. Maybe they can use that quiet time to think of things that just might raise their approval ratings, that are hovering near 11% as I speak. The ongoing policy of buying votes with government handouts is going to stop. No more deficit spending unless we are being attacked or launching a pre-emptive strike to avoid attack.

You got a flood, fire, earthquake, tornado or hurricane-- tough-- suck it up. Prepare yourself with the appropriate insurance or get your neighbors to help you, like they do in the fly-over states when things go Dixie. The U.S. government isn’t a big cookie jar just looking for a party.

Next, we remove any rules of decorum that prohibit one politician from calling another one an A-hole. Since it takes one to know one, this should pretty well speak for itself. And while we’re at it, it will no longer be tolerated for one TV guest to speak over another, during an interview. It is not only poor form, but really annoys the Dumbplumber and his Queen.

And so as not to allow politicians to compound their failures, all campaigns will be truncated to one week before election time. You will either have to account for your past behavior some other way or witness your successor pull your pants down in seven days. Only about 15% of Americans vote now anyway, so you won’t notice the difference.

Besides, if more Americans took the time to vote on American Idol than voted in the last election, nothing about a six month or one year campaign is going to cure what ails us, that is unless the general election candidates agree to a WWF Cage Match Smack Down. Now that I would pay to see.

And finally, from day one forward “lobbyists” will be prohibited. “Lobbyist” is just another way to spell, money, graft, bribery and corruption. If congressmen want to know what their constituents need, all they need to do is read their mail, emails and answer their phone messages. If there is a reason we are where we are, we might consider the invasive and well healed lobbyists, who are lined up in the express lane outside congressional offices.

There is a reason the Founding Fathers crafted the Constitution the way they did. Time for us to get back to the basic rules that made us the great nation we are. Time to put the Ten Commandments back on government buildings, to remind those who removed them, just why 11% approval isn’t exactly rock star status. The Dumbplumber

Dumbplumber as King #2

To continue the concept of Dumbplumber as King, it might be helpful to remember that, as we speak, we have two completely inept candidates vying for president. So, these two clowns prove that anything remains possible in our day and time.

Previously we took a glimpse of what our criminal justice system would look like under the Dumbplumber. Not a pretty sight, but not pretty for those on the wrong side of a bad situation. Now we should look at healthcare, another badly managed, self-inflicted obligation foisted on our nation.

Second only to Social Security, Medicare is the next albatross around the neck of American taxpayers. And like any other totally failed Federal agency, State sponsored medical coverage mirroring the Federal system is bankrupting individual states trying to emulate Big Brother.

The Problem: What began as a safety net for the “poor and trodden pipples” has turned into a huge cash cow for the healthcare industry. Instead of saving those faced with catastrophic illnesses through no fault of their own, we now reward the self-inflicted, who have spent a lifetime abusing themselves with drugs, alcohol, tobacco, poor diets and lack of exercise. So, under the Dumbplumber kingdom you will be expected to take better care of yourself in your early years or be left to take care of yourself later.

Add to that, we spend billions on treating AIDS victims world wide, when it is one of the most preventable diseases of all. And the prevention doesn’t cost either the potential victim nor the American taxpayer a penny. But oh nooooo, instead of mass education on the inevitable and tragic consequences of unprotected sex with an infected partner, do-gooders instead hand out condoms like Watchtower pamphlets only without nearly the same effectiveness.

If the Dumbplumber Were King

I know, I know there is no way the Dumbplumber will be King or I didn’t believe it until I realized who we have running for President now. Or to put it another way, if Obama or McCain can be president the Dumbplumber could be Emperor of the World. And no, I’m not kidding. Have any of you taken a good look at these two clowns? The Rock Star vs. the Rocking Chair Jockey.

Now if Obama can act like he is already president, the Dumbplumber can act like he is King. And as King, the Dumbplumber has a few campaign promises of his own. Now it may look like a sociological mosaic, but that is just the way the Dumbplumber’s brain works.

1. All violent or habitual criminals arrested will be issued a rope and given a cell with a plaque that reads, “Do the right thing”. (I didn’t think of this myself-- a friend did--but I really like it.)

2. When a murder, rapist or pedophile confesses to their crime, there will be NO taxpayer paid trial, where they drag all parties through their sordid past on the way to death row, where they lanquish for decades of more taxpayer funded appeals. Upon conviction, they will be sent directly to the appropriate facility and issued the aforementioned rope and cell.

3. We have way too many police officers. So, under my authority, we will lay off about half our cops and take their salaries to provide firearms to all law abiding citizens for their protection and the protection of their fellow citizens. Let’s face it, guns don’t require a pay and benefit package and last a lot longer than most cops. Besides, most felonies involve innocent bystanders, so let’s let them get-er-done. Fight me on this and we will provide them ammo too.

4. We should release all non-violent drug offenders immediately, to provide room for some really bad guys that couldn’t figure out how to tie a knot. If these druggies offend again, we will deport them to the country of the drug’s origin so they can be closer to their chosen addiction. In the case of home grown drugs, re-offenders will be sent to Joe Arpio’s “re-education camps” where they will spend years eating bologna sandwiches while wearing pink underwear. “To be continued”

Healthcare Debacle

There has been quite a brouhaha lately over the pending Medi-Cal cuts. Seems that doctors, nurses, hospitals, healthcare workers, medical supply companies and pharmaceutical corporations are all twitterpated over the possibility that the gravy train is about to come off the tracks.

You see, the above well intentioned entitlements were adopted by well intentioned politicians as a safety net, so the “poor and trodden down pipples”, would have access to health care. But as with so many good intentions, now comes the unintended consequences. The “safety net” soon morphed into a backstop for irresponsible behavior, then into a health care plan for those who have ignored basic hygiene, shunned exercise or spent decades abusing alcohol, drugs or tobacco--the number one preventable killer in America. Did anyone sound the alarm then? NO.

Hospitals faced with declining revenues from patients possessing gold plated health insurance coverage, began to look at public health insurance as part of their bottom line. Add to that, the illegal aliens in our country began to swamp our healthcare facilities. No problemo, taxpayers would pick up the tab.

Additionally, the soaring burden on all the medical industry from the predatory practices of malpractice attorneys, who shake down the health care industry from front to back. But during all this outrageous plundering, did we hear a peep from anyone in the hospitals or clinics? NO.

Did we hear any bells or alarms when money hungry surgeons were performing “elective” procedures on terminally ill patients…. because they could… raking in hundreds of millions from the “System”? NO.

And while we heard virtually nothing from the medical community about abuses, fraud, waste and corruption, which bled billions from the public trough, we now hear a chorus of complaints from the very people, who have led us to this moment.

So, if and until the principals involved in this financial debacle don’t step up to the plate with some very serious reforms and corrections, they shouldn’t be too surprised when the taxpayers representatives stop the gravy train.

But hey, I could be wrong. The Dumbplumber

Our Crazy Uncle Al

Ya gotta love Al Gore. No, I mean it. Ya gotta love him to not want to kick the living crap out of him.

Case in point. Al shows up at his latest speech on “global warming” and ways to stop it, not in an electric car, bicycle or horse drawn cart, but in a parade of gas swilling luxury vehicles. In two Lincoln Town Cars and a Suburban rode his posse, who rested in comfort with their A/C units blasting environmental bliss, while Al blew hot gas out his pie hole.

At the podium, Al was singing the virtues of wind and solar, while decrying all use of fossil fuels. He particularly condemned oil, coal and natural gas, which, by my last recollection, fuels about 90% of our nations energy needs. Seems that ole Al thinks that wind and solar would be appropriate options.

Apparently Al wants us to spend a few trillion dollars re-wiring America so that his latest hallucinations can become a reality. Given the multi-millions Al has made selling his “carbon credits” to guilt ridden Limo and Lear Jet Liberals, one has to wonder just what stake ole Al has in his current psychotic episode.

My guess is Mr. Gore is planning on building a few batteries--the size of Nevada--to hold the energy generated by the solar and wind farms totally dependent upon the sun’s presence and weather conditions to be distributed on a 24 hr a day demand. Never mind that the loss converting AC power to DC for storage, then back to AC for consumption, then “line loss” distributing the power from coast to coast wouldn’t be sufficient to heat your latte.

But such technical details have never stopped ole Al before. Even after 31,000 scientists decried man’s contribution to “Global Warming”, mainstream media refuses to question the motives of the former vice president, who has turned an honorable environmental movement to clean up trash and toxic waste into a madman’s quest. Al’s blind ambition has already cost America billions, with no end in sight. And now he is moving to stage two.

The lunacy to Al’s plans are obvious. It’s the motives of those that continue to drink his Kool Aid that are in question. But hey, I could be wrong. The Dumbplumber.

The Lost Regime

The problems as I see them:

$5 dollar gas is not now the exception, but the rule. Absent immediate intervention, it will be $10, then $15, and the end of life as we know it.

The U.S. dollar is in freefall with no end in sight.

Due to the domino effect, businesses are now failing at an unprecedented rate. Thanks to Washington D.C. the mortgage industry is in chaos, with homes going into foreclosure, not just because of predatory lending practices, but the associated economic meltdown as well.

Washington tells us that the unemployment rate is still 5.5%, but they don’t tell us how many have moved on to Social Security, SSI and Welfare, that weren’t there eight years ago.

We have liberated a nation that thanks us by selling their oil on the open market, to the highest bidder. They make little or no effort to compensate us for their security, their reconstruction, or our multi-trillion dollar investment in their country.

And every effort to solve any of the above is met with Civil Litigation, Congressional Regulation and Supreme Court Intervention.

These problems are said to be complicated, made more so by those that profit from both the problems and the inevitable publicly funded solutions. Secondly, the environmental hysteria, created by less than 1% of our population and perpetuated by lawyers, that has brought us to this junction, needs to be put in a box. And while we must move forward with policies and plans to transition our economy away from fossil fuels, without bankrupting our economy first, we should do it as much for conservation and economics as for environmental health.




Well folks, if there is any problem here, it is that there is a critical lack of leadership capable of guiding us out of the abyss. In the absence of anyone with the “salt” to spell out a clear path to our destiny, allow me to submit some dialog.

“Tell the environmentalists to shut up and sit down. The next President should hand down an Executive Order to Oil Companies to develop all existing oil leases or lose them in 18 months. Send drilling platforms to the East, West and Gulf coasts, as if your life, and future, depends upon them. And to that end, convert available space on the coasts to construction of these platforms.

Send crews to ANWAR immediately, while inviting any protestors to just try and block roads and bridges while swatting away 2lb. mosquitos. Forget DEET, bring tennis rackets for the summer and down jackets for the winter.

Launch immediate talks with Mexico and Canada to develop dozens of refineries along our borders. “Fast Track” permitting of these projects by using blueprints of existing facilities. Put people to work NOW building them. The crude will be coming in a few months, be ready.

Advise all those on public assistance that if they can pick their noses or their butts or open a beer, we have a job for them. New Rule, work or starve.

And just for chuckles, instead of the IRS harassing legitimate businesses over nickels and dimes, we are going to start a program where if you have a Manhattan, Telluride, Beverly Hills, Palm Beach or Boca Raton mailing address, but pay your expenses with offshore electronic transfers or a Visa Card from a Cayman Island bank, we are going to climb up your ass and audit your tonsils.

Put Iraq on notice that they owe us a few boatloads of money, they can start by NOT sending any more of their oil to any place that doesn’t have boots on the ground in the Middle East.





Memo to Iran: We are going to be very busy for the next few years, trying to rebuild the damage made by them and those they support. But we are never too busy to vaporize them if they so much as blink. P.S. We are sending your President all the Double Knit disco suits we can find in our Good Will and Salvation Army Stores.

Notice to oil speculators: The gravy train is over. We will now be bidding futures on a commodity only from the U.S. We will be selling gas to Iran, before we buy any more oil from Saudi Arabia.

Notice to Congress: The next time you drag oil executives up to Capitol Hill to complain about their salaries and don’t invite the likes of Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, Warren Buffet or “Brangelina” for the same purpose, we will have the CIA and FBI investigate and document every scandal, misstatement, minor offense and under the covers/in the closet indiscretion you have ever committed, then post it in primetime on every network on the T.V. remote.

Time for some accountability, so we should start at the top instead of the bottom. Unfortunately for America, the foxes--special interest lobbyists and willing prey--are in charge of the hen house, so any responsible legislation to improve our economic, energy or constitutional health will be slow or non existent.”

Good Luck suckers. There is not a soul on the horizon that can or will make any of this happen. Time to grab your ankles.

But hey, I could be wrong. The Dumbplumber

Who for President?

I am usually want to point out the obvious. I have to when nobody else will.

Has it occurred to anyone else that among the 300 million plus Americans, this is the best we can come up with for President?

Let’s review. President Bush--a former governor--has an approval rating hovering in the mid to high 20s. While the U.S. Congress has the abysmal rating somewhere between 11 and 19 percent, depending upon the poll. But where do we get our presidential candidates from? You got it, the U.S. Senate. Go figure.

And to compound our stupidity, we have picked candidates, whose popularity has plummeted, while our energy, healthcare, food and inflation have skyrocketed. So tell me again why we have chosen these clowns to lead us OUT of this mess!

It’s no wonder that 80% of America refuses to go to the polls for General Elections. They already know what I have but suspected. The primaries are rigged to select candidates most malleable by special interests and lobbyists. And once ensconced in Washington, D.C., the rare neophyte idealist with the most honorable of intentions are soon swallowed up by the D.C. influence machine.

So America, you are about to get what you so justly deserve. You get to chose between a sagging veteran, who has been more an erratic, unstable, isle crossing bench warmer than any shades of a congressional maverick, and a product of corrupt, coercive, contemptible Chicago politics. No America, you cannot make this up.

Woe be to us when either takes the Oath of Office. But hey, I could be wrong….The Dumbplumber